Jill’s Comments (group member since Oct 11, 2012)

Jill’s comments from the First Page of Your Book. group.

Rustin, thanks for the comments.

A Voracious Reader & RPSR wrote: "@Jill ~ More! I need more! I'm hooked! I need to know about this virus and what is this Shapeshifter Task Force? Are they shifters or are they hunting shifters? What? Tell me! :)"

Thanks Voracious Reader! My shifters are gender-Shapeshifters. Each shifter can be male or female or configure their shape into anothers. Shapeshifter Task Force are cops.

For Dangerous Shift I did change my mind several times. Everyone loved my original beginning but because it was romance they assumed the first guy on the page was the hero. Since he was the police captain and not the hero I rewrote the beginning.

Janet, thanks for the comments. Not a zombie book, that is the next one I'm working on. On the next page the poor woman melts into a puddle of goo. Although the virus is vicious this is a romance so I try not to be too gory.

Janet wrote: "Chapter 1 – Brain Attack

No one can confidently say that he will still be living tomorrow. ~Euripides


A flaming sword slashed into my left temple. I thought, Wow! Where did that come from? If th..."

That first paragraph is confusing, Janet. There is blackness - no thought, no feelings, nothing. Then you procede to tell us a bunch of stuff that it appears she is feeling, thinking and knowing.

But after that. Wow!!! What an amazing first page. As a reader I would definitely keep reading.

Dangerous Shift by Jill James

Prologue

Fort San Laura Army Base
San Laura, California
May 2017

Sean Evans turned away as tears rolled down his ex-partner Colin Rodriguez’s face. The man sat by his fiancée’s bedside, her hand clasped in his, waiting for her to die. The sound of boot heels echoed up and down the hospital corridor. All marched past the closed door, none brave enough to stop at this room.

Sean stared at the dying woman. Paulette’s red hair was the only color in the monochrome-toned hospital room. Colin’s hand shook as he brushed the hair back from Paulette’s sweaty face. The virus wreaked havoc on the young woman.

Sean swallowed bile rising in his throat as the young Shapeshifter in the bed screamed. Her flesh boiled, roiling beneath the surface, and she screamed again. Her back arched off the bed. For months now, the Shapeshifter Task Force had been working to track down the cause of the virus and it struck close to home, killing two of their own. First, his own partner, Barry, and now, Paulette.

Her fingers turned into talons that dug into Colin’s hand. Blood dripped from the cuts onto the crisp, white sheet. Colin held her hand; the only sign of his pain was the grimace on his tanned face.

Sean rubbed his burning eyes, surprised to find tears on his own cheeks. He scrubbed the wetness away and raked his fingers through his hair. His tears wouldn’t help Paulette or Colin. Nothing could help them now.

His hands clenched into fists at his side. He ached to punch a wall, anything to kill the tension in the room.
A scream built in his throat. Just last week he had sat here, forced to watch the young man, new to the task force, breathe his last. He stared into the ceiling lights, his eyes watered with the brightness.

He repeated his personal mantra of calm and cool until his emotions mellowed, until they no longer threatened to overwhelm him.