Passion's Proud Captive (Van der Lind #1) in Bodice Ripper Readers Anonymous

Nov 10, 2010 Wendy, Lady Evelyn Quince rated it really liked it

Shelves: romance, historical-romance, xx2010xx-read, love-boat, read-in-2010s, reviewed, favorite-bodice-rippers, 4-stars, bodice-ripper, pirates

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. As far as "romance novels" go, I am stuck in a time warp. This 40 year old genre has more "variety" now than ever...but I find modern romances lacking. On a rare occasion I'll read a keeper, but they just don't do it for me. I know, they're well-written, insightful, witty, with mature sexuality. But most of them bore me. I'm a trogladyte ok! I like cheese! Spare me your Ivy-league educated authors with professional doctorates who create such works of literature like Seven Scandalous Secrets to S As far as "romance novels" go, I am stuck in a time warp. This 40 year old genre has more "variety" now than ever...but I find modern romances lacking. On a rare occasion I'll read a keeper, but they just don't do it for me. I know, they're well-written, insightful, witty, with mature sexuality. But most of them bore me. I'm a trogladyte ok! I like cheese! Spare me your Ivy-league educated authors with professional doctorates who create such works of literature like Seven Scandalous Secrets to Seduce a Man-Slut--oops--Scoundrel. Give me those 21-year-old-housewives, those retired grandmothers, those crazy cat ladies...now they knew how to write the crap I like...crap like "Passion's Proud Captive."

If ever you've wondered if a book was so trashy, so poorly written yet so awfully enjoyable that it could be considered to romance novels what "Manos the Hands of Fate" is to movies, look no further than
"Passion's Proud Captive" or "Miss Jennifer van der Lin's Ribald tales of Rapetastic Adventures in White Slavery" featuring ugly, greasy men, and a few good-looking ones, too.

This book just doesn't give a ----. It knows what it is: utter, sleazy trash.

We begin the book in medias res in the time of the American Revolution where our fearful heroine Jennifer is about to be punished by an angry ship-captain before all the men aboard. She is stripped and groped, threatened with rape, but before she can be whipped, our heroes save the day. No, this is not a menage romance, just a lame love triangle. "Lancelot Savage" (a moniker from the romance novel hero/porn star name generator) henceforth known as Savage, the dark, swarthy seaman with zero personality, no notable character-traits or charm of any sort is the main guy. Our second hero, Darcy Calhoun, a Frenchman, calls the heroine Jenny-fair and ze way ee tahk like zeez ahl zroo ze booook, eet eez zo veree, 'ow yoo zay- F$%%ing irritating. 1 star taken off just for having through figure out his lame dialogue.

Savage is injured in the rescue and Jenny-fair nurses him back to health. And then he rapes her. But since she likes it, and he's the hero, it's okay. Anyway, he's captured by the British and to save him from the hangman's noose, Jenny-fair arranges with the booby-hating gay villain to be the fat governor's mistress for a year. Sex scenes are described in titillating detail, and no matter how obese, ugly or nasty the rapist is, it's somehow bawdy...ribald, even. She is taken by man after man and her body betrays her every time.

Savage escapes from prison to be with his true love, but is shocked to find her shagging the old, decrepit magistrate. Never fear, our plucky heroine will get her man back. Jenny-fair has the brilliant idea of of traveling by ship all the way to England, somehow arranging for Savage--a pirate wanted dead by the British--to travel across the Atlantic Ocean and somehow she will arrange for the villain to admit all his wrongdoings and for Savage to overhear it.

She signs ups on an indenture ship bound for England, promising to be a prostitute. But don't worry, she knows she'll be able to escape. I felt bad for Jenny-fair who was obviously mildly retarded with an IQ south of 70. She should never have been allowed out of the house without proper supervision.

When she is sold to a whore house her first customer is a 15 year old boy with a big shlong who shtups her silly and she likes it. Later there is some voyeuristic, girl-on-girl action with an ostrich feather. And of course, the requisite sold to some sheik where Arabs/Indians/Turks (according the author it's all the same thing) live on an island in the Mediterranean. There is an evil Jenny-fair look-alike and before you know it, our adventures are over...wait no, ***SPOILERS*** the book actually ends in a cliffhanger with no definite conclusion and the reader is left wondering, huh?

But don't worry, there's a sequel to this book, and the fate of our protagonists will be fully and satisfyingly revealed...right?

This book is a mess. A hot, nasty mess. I read it so quickly because it really doesn't take much thinking. It starts in action and just keeps going. There is no introspection and proto-feminism of "Wicked Loving Lies," no intense, emotional rollercoster like "Stormfire," no sumptuous purple-prose and rich attention to detail and history like "Skye O'Malley." Other books have a witty style, historical research, deep characters, but this book has none of those things. The heroine is literally Too Stupid To Live, the hero is a non-entity, the villains cliched and dumb. But it's fun and pure cheeseball bodice ripper action. And for what it was, I enjoyed it very much. (The sequel, is another story...)

4 high stars/B+ ...more

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Oct 05, 2013 Jena added it

Shelves: mistress-heroine, bodice-ripper-raper, heroine-has-lover-after-breakup, beautiful-heroine, cheating, triangle, rapey, heroine-raped-by-many, indentured-h

This book is such a wreck that it's fun to read. ...more

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Nov 22, 2010 Alucard added it

Fantastic cover. I love the fact that in the 70's it was "anything goes" and the heroines never caught breaks or escaped from the bad guys. Very passionate. ...more

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