Danny’s Comments (group member since Sep 22, 2012)

Danny’s comments from the Writer Group group.

I guess I added a new one with hormonius. At least now we have the perfect adjective to describe Divergent.

I never read anything about first person. As for the two point of views, they are coming; I just figured the centaur would have point of view for the prologue.

By the way, nice touch with the conflicted emotions and such.

I think maybe this prologue should take place a few days after chapter one so that we have time to develop our protagonist.

PROLOGUE


Severus pulled his dark hood close against the chilling twilight air as he stared at the quaint village sprawled below him. The centaur's eyes swept the seaside town, slowly taking in the white-washed houses, the marketplace, the modest temple to Poseidon. Then somewhat absently, his gaze drifted out to sea, to the gently braking waves, the placidly circling gulls, the lantern-lit fishing boats strreaming in to shore. At last though he focused on a large smithy with a plume of dying smoke emenating from its chimney and he smiled.

This is where we discuss everything going on in our book.

I'm about to start the very beginning of our novel!

Punch in here to tell people that you are about to write so that we can avoid confusion.

Ok, here's where we write the book. I'm just gonna lay down a couple basic rules, and then we can just go totally freestyle.

No swearing.

No sex scenes.

No posts unrelated to the story not even in parenthesees.
When you get on to write first go to the punch in thread and make a post saying you are about to start writing. Also, before you start to write go to the punch in thread and see if anybody else has already commented there. This way we won't have multiple people writing the same scene all at once.

Your contribution to the story can be no longer than 300 words at a time. Don't feel that you have to finish your thought; leave that to the next person.

After you have written your 300 words, you must wait until at least two other people have written before writing again yourself.

Try to use some sort of spelling and grammar.

Well, I figured that one person would write lets say 300 words; then someone else would get on and write 300 words and so on. The rule would be that you had to wait for two other people to write before writing yourself. As for who goes first, I figured it could be me because this was my idea :)

I'll leave the names up to everyone else. I don't think we even need an overview of the scenes. I think we'll work together fine without one. Oh and by the way, Prometheus wasn't supposed to be a hero. He and Zeus were supposed to be gray and tearing the world apart. Just remember what we've discussed so far is more of guidlines than cannon. We'll just build of each other's writing and create as hormonius a story as possible.

Also, Tahlia, the whole point of making an adamant sword is that adamant is mythologically the hardest substance in the universe.

Ok, I think we've done enough plotting. If people want, I think we should start now and let the plot work itself out as we go.

When the daughter is rescued, then the centaur has no more leverage over the blacksmith, who is free to give the adamant sword to the priests.

I meant the Olympian gods such as Zues and Poseidon.

Ok, incorporating Tahliah's ideas and adding some of my own, this is what we'll get. The centaur seduces and kidnaps the blacksmith's daughter in order to stop him from creating Adamant. The blacksmith and his slaves and kin set out to free her. These parts will be told from the pount of view of a new young male slave of his who has a crush on the daughter. Largely due to the heroics of this slave, they will rescue her only to find out that they have enabled the release of the great Prometheus who will plunge humanity into a devestating war against the gods, who use the centaur as their champion.

Not really except the centaur isn't the blacksmith.

Hey, Baylor, since we're including your idea for slaves, do you have any ideas for what to do with it and how to tie it in to the rest of the story.

I'm a fan of flawed characters and gray characters but not so much the antiheroes. Antiheroes are good for some things, but I wouldn't want them to become the norm. Also, I hate how most young adult female protagonists have to be belligerent and mean-spirited. People think having a good character equals having a boring one.

Yeah, they could easily manipulate you; they could use this to gain followeres and such. Hey, I have an idea for the centaur. In our book, centaurs can be a once-great but now despised and trecherous race. They can be almost like gypsies. This centaur could want revenge or something.

I LIKE the idea of the death visions! They could see a little into the future and a little into the past and give other people visions whether true or false. Mastery over fire sounds cool. Not sure about the ability to regenerate body parts.

@ Taliah: you have aome interesting ideas, but they don't really tie in with the whole blacksmith's daughter and Prometheus thing. Also, the slave should probably be male to balance out the genders.

@ Jonathan: Good ideas! The centaur I spoke of could work for the priests, who are dedicated to restoring the old gods (specifically Prometheus). Prometheus is a god of prophecy and forsight so maybe he could gift the priests with this. I don't know. Also, because Prometheus taught the humans all the technology they started with, with more time he could teach them even more advanced weopons, maybe ones using fire.

Lol, I thought I had fixed it.