From the Bookshelf of Bad Books, Good Times…
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It's a really creepy mermaid story with a dysfunctional love story that rivals the one in Fifty Shades. I…more
[close] It's a really creepy mermaid story with a dysfunctional love story that rivals the one in Fifty Shades. I also dare you to not hate the main protagonist. I don't think it's possible
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I've noticed a lot of reviews for this book using the line, for a free book it isn't bad. And I'm inclined to agree. You get what you pay for. It's a shame though, as this book had the potential to be a great read... but loses its way somewhere.
For all intent and purposes, this is a mermaid romance. Or siren romance, I should say. These classical femme fatale beings are not exactly the best romantic source, as anyone who's read the Illiad or the Odyssey would know. Best known for luring unsuspe I've noticed a lot of reviews for this book using the line, for a free book it isn't bad. And I'm inclined to agree. You get what you pay for. It's a shame though, as this book had the potential to be a great read... but loses its way somewhere.
For all intent and purposes, this is a mermaid romance. Or siren romance, I should say. These classical femme fatale beings are not exactly the best romantic source, as anyone who's read the Illiad or the Odyssey would know. Best known for luring unsuspecting men to their deaths, I was hard pressed to believe any relationship with a would-be siren could last. I suspect that's the appeal of this story. Instead of the dangerous alluring man beguiling an unsuspecting woman, we now have the reverse gender roles. If done well, this book could have been intriguing.
But there were some serious problems. First off, the protagonist was, quite frankly, unlikable. In the very first scene, our first impression of Abby was tainted by her leaving a young girl to drown and then be ripped apart by sharks. By portraying Abby in such an unfavorable light, its hard for us to ever warm up to her. No matter how guilty she felt about her choice to leave the girl, it didn't change what she did. As an author, you only have a very short window to introduce your protagonist to the reader. If that window shows the main character of the book behaving in a way that's even a little bit despicable (there are exceptions such as dark heros and the like but I want to keep this review simple) you will turn off the readership almost immediately. After all, if we don't like the protagonist, why would we want to tag along with them for the rest of the novel? Why would we care?
I'm a bit of an exception. I'll read books from start to finish, no matter how bad. But I'm not afraid to admit that this book was a chore to read.
Abby should have done everything in her power to try to rescue the girl, even if the girl didn't survive. Even the cover shows a kind of heroism that we never see Abby display (a hand grasping a limp wrist through murky waters). If its not in Abby's character to save the girl, then this shouldn't have been the first scene. Because the consequence of this first seemingly small act makes the character traits like "coward" "selfish" and "self-serving" the most prominent of Abby's overall personality.
But then none of the characters are likable. Abby's brother is embittered and jealous. Matilda, Abby's mother, is almost clinically hysterical, paranoid and emotionally distant from her own daughter. Abby's late father was a cruel god-playing scientist who unwittingly tortures his daughter for a "cure" (probably the most likable in that he was rarely in the story and actually apologizes for his actions towards the end of the book). Abby's classmates, the police force, and even people just walking by are blind ignorant masses that have a vicious tendency towards violence (of physical, vocal and even sexual natures). You'd have to wonder why every man walking down the street doesn't just jump and rape the first woman they see walking the other way. And in Barnett's world, like the Dothraki in a Song of Ice & Fire, any bystanders would just keep walking.
Even Brian, Abby's eventual beloved (though I still don't comprehend how or when this came about), is a bipolar, paranoid, schizophrenic and frequently aggressive mess. He can't decide if he loves Abby or if he wants to take a piano wire to her throat. In fact, he even beats her head in with a rock at some point. An action I think was supposed to stop her "killing" song. But really just seemed nonsensical and comically violent. Thank god he becomes possessed by an evil snake spirit at the end of the book. Now he'll have an excuse for being as bipolar as he naturally is.
I think Barnett's greatest problem in this book is that she enjoys writing (or only knows how to) in extremes. If someone is upset, they are extremely upset, in hysterics even. If someone is angry, they are incredibly and violently angry. She needs to cool her book down into the normal range of emotions where normal human beings reside on a regular basis. These flashes of extreme emotions are jarring and they made her characters appear inhuman (or more inhuman than I think she'd want them to appear).
The supposed true love relationship budding between Brian and Abby is at best, rushed. At worse, a fictitious lie brought about by Abby's own seductive powers. Brian is bewitched by Abby from the first moment he spies her crawling up from the beach. But there is never a moment that Abby falls in love with him back. They never get to know each other... there's just always a threat of danger to keep them on the run. I'm not even sure when it was decided that Abby loved Brian back. They just started calling Brian her beloved and suddenly Abby couldn't live without him. I thought that she might... enjoy Brian's company. But she's only know him for a few days. Isn't calling him, him, the guy who's been unjustly accusing her of murdering young girls, her beloved just a bit of a stretch?
This book needs a coherent outline so that Barnett can organize her thoughts and keep her villains from monologuing the plot. This could also help her keep the various emotional states separated. She's trying to jam too much emotion and information into too short a space of time. Some of the explanation (and emotion) we could have done without.
