Hamartia

by Scarlett Drake

Me falling in love with a guy? Ha, probably, you know. I’m sure the second he was born he was meant for me.

him. I’d never seen anything as beautiful or as…fuck…as perfect as him.

He was the moon and the stars and everything in-between and all I wanted to do was worship at his feet. The band, my girlfriend, my dad, everything that I thought was important to me, just ceased to exist the moment I first saw him. I’m not proud of that. But it’s what it was.

There was before him and after him, two sides, and I am two completely separate people on each.

I was like a stranger to my own fucking soul.

Jérémie would continue to despise me. Continue to believe I’m not good enough for his daughter. Which I’m probably not, but it would be better if he didn’t realize that.

BYE THIS MADE ME LAUGH

And if I’m gonna marry anyone, it’s gonna be Camille Le Garde.

I check his account more than I check my own.

“I do not want to be your friend, Raphael. I do not want to watch sunrises and think of you. I do not want to close my eyes to go to sleep and see the image of your mouth when you smile. I do not want to spend a five-hour flight daydreaming about your eyes or the sound of your voice or the way you say my name. I do not want it. And yet… all of these things I have done just today.”

“No, not really. I’ve just…been dealing with some stuff.” Cheating on her. “It’s my fault. All of it. She hasn’t done anything wrong.

“I want to buy you presents all the time. Spoil you.”

“I want to be with you. I love you and I want to be with you and I am not afraid anymore of what the world thinks of it. I want to love who I want to love and do what I love to do. I want it all even if it makes me selfish. If you give me another chance I promise I will give you everything I could not before. I promise not to be scared, I promise to try to be everything you want me to be…I promise I will love you loudly and not in the shadows, I promise…”