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“Don’t leave,” I repeated, ignoring the evil eyes her friend was giving me. “Don’t go, Aoife.”
“Are you going to look at me?” “Not right now.” “Why not?” “Because it hurts too much.” My heart constricted in my chest. “Baby.”
“Never loved you?” I gaped at her. “Are you fucking crazy? You’re the only person on this planet I do love!”
“Well, that’s bad fucking luck on my account, because you sure as shit own me!”
"I'll love you the right way this time," he whispered, and his breath fanned my cheek. "If you show me how.”
“I’ll be seeing ya, Molloy.” And then I climbed out of her window and slipped into the night.
“You make me feel safe.” “Oh, Joe.” “I love you so fucking much it hurts.” “I know, baby. I love you, too.”
“Joe.” Unable to shoulder this crippling weight by myself for a second longer, I slumped against him, needing to feel his arms around me in this moment more than I needed my next breath. “Joe.” “It’s okay.” His arms came around me, tight and full of comfort, as he pulled me into his embrace. “Shh. It’s okay.” Burying my face in the front of his school jumper, I clutched the fabric at his back, and let him take my weight, taking every ounce of support he was offering me. Because I needed his support. I needed him.
“Sometimes I can’t control it,” I admitted brokenly. “It’s like something goes off in my head, and I check out. I stop thinking. I stop feeling. I stop fucking remembering all of the reasons I have to keep going and start thinking about all of the reasons why I should give up.”
“I don’t know,” he whispered. “My head’s in pieces. I can’t remember shit. I’m just so tired.” “Because you’re not well,” I strangled out, blinking back my tears. “You’re sick, Joe.” “I don’t know what I am,” I heard him say. “I don’t feel human anymore.”
“You've got a beautiful mind, Joey Lynch, and a wonderful heart. You can beat this. You just have to want to. It's half the battle. You can still fix this. You have time. You can get better. Just try, Joe. That's all you have to do. Just try, baby.
“Stay with me.” “Always.”
“Don’t run, Molloy. I know I don’t deserve you, but please just…don’t run.” “Never.” “Please just… please keep loving me.” “Always, Joe,” she breathed against my lips. “Always.” “Because I feel like I’m all alone here, baby.”
“You said six hundred?” Gibsie cut me off by asking, as he retrieved a wad of cash from his coat pocket and placed it on my lap. “It’s all there.”
“Joe’s the only parent I remember having, so, trust me when I tell you that your kid…” He paused to gesture to my stomach before adding, “Is going to have one hell of a father.”
“I’ll be seeing ya,” he called out, offering me a half-assed sailor salute before disappearing over the wall.
“From what I can tell, they’ve always had one,” John said, giving me a meaningful look. “You’ve been one hell of a father, Joey Lynch.”
“When did it happen?” Edel asked once her husband had left the room. “When did what happen?” "When did you lose yourself?" "The day I was born."
“You fucked my head up worse than he ever did. He used his fists, but you? You got in my head,” I admitted, on a roll now, as pain and poison spilled from my lips. “You broke my mind.”
“What about me?” I broke down and cried. “What about me, Shannon? What about me!”
Tell them I was sorry. Tell them I loved them. Tell my son that I loved him. Tell yourself that I loved you most.
I’ll be seeing ya, Molloy. xx
He had them? My kids? He had them? “You got them out?”
I wanted to get clean, but most importantly, I wanted to stay clean.
“Maybe before they moved on, someone wanted to make sure his first love had a fighting chance with her first love.”
“I’ve always been a father!” I roared back, chest heaving. “And I’ve done a pretty fucking good job with the four I’ve raised. And yeah, I’m a mess, and yeah, I’m an addict, but I’m a good father! I’m a good fucking parent, Darren. I kept them alive. I kept them fed, and loved, and nurtured and goddamn educated. I did that. Not you. Not him. Not Mam. Me. So, call me a junkie and whatever the hell else you want to call me, but don’t say that I’m too young to be a father!”
“What hurts the most isn’t the fact that you left,” I admitted, wiping a tear from my cheek. “I know you had to go. You were dying in that house. I get it. I understand that. What hurts the most is the fact that I stayed, and she still loved you more! And I’m jealous of that. I’m jealous and I’m resentful and I’m so fucking hurt that nothing I ever did was enough for her! And then you came back,” I quickly continued. “And it was as if everything I did for her, every sacrifice I made, every slap I took, was irrelevant. I was irrelevant because you were all she could see. I mean, let’s face it,
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“I loved you,” he finally roared, chest heaving. “Like you were my own flesh and blood.”
“Prove me wrong, Joey.” His voice was thick with emotion, as he roughly pulled me into his arms and hugged me tightly. “Prove me wrong, son.”
“I miss her,” I admitted, clenching my eyes shut when the tears started to fall. “I miss her so fucking much.“ My voice cracked, and I choked out a sob. “I miss my mother.” “Your mother loved you, Joey,” Edel vowed, as she pulled me into her arms. “I swear it, love.” Tightening her arms around me, she stroked my hair with her hand. “She just forgot to show it.”
“Joey the hurler.” “Mister rugby,” I replied, lips twitching up in a smirk that mirrored his, as I stepped forward and accepted his handshake. “Thank you.” With steel blue eyes full of unconcealed emotion, he offered me a stiff nod. “Anytime, brother.” And that was all that needed to be said between us. He knew it and so did I.
"Is he single?" "You're not his type." "What's his type?" "His girlfriend."
Aoife looking after him during another come down: Daughter – Medicine
Taylor Swift – Haunted
