How to Win Friends & Influence People in Overdue Podcast

Sep 01, 2015 David rated it really liked it

Shelves: non-fiction

I can't believe how many negative reviews I saw here after reading this--most of them with the same complaints. This book is 'amoral,' 'manipulative,' 'heartless,' etc. Did we read the same book? This is definitely not a book for con men like many seem to think. Since when did trying to sell a product become evil? This book isn't some magic key, it doesn't work on everyone all the time no matter what. But it is a good general guideline to follow, because by doing so you give others what they wan I can't believe how many negative reviews I saw here after reading this--most of them with the same complaints. This book is 'amoral,' 'manipulative,' 'heartless,' etc. Did we read the same book? This is definitely not a book for con men like many seem to think. Since when did trying to sell a product become evil? This book isn't some magic key, it doesn't work on everyone all the time no matter what. But it is a good general guideline to follow, because by doing so you give others what they want, and maybe they'll give you what you want in return. Maybe. Not definitely but maybe. You are simply increasing your chances by giving them small things that everyone wants but are in low supply because nobody else seems to give them.

I guess I'm morally bankrupt as well, because I just don't see the problem. Nowhere is this more evident than the fact that, even knowing everything this book says, I would have no problem if someone used these "tricks" on me, because it's not telling you to do bad things, it's telling you to good things. If someone wants something from me, why shouldn't they be nice to me, make me feel important, encourage me to talk about myself, avoid criticizing me outright, let me save face when I mess up, etc? Why shouldn't they do their best to talk about things in terms of what I want and explaining how helping them will help me? It's not like I can't still say no, but let's be honest, I'm definitely more likely to say yes than if they were "sincere" and "themselves" and didn't do a damn thing to make me feel good.

I don't care how fake these things come across, it would still be better than not doing them, because at least it shows an effort and consideration towards me. It's not just, "listen to what I want and give it to me and we're not even going to pretend that I view you as anything more than a means to an end." Sure, that would be more "real" but it's not more pleasant. There's nothing wrong with pretending. We all know most girls don't really like giving blowjobs, but you still want them to pretend that they love it while it's happening, don't you?

Carnegie feels the same way, clearly, because he offers examples where his principles "worked" on him and he doesn't say it like he was hoodwinked. He counts it as a good thing. Someone did him a favor by treating him this way and he gave more consideration to what they wanted in return than he would someone who didn't do these things, because duh.

That's not manipulation, that's mutual benefit. That's saying,

"hey, we both know we're only talking to each other right now because I want to make a business transaction with you, but I took the time to learn who you are as a human being and listen to your accomplishments/problems/interests. I took into consideration what you want and tried to align it as best I could with what I want for our mutual gain. I saw things from your point of view. Wouldn't you rather be in business with someone who can see things from your point of view instead of someone who doesn't even try because it's 'incincere'?"

The answer is a resounding yes.

Haters gonna hate. ...more

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Jul 06, 2015 Sarina M rated it liked it

Shelves: self-help

This probably deserves 3.5 stars but alas that is impossible. There are some good tips in this book, and the overall message is to be polite. Some parts of this book seemed to be directed toward revealing the best and most polite ways to manipulate people, which was a bit sketchy. Even so, I like the overall theme of the book which expresses that it is good to show respect and interest in others in all interactions, even if Carnegie came off a bit pompous while delivering his message.

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