Beautiful Boy: A Heartbreaking Memoir of a Father's Struggle with His Son's Addiction and the Journey to Recovery

by David Sheff

“Addicts may have many complaints, including major and minor grievances from years past. Some of their accusations may, in fact, have truth in them. Families may well have caused pain for the addicts. They may well have failed the addicts in some significant way. (After all, what human relationship is perfect?) But addicts bring up these problems not to clear the air or with the hope of healing old wounds. They bring them up solely to induce guilt, a tool with which they manipulate others in pursuit of their continued addiction.”

As is evident throughout Beautiful Boy, I didn’t need anyone else to blame me when Nic became addicted. When Nic lashed out, which he often did (as do many people who become addicted), it cut deeply, the stinging pain of salt poured into an open wound. It hurt so badly because he was attacking me for things I felt culpable for–the mistakes I’d made raising him. It helped when I finally understood that the attacks weren’t really about me. The addicted blame – often, their parents -- because otherwise they’d have to blame themselves.It’s an insidious trap – our children blame us and we’re ready to accept blame. Everyone suffers.