“That was my shelter, my handle on things. That was how I would cope. And every day that went by, my thought about killing Lennon became stronger and stronger until at some point that I don’t remember I decided to actually do it. I actually did open that pit door on the bottom of the ground—open it, go down into it, and shut out the tornado. I entered a whole new realm then of living. It was just as desperate, but the winds stopped howling. It didn’t hurt anymore. There was a goal, a substance to be grabbed onto then. “I was to find that there was actually no way out of that iron pit door ever
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