The Female Quixote in Classics Without All the Class

Dec 09, 2015 Whitney rated it liked it

It is baffling to think that a young heiress of ANY century would spend her formative years reading romance novels and believing that the events and characters therein were FACTUAL.

This book is difficult. Funny events and misunderstandings do happen, but readers must sift through the flowery language to reach understanding.

We go through 400 pages of our protagonist Lady Arabella acting like a fathead, and finally, in the next-to-last chapter, after she nearly drowns herself in a fatheaded panic, It is baffling to think that a young heiress of ANY century would spend her formative years reading romance novels and believing that the events and characters therein were FACTUAL.

This book is difficult. Funny events and misunderstandings do happen, but readers must sift through the flowery language to reach understanding.

We go through 400 pages of our protagonist Lady Arabella acting like a fathead, and finally, in the next-to-last chapter, after she nearly drowns herself in a fatheaded panic, a clergyman visits her and mansplains that just because a French author writes a book, it doesn't mean he knows what went down between Amalazontha and Cleilia two thousand years ago. And by the way, those dames never existed.

So basically this book is a 400-page lesson to Always Cite Your Sources!

Regarding Arabella herself, aside from being reeallly annoying, she's hilarious. She believes that she MUST behave like a romance heroine. She single-mindedly follows the fictitious examples.

Rule number 1: If a lady is alone with a man, he cannot prevent himself from falling in love with her. He will react in three potential ways. He may (1) declare his love; (2) hide his love forever, because declaring his love is a Crime, and will forever shame the lady, or (3) he will kidnap the lady in preparations to Ravish her.

Rule number 2: If a lady receives a love declaration from a man, she may react in three potential ways. She may (1) banish him from the country; (2) wait for him to apologize, where she will forgive him and declare that she does not hate him; or (3) (optional) she'll tell him he does not have to kill himself, because he probably will try something drastic to correct his horrible Crime of love declaration.

Rule number 3: If a lady is kidnapped by a man, she has 2 options. She must either (1) faint for the duration of kidnapping, or (2) burn down the man's castle and jump into the nearest body of water.

Passing observations on polite female behavior
1. If you go anywhere on a horse, make sure to be galloping
2. If you want to give instructions to someone, but you do not wish to speak, do so by Signs by your own invention, i.e. "make a sign for him to be gone." Move your hands around and assume that everyone will understand, because it was what everyone did two thousand years ago!
3. You can get away with all kinds of stupid shit if you're pretty enough. ...more

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Jul 14, 2020 Toni rated it really liked it

Shelves: books-read-in-2020

Dear The Female Quixote,

You are a riot! Once I got used to your 18th century language, I enjoyed all the hilarious social blunders that Arabella makes because she reads too much. You are a great textual companion to the original Quixote, and though you focus on such a specific time period, your story was embarrassingly familiar. Like everyone in Arabella's life, my father also used to beg me to leave fantasy behind and live firmly in reality. I mean, I could tell stories that would rival Arabell ...more

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