Pretending to be Normal: Living with Asperger's Syndrome in Aspies

Sep 19, 2019 Helen White rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: neurodivergent

If you are looking for Asperger's bios to read, as I currently am and as is probabaly (I speculate) quite the trend amongst the wave of mid-life females that are starting to wake up to their own undiagnosed Asperger's, then this book will certainly cross your path. I've noticed how health professionals concerned with Asperger's often make reference to it. It was certainly one of the earliest I added to my own "to read" list when I gleaned that first incling that I was one of a whole generation o If you are looking for Asperger's bios to read, as I currently am and as is probabaly (I speculate) quite the trend amongst the wave of mid-life females that are starting to wake up to their own undiagnosed Asperger's, then this book will certainly cross your path. I've noticed how health professionals concerned with Asperger's often make reference to it. It was certainly one of the earliest I added to my own "to read" list when I gleaned that first incling that I was one of a whole generation of undiagnosed females who had spent their entire lives to-date exhausting and bewildering themselves to fake normalcy in a nuerotypcial world. I was just about to read it at last when I watched a contemporary movie about a young man with Asperger's and there it was again; a virtual advert for the book in the scene when the young woman wanting to get to know her good-looking Asperger's neighbour seeks advice about what Asperger's is and is directed to this book.

So, yes, certainly, I would say this is a "must-read" along the path of self-exploration. Yet again (as in the case of a number of female Asperger's writers), I found hugely relatable passages in LHW's account of her pre-diagnosed life, not least her experiences through school and university. I have underlined almost as much as in some other recently completed books and intend to go through all my notes for a review once I've completed some other reading as this book has certainy helped to direct my enquiries and, as ever, offered the sense of spending time with a relatable compatriot for the few days it took for me to complete it. I did enjoy the journey through her experiences!

The one thing I would add, however (and the missing star from my review), is that I am glad this was not the first book I picked up on the topic and here's the reason why. The first couple of books I read on this female adult asperger's topic left me feeling like I was air punching whilst shouting "ra ra ra" and doing a happy jig at just how good they made me feel about claiming and reinterpreting these traits to which I had newly found the key...and this is just so important. My entire stance on Asperger's, even before reading other peoples' accounts, is that it is a collection of gifts, not a measure of brokeness and these books only encouraged me along, which was what I wanted (even needed) from them.

I was aware that Pretending to be Normal was a breakthrough book, published in the 1990s and so I was prepared for that context to have an impact on its tone since attitudes to Asperger's have evolved quite a lot since that time. I should qualify, they have evolved amongst those who have it whereas, in the establishment world of psycho-bable, they have only regressed to the point that "Asperger's" as its own definition has been abolished and is no longer a recognised medical term!

I also noted that LHW had updated this edition and so I was hopeful that the addition of an update would refect the more positive stance I like to think is now shared amongst the growing number of women who own, even flaunt, their Apserger's traits. Instead, I found a rather jaded add-on in which LHW feels things have not greatly improved, although she has changed her stance from advising that we continue to pretend normalcy to where she now recommends being open about our Asperger's to anyone with whom we have more than a passing relationship (she does provide some very useful guidelines on how to handle this, in different contexts from family to school and work etc, at the back of the book). This is an opinion that I share and I am so glad she updated her conclusion to state this since the very title "Pretending to be Normal" rattles me in that context. Surely, the very moment of diagnosis is the moment when you cease to have to pretend any longer?

That said, I still found the overall conclusion a little dour and with little sense of "what next" to offer me as someone wanting to embrace this aspect of myself in a more dynamic way. For me, it is not quite enough to hide muself away and live life quietly and inoffensively on my terms; I want to contribute to the great big pot of positivity around Asperger's and this is something I hope to bring to my own book in the making, having noticed how its absence left me feeling rather flat in this one.

I would still urge you to read this book....read it, take from it what is useful and relatable but then, for heavens sake, don't make that the end of your journey but dive into as many other books by adult women Asperger's writers as you can, especially those who realised later on in their lives since (if you are anything like me) you will find bits and pieces of yourself in every story. I did find myself in this one for sure, but I choose to take my own ending a few yards further towards the positive. ...more

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Jan 22, 2020 Mette rated it it was ok

Shelves: adhd-autisme-og-aspergers-syndrom, læst-i-2020, købt-på-ebay

I'm NOT very impressed with the book. As a person who also has Asperger's Syndrome, there was shockingly little I could recognize from the picture the author draws from the diagnosis itself, what life is like when you are not NT and so on ... I am somewhat surprised that the book has such a high ratings! ...more

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