Maame

by Jessica George

I realized then that our friendships were not based on loyalty or love but convenience and proximity. I went from a close group of seven to one. Nia. Nia’s been my best

Most realtionships are proximity based

I almost tell her that fun doesn’t equate to happiness; at the very least, it lends you happiness and I want to know how to keep it. I’ve googled “How to be happy”; I’ve taken walks in the park and written long gratitude lists; I’m consuming more fruits and vegetables and going to bed early; I’ve given out compliments and practiced mindful breathing. I have tried to fix myself.

and I didn’t consider it important in my more adaptable, formative years; all my friends spoke English, and I still understood what my parents were saying regardless, so why bother? I never thought a day would come when I felt left out.

hair.” “Guy in the gray

Who cares? Be a feminist, Maddie! Can one be a feminist twenty-four seven?

“Because there’s levels to that shit. Like a lasagna.” I frown but Shu says, “Stay with me. So, on the top, that cheesy layer, that’s what you can see clearly. Hate speech, mad looks, and violence. Obvious stuff you can’t ignore. But all them layers underneath, the ones that are harder to see, microaggression and unconscious bias?

You don’t want a boyfriend who isn’t racist, Maddie. You need a boyfriend who is actively anti-racist.

about what love is. Which is trust, commitment, empathy, and respect. It means really giving a shit about the other person.”

“Some things you’re not meant to be saved from,” Nia says. “Some things have to be lessons.”

“I’m sure there was a time when I was happy,” I say to the boiling pot of pasta. “But how do you measure that? How do you know if you’re genuinely happy or if you’re just mostly all right, with sprinkles of laughter and occasional shit storms of sadness? Maybe I’ve only ever been all right.”

“Comparison is no friend of mental health,” Alex says. He leans forward so I can spot the lighter specks in his eyes. “What you go through and how it affects you is just as valid as someone dealing with their own situation. What did your parents say when you told them? They sound the supportive type.”

Worst’ would imply there’s something wrong with you—and there’s not. A person’s troubles are not measured by the size of those troubles, but by how much they weigh on the individual carrying them. I’ve