Deathless

by Catherynne M. Valente

Keep me and obey me, the secret said to her, for I am your husband and I can destroy you.

There is no better teacher of rough necessity than bad luck, and you will have great use of me, I promise.

I will be cruel to you, Marya Morevna. It will stop your breath, how cruel I can be. But you understand, don’t you? You are clever enough. I am a demanding creature. I am selfish and cruel and extremely unreasonable. But I am your servant. When you starve I will feed you; when you are sick I will tend you. I crawl at your feet; for before your love, your kisses, I am debased. For you alone I will be weak.”

We who were once living can guard you still, and love you, and keep you living safe and whole. Nothing ever truly dies.

even when you have been wicked, sometimes there is a warm bed and a warm friend somewhere, if only you know where to look.

“I don’t mean it. Stay with me forever, forever, until you die, and then, still, I will keep your bones and clutch them to my breast.”

“When do you feel most alive, Marya, but when you are closest to death? That is where I live. That is what my body is made of.”

Some seek out the bird of heaven all their days, praying to be drowned in him. Each of these cannot comprehend what drives the other. How can you want to lose yourself, your history, your name? How can you run from the voice of God? But of course, no amount of seeking will find Alkonost, and no amount of hiding will avoid him. Life is like that.