From the Bookshelf of Read with Tegan Book Club…

The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed

Jessica Lahey

Finish date: December 6, 2020

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Jul 07, 2018 Tegan rated it really liked it

Shelves: 21-parenthood

Many lessons that as a parent, I know deep down would help make life easier for both parents/children in my household. It will be difficult to change my set ways but I will give it a try!

Here are some excerpts that spoke to me:

“Some people are afraid of heights, some are afraid of water. I am afraid of failure - which for the record is called atychiphobia. I am so afraid of failing that I lose focus on what actually matters: learning. On focusing on the outcome, I lose the value of the actual as Many lessons that as a parent, I know deep down would help make life easier for both parents/children in my household. It will be difficult to change my set ways but I will give it a try!

Here are some excerpts that spoke to me:

“Some people are afraid of heights, some are afraid of water. I am afraid of failure - which for the record is called atychiphobia. I am so afraid of failing that I lose focus on what actually matters: learning. On focusing on the outcome, I lose the value of the actual assignment and deprive myself of learning.”

“Protecting kids from the frustration, anxiety and sadness they experience from failure in the short term keeps our kids from becoming resilient and from experiencing the growth mindset they deserve.”

“Encourage competence in your child whenever possible. Competence and mastery are incredible motivators. Once children get a taste of success, particularly success borne of their own efforts and persistence, it becomes addictive. This is a lovely thing about competence- it is a self-fulfilling prophecy.”

“The ability to judge one’s own level of knowledge, skill, or thought process is called metacognition and it is what allows kids to gauge whether or not they are prepared or knowledgeable on a topic. Students with good metacognitive skills are more likely to achieve what Lange calls ‘self-efficacy’ or a belief in their ability to succeed. Not confidence in their ability to succeed. Not magical thinking based on parents’ effusive praise, but a belief based on experience, and repeated effort in a skill or task.”

“Adopt a growth mindset in your own life, even when it makes you uncomfortable. When your kids see you stretch yourself, even if you fail in the process, they will be more likely to stretch themselves. Better yet, let them see you continue to stretch yourself after you fail so that they understand that failing at a task does not mean that the person is a failure. You are your child’s first and greatest role model so show him that you are dedicated to the idea that success is tied to effort not innate talent. Find the thing that you cannot do and give it a shot.”

[Typos are my own.] ...more

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Jul 10, 2018 THolloway marked it as to-read

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