Standing on the Promises: A Handbook of Biblical Childrearing

by Douglas Wilson

By nature, children are malleable. They will either be shaped lawfully, by those commanded by God to perform the task, or they will be shaped unlawfully, by outsiders. But as children, they will be shaped.

This means that children should view the home as not simply the place where they eat and sleep, but where they are taught and shaped.

A reactionary retreat from the government schools does not necessarily represent a biblical cultural response at all.

Reaction to pagan culture is not the same as building a biblical culture. This rudimentary truth is to be first learned and applied in the home. Parents must see that their families are strengthened to the point where they become true cultures, all similar to the extent they conform to biblical standards, and all as different as their last names.

And lastly, we are to take heed that we do not despise our little ones.

The Lord says we are to take heed, take care, that we do not despise them. There are at least two ways to be guilty of such despising, the first being perhaps more obvious. Children are despised when they are neglected, overlooked, and shunted aside for larger, more adult concerns.

But a second way of despising children is not as clear, perhaps. This happens when we think we are not despising them because we pay so much attention to them.

As we bring up our children, we should descend to their level in one sense (humility) in order to lead them to our level (maturity).

One of the central problems with bringing up children in our day is the constant temptation to underestimate their capacities. We teach them profane and irreverent little ditties, not psalms and hymns. We give them moralistic little stories, not biblical doctrine and ethics. We expect them to act as though they have no brains or souls until they have graduated from college. We aim at nothing, and we hit it every time.

Older children at home are obviously to be quasi-independent, as the parents prepare them for the time they leave. But young children are dependent. Many parents try to reverse this order.

A husband and wife must, through example and words, see that discipline is for the benefit of the children, and not for the benefit of the one disciplining. The children must understand this principle as well. Consequently, in the home, it is wrong to allow discipline that is not entirely calm.

Labor without encouragement from the promises is self-righteous legalism, and claiming promises without labor is nothing but foolish presumption. The heart of covenant-keeping is promise-believing—and faith without works is dead.

But the purpose of parental discipline is not to keep sin from appearing.

One of the curses of modern child-rearing is the low ethical and intellectual standard we set for our children.

If every Christian parent pulled their children out of the government school system, that school system, along with the lie, would collapse.

This is a falsehood

If, after a spanking, the child consistently turns away from his parent or runs away, this is an indication that there may be no standing fellowship to restore.

If a child is being neglected and then is disciplined for misbehavior, it is like knocking off bad fruit from a tree, while neglect waters and fertilizes that same tree.

Parents often think the teen years are a time to start imposing standards. But when a child is older, that should be the time when the standards are lifted, and not imposed.

But when laws multiply, so does non-compliance.

This is not catering to the child; it is simply a matter of picking the battles carefully.

Insecurity will be evident to attentive parents if they watch for it long before it manifests itself in disobedience. For example, little girls should have a very great aversion to strange men. If a little girl climbs up into a strange man’s lap with no encouragement at all and is all over him like a wet towel, that little girl is headed for trouble. If she is not getting sufficient masculine attention at home from her father, she will start getting it wherever she can.