The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind

by Daniel J. Siegel

So what do you do when you recognize that your downstairs brain has taken over and you’ve begun to lose your mind? First, do no harm. Close your mouth to avoid saying something you’ll regret. Put your hands behind your back to avoid any kind of rough physical contact. When you’re in a downstairs moment, protect your child at all costs. Second, remove yourself from the situation and collect yourself. There’s nothing wrong with taking a breather, especially when it means protecting your child. You can tell her you need a break to calm down so she doesn’t feel rejected. Then, although it might feel a bit silly at times, try out the “move it or lose it” technique. Do jumping jacks. Try some yoga stretches. Take slow, deep breaths. Do whatever it takes to regain some of the control you lost when your amygdala hijacked your upstairs brain. You’ll not only move into a more integrated state yourself, but also model for your kids some quick self-regulation tricks they can use. Finally, repair. Quickly. Reconnect with your child as soon as you are calm and feeling more in control of yourself. Then deal with whatever emotional and relational harm has been done. This may involve your expressing forgiveness, but it may also require that you apologize and accept responsibility for your own actions. This step needs to occur as quickly as possible. The sooner you repair the connection between yourself and your child, the sooner you can both regain your emotional balance and get back to en...