The book also lacks a serious proof reading. Lines were repeated constantly. Sometimes on the same page... which made the characters appear a little slow. I swear Abby was told at least four times that she was the last Siren, but it wasn't until the fourth time that the statement really sunk in. Also in the first scene, I believe there was a mention of a boat that the girl was being dumped from. But later we discover it was a snake that was killing them... what was the boat for? Other than making it easier for the villain to get caught.
That was another thing, the villains. The villains were incredibly dumb. They'd make things needlessly complicated for themselves when a simpler route was always available to them. I think this also ties back into the need of a more coherent outline.
Really, I think this book is still in its first draft stage. It needs a few more rewrites and maybe then it'd be ready for general purchase. As it is right now, I don't think it would do well in the mass market.
Highlights from my Status Updates:
(view spoiler)[
If he weren't so nerdy, Abby mused, he might actually be kind of cute.
I'm trying really hard to like this protagonist. But it's lines like this that make it so difficult.
Well... there goes Abby's friend that we knew nothing about. Except that she used to be friends with Abby... Yeah. So much for that.
"By hurting all those people?" said Brian. "Because that's what you did."
"You don't know that they're hurt."
"Yeah, I think I do."
No you f-ing don't, you ass hat! You have no idea what happened at the airport. You don't even know what she means by "freezing" them. For all you know, nothing happened at all! Geez, I like Abby as far as I can throw her, but still! You need to back off, buddy!
...and for one powerful second he wanted to pull her to him, to taste her saltiness with his mouth.
Ew. What the f--k! When did I end up reading Fifty Shades again?!
Okay. Creepy fantasies about murdering your step father via strangulation isn't really healthy.
Oh god, thought Brian. He's having a seizure. What am I supposed to do? "Dad!" He said, praying the guards weren't watching.
Apparently his father having an epileptic fit embarrasses Brian. No, wouldn't want the guards to see it... you know. In case they might try to help save his life or something.
But no one was stopping. The traffic flew by. There were no good Samaritians out today.
In Barnett's book there are no good samaritians out... ever.
"You killed me," he whispered.
You think everyone's killed you, Brian.
"I thought you said there was nothing you could do!"
"Well there is," said Eleanor, staring out at the mist. "There is one way, though it will be hard."
Backtracker, thy name is Eleanor.
So her choices are to let Brian turn into a snake monster or to let him go and never see him again. And she chooses snake monster... true love?
"...Brian, this is bigger than us. I have to do this, and I have to do this now."
If this is bigger than the two of them then Abby should kill Brian to save him from the pain of turning into a monster. That's actually more selfless than keeping him.
"I'm coming," growled the serpent inside Abby's mind. "Don't fight me little brother. I'm coming in."
Wow. I wonder if Barnett ever realized how lewd that sounds?
(hide spoiler)] ...more
For all intent and purposes, this is a mermaid romance. Or siren romance, I should say. These classical femme fatale beings are not exactly the best romantic source, as anyone who's read the Illiad or the Odyssey would know. Best known for luring unsuspe I've noticed a lot of reviews for this book using the line, for a free book it isn't bad. And I'm inclined to agree. You get what you pay for. It's a shame though, as this book had the potential to be a great read... but loses its way somewhere.
For all intent and purposes, this is a mermaid romance. Or siren romance, I should say. These classical femme fatale beings are not exactly the best romantic source, as anyone who's read the Illiad or the Odyssey would know. Best known for luring unsuspecting men to their deaths, I was hard pressed to believe any relationship with a would-be siren could last. I suspect that's the appeal of this story. Instead of the dangerous alluring man beguiling an unsuspecting woman, we now have the reverse gender roles. If done well, this book could have been intriguing.
But there were some serious problems. First off, the protagonist was, quite frankly, unlikable. In the very first scene, our first impression of Abby was tainted by her leaving a young girl to drown and then be ripped apart by sharks. By portraying Abby in such an unfavorable light, its hard for us to ever warm up to her. No matter how guilty she felt about her choice to leave the girl, it didn't change what she did. As an author, you only have a very short window to introduce your protagonist to the reader. If that window shows the main character of the book behaving in a way that's even a little bit despicable (there are exceptions such as dark heros and the like but I want to keep this review simple) you will turn off the readership almost immediately. After all, if we don't like the protagonist, why would we want to tag along with them for the rest of the novel? Why would we care?
I'm a bit of an exception. I'll read books from start to finish, no matter how bad. But I'm not afraid to admit that this book was a chore to read.
Abby should have done everything in her power to try to rescue the girl, even if the girl didn't survive. Even the cover shows a kind of heroism that we never see Abby display (a hand grasping a limp wrist through murky waters). If its not in Abby's character to save the girl, then this shouldn't have been the first scene. Because the consequence of this first seemingly small act makes the character traits like "coward" "selfish" and "self-serving" the most prominent of Abby's overall personality.
