The Time Machine Did It

by John Swartzwelder

I had cards printed up saying I'm a private eye, so I guess until someone prints up some cards saying I'm not, I am.

I try to maintain a positive attitude at all times, because clients notice little things like that, and if you’re frowning and crying all the time and saying “why? why?”, they get worried. So I try to stay upbeat.

The criminals came into my apartment. One was very tall, the other was very small. Actually, they were both about average height. I was using artistic license there. I'm told this is the thing to do, as it makes the story more interesting. If one guy is the size of a refrigerator and the other one is the size of a thumbtack, this conjures up a vivid picture in the mind. It's like you can see the one guy being smaller than the other, and this interests you. Readers get bored if everybody's the same size.