Getting More: How You Can Negotiate to Succeed in Work and Life

by Stuart Diamond

“What do you want at the end of this meeting that you don’t have now?”

Your credibility is more important than your expertise, connections, intelligence, assets, and looks.

What are my goals? 2. Who are “they”? 3. What will it take to persuade them?

Remember, you are the least important person in the negotiation.

If you try to understand the pictures in their heads, you have a starting point to changing their minds.

Here are the basic components of effective communication: (1) always communicate, (2) listen and ask questions, (3) value, don’t blame them, (4) summarize often, (5) do role reversal, (6) be dispassionate, (7) articulate goals, (8) be firm without damaging the relationship, (9) look for small signals, (10) discuss perceptual differences, (11) find out how they make commitments, (12) consult before deciding, (13) focus on what you can control, and (14) avoid debating who is right.

Talking is a sign of strength. Not talking is a sign of weakness.

“That’s excellent!” you should say, without sarcasm. “When I brought this idea up a few minutes ago, I was hoping someone else would endorse it. Glad to see we agree!”

Being different adds value.

Don’t just go on faith in a business. Ask yourself what’s in it for them. Ask yourself what each of you is giving up. Ask yourself if you are placing yourself in a vulnerable position.

The best standards questions emphasize the difference between what is promised and what is delivered.

Henry Ford once said, “Whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re right.”