But then none of the characters are likable. Abby's brother is embittered and jealous. Matilda, Abby's mother, is almost clinically hysterical, paranoid and emotionally distant from her own daughter. Abby's late father was a cruel god-playing scientist who unwittingly tortures his daughter for a "cure" (probably the most likable in that he was rarely in the story and actually apologizes for his actions towards the end of the book). Abby's classmates, the police force, and even people just walking by are blind ignorant masses that have a vicious tendency towards violence (of physical, vocal and even sexual natures). You'd have to wonder why every man walking down the street doesn't just jump and rape the first woman they see walking the other way. And in Barnett's world, like the Dothraki in a Song of Ice & Fire, any bystanders would just keep walking.
Even Brian, Abby's eventual beloved (though I still don't comprehend how or when this came about), is a bipolar, paranoid, schizophrenic and frequently aggressive mess. He can't decide if he loves Abby or if he wants to take a piano wire to her throat. In fact, he even beats her head in with a rock at some point. An action I think was supposed to stop her "killing" song. But really just seemed nonsensical and comically violent. Thank god he becomes possessed by an evil snake spirit at the end of the book. Now he'll have an excuse for being as bipolar as he naturally is.
I think Barnett's greatest problem in this book is that she enjoys writing (or only knows how to) in extremes. If someone is upset, they are extremely upset, in hysterics even. If someone is angry, they are incredibly and violently angry. She needs to cool her book down into the normal range of emotions where normal human beings reside on a regular basis. These flashes of extreme emotions are jarring and they made her characters appear inhuman (or more inhuman than I think she'd want them to appear).
The supposed true love relationship budding between Brian and Abby is at best, rushed. At worse, a fictitious lie brought about by Abby's own seductive powers. Brian is bewitched by Abby from the first moment he spies her crawling up from the beach. But there is never a moment that Abby falls in love with him back. They never get to know each other... there's just always a threat of danger to keep them on the run. I'm not even sure when it was decided that Abby loved Brian back. They just started calling Brian her beloved and suddenly Abby couldn't live without him. I thought that she might... enjoy Brian's company. But she's only know him for a few days. Isn't calling him, him, the guy who's been unjustly accusing her of murdering young girls, her beloved just a bit of a stretch?
This book needs a coherent outline so that Barnett can organize her thoughts and keep her villains from monologuing the plot. This could also help her keep the various emotional states separated. She's trying to jam too much emotion and information into too short a space of time. Some of the explanation (and emotion) we could have done without.
The book also lacks a serious proof reading. Lines were repeated constantly. Sometimes on the same page... which made the characters appear a little slow. I swear Abby was told at least four times that she was the last Siren, but it wasn't until the fourth time that the statement really sunk in. Also in the first scene, I believe there was a mention of a boat that the girl was being dumped from. But later we discover it was a snake that was killing them... what was the boat for? Other than making it easier for the villain to get caught.
That was another thing, the villains. The villains were incredibly dumb. They'd make things needlessly complicated for themselves when a simpler route was always available to them. I think this also ties back into the need of a more coherent outline.
Really, I think this book is still in its first draft stage. It needs a few more rewrites and maybe then it'd be ready for general purchase. As it is right now, I don't think it would do well in the mass market.
Highlights from my Status Updates:
(view spoiler)[
If he weren't so nerdy, Abby mused, he might actually be kind of cute.
I'm trying really hard to like this protagonist. But it's lines like this that make it so difficult.
Well... there goes Abby's friend that we knew nothing about. Except that she used to be friends with Abby... Yeah. So much for that.
"By hurting all those people?" said Brian. "Because that's what you did."
"You don't know that they're hurt."
"Yeah, I think I do."
No you f-ing don't, you ass hat! You have no idea what happened at the airport. You don't even know what she means by "freezing" them. For all you know, nothing happened at all! Geez, I like Abby as far as I can throw her, but still! You need to back off, buddy!
...and for one powerful second he wanted to pull her to him, to taste her saltiness with his mouth.
Ew. What the f--k! When did I end up reading Fifty Shades again?!
Okay. Creepy fantasies about murdering your step father via strangulation isn't really healthy.
Oh god, thought Brian. He's having a seizure. What am I supposed to do? "Dad!" He said, praying the guards weren't watching.
Apparently his father having an epileptic fit embarrasses Brian. No, wouldn't want the guards to see it... you know. In case they might try to help save his life or something.
But no one was stopping. The traffic flew by. There were no good Samaritians out today.
In Barnett's book there are no good samaritians out... ever.
"You killed me," he whispered.
You think everyone's killed you, Brian.
"I thought you said there was nothing you could do!"
"Well there is," said Eleanor, staring out at the mist. "There is one way, though it will be hard."
Backtracker, thy name is Eleanor.
So her choices are to let Brian turn into a snake monster or to let him go and never see him again. And she chooses snake monster... true love?
"...Brian, this is bigger than us. I have to do this, and I have to do this now."
If this is bigger than the two of them then Abby should kill Brian to save him from the pain of turning into a monster. That's actually more selfless than keeping him.
"I'm coming," growled the serpent inside Abby's mind. "Don't fight me little brother. I'm coming in."
Wow. I wonder if Barnett ever realized how lewd that sounds?
(hide spoiler)] ...more
