Go Suck a Lemon: Strategies for Improving Your Emotional Intelligence

by Michael Cornwall

Disputing (D) our irrational beliefs (iB) is a learned technique that, like using the ABCs, is an acquired skill that takes practice. Disputation (D) provides an opportunity to make new judgments about unfamiliar and familiar dilemmas. By challenging our customary self–talk, our roles and scripts, we can actually see how we create our own emotions (C) and, by disputing (D) the thoughts that lead to the emotional consequence (C), impede the generation of unhealthy, unproductive emotion. Disputing (D) requires us to challenge our firmly–held beliefs. We might ask ourselves to provide evidence, a factual basis for our beliefs (iB). Ask ourselves to prove, for example, that people should be respectful of us (iB). Prove that our wife shouldn’t divorce us (iB). Prove that our children should not forget our birthday (iB). The only possible evidence for any of these beliefs (iB) is that we don’t like it or we would rather have it our way. That is hardly enough evidence to expect others to change their behavior.