We learn early in life to use our connections with reliable others to soothe our internal distress. This is the basis of secure attachment. But if we aren’t given such nurturing, our brain will need to adapt and do the best it can. Children can learn to “go it alone” in an effort to soothe themselves as best they can. The relational, emotional circuitry of this child’s brain, which needs closeness and connection that are not being offered to her, may completely shut down as a way of adapting. This is how the social brain shuts down its
