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[close] RAGE OF CONSENT
Veronica I. Arreola

Review of Yes Means Yes! Visions of Female Sexual Power and a World Without Rape
Edited by Jaclyn Friedman and Jessica Valenti
Seal Press

Utopian novels have grappled with the idea of a world without rape, but what would the path to that world look like? The controversial essays that make up Yes Means Yes! light the way along this very rough road and, not surprisingly, offer no easy solutions.

The book itself was conceived in controversy. A report on Women’s eNews about underage women who risked rape by frequenting party bars generated an explosion in the blogosphere. The onus should be on the rapist, furious critics wrote, not on the women who are raped. Feminist activists Jaclyn Friedman and Jessica Valenti responded by asking writers for submissions for Yes Means Yes!, which they promised would “fly in the face of the conventional feminist wisdom that rape has nothing to do with sex.” They wanted essays that would offer “a frank and in-depth conversation about forward-thinking ways to battle the rape culture,” and hoped contributors would help readers “imagine a world where women enjoy sex on their own terms and aren’t shamed for it…where men treat their sexual partners as collaborators, not conquests…[and] where rape is rare and swiftly punished.”

The enthusiastic response resulted in an anthology that moves the concept of consent and positive female sexuality to a new level. Its essayists ask why our society doesn’t teach its girls how to find pleasure, why women don’t define for themselves the meaning of virginity and why those who are assaulted by friends or acquaintances often refuse to label the experience as rape, thus removing most responsibility from the man.

The authors in this collection speak with authority and, unfortunately for some, from personal experience. Bitch magazine founder Lisa Jervis and Racialicious.com editor Latoya Peterson explore the guilt women feel after they are violated. Cristina Meztli Tzintzun outs herself as a feminist who took years to leave an abusive relationship and hopes she can give others the courage to admit that even radical, kick-ass feminists who know better can have a hard time breaking the cycle of violence. Fat-acceptance blogger Kate Harding argues that society sells the idea that rape should be considered a compliment to fat or ugly women. We learn that women’s acquiescence, silence and shame allow rapists to get away with the sexual intimidation that Peterson labels “not-rape.” We’re told that date rape has a new moniker— “gray rape”—which rape apologists blame on “miscommunication” or “crossed signals” or even (gasp!) feminism because feminism has promoted women’s sexual freedom. It speaks volumes that in the 21st century we still need this anthology to explain whose fault it is when a young woman who agrees to make out with her boyfriend ends up raped.

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VERONICA I. ARREOLA is director of the University of Illinois at ChicagoWomen in Science and Engineering Program by day and a feminist mommyblogger at vivalafeminista.com by night.