Healing the Shame that Binds You

by John Bradshaw

Ethical decision is an uncertain and ultimately a creative act.

When we are exposed without any way to protect ourselves, we feel the pain of shame. If we are continually overexposed, shame becomes toxic.

When we think we are absolutely right, we stop seeking new information. To be right is to be certain, and to be certain stops us from being curious. Curiosity and wonder are at the heart of all learning.

Financial status, ethnicity, intelligence, popularity, physical appearance, athletic ability and talent all contribute to a person’s sense of shame. Many of our cultural norms become occasions for toxic shame.

Parents need to model and teach an awe and reverence for their own and their children’s sexuality.

The conforming child believes he can do nothing right, and the rebellious child believes that whatever she does is right and everyone else is to blame.

a toxically shamed person has an adversarial relationship with himself.

children carry their parent’s shame.