we are now united in one of the most primal of human behaviors, trying to save our child. The therapist says that the weekend is not about blaming, but about moving beyond lingering resentment. A father here says, “Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”
I think about this all the time. It’s a simple line but profound.After going through the hell of Nic’s addiction and other challenges, including the brain hemorrhage I write about, I’d like to say that I no longer feel petty resentments, that instead I always appreciate life, celebrate the moment, am generous and forgiving, and always loving. Well, I don’t. Maybe a Buddhist monk can transcend the emotions most of us feel, but maybe it’s ok that we do. It means we’re human. But that’s not to say that things haven’t changed. Maybe the difference is that I’ve learned to see myself clearer, to look at the feelings that possess me and dissect them. And rather than push them aside because I don’t want to or feel as if I shouldn’t feel them, I allow myself to feel them. Ironically, when I do, they dissipate.
When I watched the movie, I watched Nic’s dad and mom blame each other and recognized that they weren’t only trying to absolve themselves. They were reacting because they were afraid.They came together when they recognized that they were in this together – were as scared – and had the same goal: to save their son. Any trace of resentment was gone.
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