The Time Machine Did It

by John Swartzwelder

After awhile, they noticed I was listening in, partly because I kept asking them to repeat things.

I was sleeping like a baby – waking up every three hours screaming and crapping my pants.

Then I suggested Groggins must be pretty upset that the criminals were using his wonderful machine for evil purposes. He said not really. Some of the things he'd planned on using it for were kind of evil too.

I did a little of the crossword puzzle, (most of the answers were "Banana" or “Pretty Banana”, so it was fairly easy)

But the thing people should know about me when they swear me to secrecy is that I don't have a good memory. The first thing I forget is that it's a secret. The second thing I forget is who told me this secret. The third and final thing I forget is the secret itself. So if you tell me something in the strictest secrecy, you're guaranteeing that eventually everyone in the world will know this secret except me.