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Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls

Mary Pipher

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Mar 11, 2009 Lynne rated it liked it

Mary Pipher is a practicing clinical psychologist who draws upon her years of counseling experience to look at the two conflicting selves of adolescent girls: The identity each has in elementary school, the daughter who is full of wonder and curiosity and is close to her parents, and the older version, more complacent and conforming, mostly shaped by the media and their peers. Pipher argues that this change is dangerous to girls' very survival.

Pipher’s main point here is that to successfully par Mary Pipher is a practicing clinical psychologist who draws upon her years of counseling experience to look at the two conflicting selves of adolescent girls: The identity each has in elementary school, the daughter who is full of wonder and curiosity and is close to her parents, and the older version, more complacent and conforming, mostly shaped by the media and their peers. Pipher argues that this change is dangerous to girls' very survival.

Pipher’s main point here is that to successfully parent an adolescent girl we must find a balance between security and freedom. We want our daughters to grow up safe from harm but also allow them to blossom into their own unique selves. Less structure leads to more short-term risk but more potential for long-term growth, and more structure leads to less short-term risk but a higher potential for long-term conformity. This is a fine line to walk, and the external forces with which girls are confronted on a daily basis make it that much more difficult.

Pipher uses actual case studies of former “clients” to support the more abstract claims she is making, and she does this fairly successfully. Of course, the fact that her case studies essentially come from a self-selected pool (they’re certainly not a random sample of the population because those people seeking therapy are naturally going to be in more need of help—or at least think they do—than others) weakens the credibility of her analysis a bit. Nonetheless, the conclusions she draws are logical and founded in external research as well as her clients’ experiences.

Though this book originally came out in 1994, the examples and conclusions definitely still ring true today. In fact, the ideas expressed here are probably more important to take to heart now. Some of the information presented is shocking. For example, 70% of girls experience harassment and 50% experience unwanted sexual touching in school, most often from fellow students. I can only imagine that this statistic is as high or higher today.

On a personal note, I’ve had this book on my shelf for years and finally decided to pull it out to gain some insight into my daughters’ behaviors. Perhaps the most important idea that I took from this book came from reading the case studies. First of all, they made me realize that the personality change that teenage girls undergo is nearly universal; moreover, I came to the conclusion that not only am I a fairly decent parent but also that our family’s experiences are far less dramatic and troubled than those of Pipher’s clients.

This book took quite a while for me to read not just because the ideas are weighty but also because of the time required for me to reflect on them. Well, that and the fact that Pipher seems to have adopted the motto, “Why use just one metaphor to illustrate your point when you can use four or five?” The book probably could have been about 30 pages shorter. That said, the book is definitely a worthwhile read for anyone and a must read for anyone who is or has a daughter.
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Aug 31, 2009 Rebecca rated it liked it

Shelves: nonfiction

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