Beautiful Boy: A Heartbreaking Memoir of a Father's Struggle with His Son's Addiction and the Journey to Recovery

by David Sheff

It’s easy to forget that no matter how hard it is for us, it is harder for him.

“Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”

My addiction to his addiction has not served Nic or me or anyone around me. Nic’s addiction became far more compelling than the rest of my life.

Standing by the cashier, when he retrieves the card from his wallet, a piece of paper falls to the floor. “What’s that?” I ask Jasper, as he bends over to pick it up. “The letter Nic wrote me.” He quickly folds it back up and puts it into his wallet.

My hearttttttt :'(

“Addicts persist in their self-destructive, addictive behavior until something within themselves—something quite apart from anyone else’s efforts—changes so radically that the desire for the high is dulled and ultimately deadened by the desire for a better life.”

I learned another lesson: that I can accept—in fact am relieved to accept—a world of contradictions, wherein everything is gray and almost nothing is black and white.

“If the anger and confusion underlying the child’s problems are forced underground, there is a strong chance that they will become pathological, showing up in an inability to maintain relationships or in violence, depression, or suicide. Also, abuse breeds more abuse.”

Anne Lamott advises, “Try not to compare your insides with other people’s outsides.”

The doctor asked to see the results of Nic’s psychological tests. I asked, “What psychological tests?” The doctor was incredulous. “Do you mean to tell me that Nic has been in a dozen treatment programs, and he’s seen all those therapists”—about a dozen of those, too—“and no one had him tested?” No one had.

Brb while i pick my jaw up off the FLOOORRRR. Brotherrr WHATTT

He identified a major problem in the addiction-treatment field: the majority of those who become addicted have co-occurring psychological disorders and have experienced some form of trauma. If those issues aren’t addressed, continued relapse is likely.

As of this writing, Nic has been sober for eight years.

Happy tears

The government’s handling of the problem would be laughable if the implications weren’t so horrific.

In our society, addicts are viewed as having a character deficiency rather than a serious illness.

After he was elected, Trump signed an executive order establishing the President’s Commission on Combating Drug Addiction and the Opioid Crisis. The commission released a list of fifty-six recommendations, including expanding access to treatment, but as of the publication of this new edition of Beautiful Boy, the administration has provided almost no money. In fact, Trump proposed slashing $6 billion from some of the agencies that address drug use and addiction.

Surpriseee, fuck the giant Cheeto

In addition . . . at least thirty-seven states are trying to end mandates that require insurance plans to cover the treatment of mental illness, including addiction.”

absolutely sickening

But we won’t make a dent in this problem unless we decide to fight the right war.

We could save billions of dollars and untold lives if we intervened early and prevented the progress of addiction and its effects.

Its a fucking business

As I write this, Nic is thirty-six years old. After what we went through, thirty-six feels miraculous.

😭😭