“Where was the beginning of this? This had to happen at Covenant. With total clarity, I saw that all this began with my breakdown at Covenant College and proceeded up to that night of December 8, 1980. I realized why I got depressed at Covenant College. I never had that answer before. I thought maybe the war problems I had seen at Fort Chaffee, the fact that … I had had sex and I had repressed the guilt from that and never told Jessica. I don’t ever remember dealing with guilt from that. Why was I a security guard? Because I thought I was a nothing, and that was the only thing I could handle.
