one of the most powerful tools of all: in naming bad behavior, you must NEVER make yourself the issue. If you do, you lose the chit, because then you are also unreasonable. Attorneys make this mistake often. They may say, “How dare you call me a jerk, you jerk!” In fact, the meaner and more difficult they become, the calmer and quieter you must become. This is one of the few tools against which there is no defense. For example, say in a very sweet voice, “Why are you swearing at me? I would never curse at you. Why, we respect you.” You want to put all the focus on them. They will drive
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