I Spy Something Bloody (I Spy, #1) in Q&A with Josh Lanyon

Jun 29, 2011 Paola rated it it was amazing

Shelves: owned-as-ebook, story-publ-d-in-s-author-antho-too

This is a very interesting love story, made even richer because of its dark undertones, and a believable, intense, sometimes heart-wrenching, conflict between the main characters.
One of the most interesting aspects in this book for me was Josh Lanyon’s intelligent exploration of the psychological damage produced in Mark by all the years spent training and working as a spy, a kind of damage that in him translates mostly into a combination of selfish and manipulative behaviour, with a strong eleme This is a very interesting love story, made even richer because of its dark undertones, and a believable, intense, sometimes heart-wrenching, conflict between the main characters.
One of the most interesting aspects in this book for me was Josh Lanyon’s intelligent exploration of the psychological damage produced in Mark by all the years spent training and working as a spy, a kind of damage that in him translates mostly into a combination of selfish and manipulative behaviour, with a strong element of self-hate and the perception of being undeserving of love and a second chance with his ex lover Stephen, who is in many ways his polar opposite in terms of attitude and personality (generous and selfless as Mark is selfish; solid and grounded as Mark seems incapable of commitment, etc.).

On my first reading, I admit I didn’t get to appreciate all the layers that make this story so complex and interesting, maybe because I couldn’t empathize with Mark’s struggles as well as I would have wished. I kept thinking Stephen was portrayed as almost too perfect and too good to be true... But then upon second reading I started to realize that what seemed to bother me about Mark at first was also what actually made him more human and fragile and at the same time a not totally reliable narrator, especially in his ‘hero worship’ for Stephen, which made me more aware of the hurt suffered by Stephen too because of Mark’s choices. And I started to reassess some of Mark’s weaknesses and less attractive traits, like his selfishness (as when he declares his love for Stephen and admits he did it mostly for himself, because “confession is good for the soul”), his often mean and possessive nature, or his belief of being almost ‘entitled’ to be welcomed back in Stephen’s good graces, and even his often reckless and impulsive reactions, including his mean and violent streak (exemplified by the way he reacts to Stephen’s new boyfriend when the two confront each other and the fact that one of the first things he pictures about Bryce is him with a bullet in his back), while at the same time empathising with Stephen chastising Mark for his inability to deal ‘peacefully’ and ‘maturely’ with the concept of disagreeing with someone, as Mark’s spontaneous response in those situations would most likely be to attack his perceived enemy, or at least to respond to a perceived external threat (even minimal) with verbal and/or physical aggression, sometimes disproportionate to the level of threat.
Ultimately, despite loving Stephen very much and regretting what went on between them, Mark is not well equipped to handle rejection and is still bad at confrontation and emotionally immature, particularly when having to deal with the consequences with his own choices.
I think my initial dislike of Mark came from the fact that although I realised he’d had a lot of traumatic experiences in Afghanistan and in his other missions, and despite having to use deceit and manipulation on a daily basis, I was a bit disappointed that so much of his spy ‘persona’ would bleed into his personal life and making him so manipulative in trying to get what he wants, especially from Stephen, and making him struggle so much with using honesty, towards Stephen and himself, at least initially.
I also came to think that Mark might have developed such strong feelings for Stephen as a father-like figure besides a lover since he’d lost his parents at an early age (In my whole life no one ever gave me permission to fall apart, to let go. He was the only person in the world who thought I needed taking care of, protecting... it's interesting that he recognises in Stephen the role of 'protector' he hasn't experienced from anyone else, including the Old Man or his great uncle who became a surrogate parent for him after his parents died), and would not hesitate to call “home” the house he’d shared with Stephen even after a two years’ absence.
In such circumstances, it’s not hard to believe how much Mark had built up his own private ‘dream’ image of his future life with Stephen when he’d be back from his last mission, no matter how differently Stephen would see things from his POV.
Mark is smart enough to finally recognise it was a "dream".
And later on in the book, he admits to himself to having been "arrogant", "stupid" and "selfish", in his typical black & white world view, now condemning himself beyond appeal.

I found all these contradictions and very human weaknesses in Mark intriguing and helped me empathise with this character more and more as I kept reading and discovering more about his background and personal struggles.

And in the sequel

I Spy Something Wicked (I Spy, #2) by Josh Lanyon

, Mark’s character growth and dilemmas become even more prominent and take on a more urgent, almost desperate quality, making him and Stephen work even harder at learning to accept each other and relieve the tension between them.

...more

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