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Kindle Notes & Highlights
Not having a goal is like getting into the car without knowing where you are headed.
“Even when we don’t agree, at least you know what I believe and where I stand.”
A key to getting other people to give you what you want is to value the other party.
the more powerful people are, the less attention they pay to the other side’s needs.
Trust is a feeling of security that the other person will protect you. With some trust, another person will help you until it’s too risky for them or a better opportunity comes along. With a lot of trust, the other party will sometimes help you even if it harms them. It is very important to understand the trust dynamic.
Lying destroys trust and ultimately hurts successful negotiations.
Trust is something that develops slowly, over time. It is an emotional commitment to one another based on mutual respect, ethics, and good feeling. It includes the notion that people care about others and will not try to grab everything for themselves.
“What’s love got to do with it?” In a negotiation, trust is nice, but not necessary.
From now on, when you have a conflict with someone, ask yourself: (a) What am I perceiving? (b) What are they perceiving? (c) Is there a mismatch? (d) If so,
When you ask someone for their perceptions first, you value them, so they are then much more interested in listening to what you have to say.
In a negotiation, questions are far more powerful than statements.
Here are the basic components of effective communication: (1) always communicate, (2) listen and ask questions, (3) value, don’t blame them, (4) summarize often, (5) do role reversal, (6) be dispassionate, (7) articulate goals, (8) be firm without damaging the relationship, (9) look for small signals, (10) discuss perceptual differences, (11) find out how they make commitments, (12) consult before deciding, (13) focus on what you can control, and (14) avoid debating who is right.
Talking is a sign of strength. Not talking is a sign of weakness.
blaming people reduces performance and motivation.
Even if you are wrong, others will appreciate the effort you make to try to understand them.
