Not That Kind of Girl: A Young Woman Tells You What She's "Learned" in Our Shared Shelf

Nov 04, 2014 Kristen rated it it was ok

I had this awesome review written in my head when I finished it late last night. I wanted to like this book so much more than I did. I love "Girls" - I stuck with it even when things got rocky this past season. I think the writing is clever, the acting fantastic, and story lines funny. Her candor has always struck me as refreshing, and I appreciate it. I can overlook the flaws in terms of the lack of diversity and general narcissism. And I don't really fault Dunham for those flaws, it is clear t I had this awesome review written in my head when I finished it late last night. I wanted to like this book so much more than I did. I love "Girls" - I stuck with it even when things got rocky this past season. I think the writing is clever, the acting fantastic, and story lines funny. Her candor has always struck me as refreshing, and I appreciate it. I can overlook the flaws in terms of the lack of diversity and general narcissism. And I don't really fault Dunham for those flaws, it is clear that she grew up in a space of white privilege. She writes what she knows.

At the same time, knowing isn't learning. She hasn't learned anything from experiences except that a neurotic, one-dimensional female - a common trope in comedic literature and film - is a formula for success. The same is true for Dunham's book: I don't think Lena has demonstrated any learning. She is the same neurotic, self-obsessed, immature, indulged, privileged, whiny girl from start to finish. Yes, she is honest. Yes, she is a creative risk-taker in being so honest. And for someone who is marketed as and markets herself as a feminist/voice of a generation/creative risk taker, I want to scream at her: STAND. UP. FOR. YOUR. SELF. BE. A. PROFESSIONAL. (I understand that "yourself" is one word, but for purpose of emphasis, I made it two.) When men in the workplace objectify you, stand up for yourself. If some boyfriend treats you poorly, stand up for yourself. If you don't want to be seen as that one-dimensional neurotic female, always in the need of other people's rescuing (parents, therapist, boyfriend(s), friends), then STAND UP FOR YOURSELF.

This is especially evident in the second half of the book in which Dunham whines incessantly about her those who somehow wronged in her (as seen in her passive aggressive faux emails and the chapter about "sunshine stealers). Additionally, in her chapter about "when I am 80," she plays the role of revenge seeker, acting from the safety and comfort of old age, saying that when she is old, only then can she be really and truly honest about all those injustices. Instead, Dunham wastes time being honest about sexual experiences, her sister's sexual preference, her time in therapy, and her stints at summer camp/college/whatever. Time better spent being honest with herself about what she learned from these experiences. AND WHAT SHE PLANS ON DOING ABOUT IT. Consequently, the book reads as a "tell all" - a "burn book" for everyone or everything that contributed to her curiosity/neuroses/fears/sexual awakening. Somehow it is ok to be honest about prying open your sister's vagina and reporting on your findings or allowing a male teacher to make sexually suggestive remarks while alone in a classroom with him, but it is not ok to be honest about what you learned in terms of the bigger issues at play.

So has she been dishonest thus far as that feminist-icon-in-training? Has she been honest as someone who seeks equality? Action and justice can only occur when she can hide behind old age. She feels as though she can't stand up for herself until that point. She would rather play the victim - shouting from the pages of her book and from her television show: look what everyone else did to me!!!! Like it's not her fault boundaries were crossed, not her fault she feels compelled to nark on counselors who drink and then feel guilty about it, not her fault she gets blindingly drunk and has unprotected sex. In fact, taking advantages of others and being taken advantage of everything/everyone are ok by her.

I am not doubting gender inequality is pervasive in our world, and I am not doubting that because of that inequality, women have to work twice as hard to make their mark. We do. But are we making our mark when the "voice of a generation" crumbles to their will and is more of a damsel in distress than a game changer? And, I believe that women like Dunham have the capacity to be game changers; she is smart, funny, creative, and talented. She sits in a position of power, wearing the mantle for positive change. Honesty in writing doesn't equal honesty in action. I so want her to, as Gandhi said, "be the change we wish to see." So what's it going to be, Lena - are you going to be the change or the victim? The game changer or the damsel in distress?

Perhaps I misread her and perhaps I expected more from her. As when many popular culture icons and sports heroes are revered, we love them only until we can knock them down, unearth juicy tidbits of information, and expose them for the humans they actually are. Lucky for us, Dunham is upfront and honest about those flaws, effectively knocking herself down. Thus it seems as though she is more bent on protecting herself from the criticism of others through her honesty; that maybe if she says it first, no one can do it to her - effectively cementing her place as victim/damsel in distress not [feminist] hero.

I will still watch Girls. I will support her endeavors. I will read about her in People Magazine. She is smart entertainment, but she is entertainment. There is no doubt she is talented and creative. But I will not place her on a pedestal for gender equality and feminism until she STANDS. UP. FOR. HER. SELF. and TAKES. ACTION.

But I thank Dunham for introducing me, as seen in a coked out dance party from an episode from Girls, to the best [solo] dance party song ever: Robyn's "Dancing On My Own."

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Jun 29, 2016 Christine Hopkins rated it it was amazing

I gave in to the hype and I'm so glad I did. Absolutely loved it - she's endearing and honest in a way none of the other recent autobiographical novels of this genre have been. ...more

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Nov 28, 2015 Sarah rated it liked it

Shelves: american-nonfiction

This was good. I enjoyed reading it, and reading it quickly. I was happy with her openness; her willingness to discuss what others won't was probably liberating for her as well as her readers, especially the young women among us, and I will recommend it to the many <30 women I know. I've given it three stars because I'm personally past some of the issues with which she's dealing in the book, just because I'm a little bit older. Maybe it would have been four if I'd been ten years younger and read ...more

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