Mary’s Comments (group member since May 31, 2012)

Mary’s comments from the Bringing Up Bebe Discussion group.

Diana,
I agree. We had a long discussion with my husband - raised in France - tonight.
I find France to be a very sexist, discriminating and hierarchical society. I think the pressure to lose weight, the getting back to business of pleasing the man, the need to be feeling sexy and seductive for new moms, etc all speak to the sexist factor. AS a matter of fact, I think the over emphasis of the French culture on external beauty, especially for women speaks to that.As an American who studied at the Sorbonne, i was shocked by some of the comments my professor would make about women, not only in the US, but in many other places around the world those comments would have had some serious consequences, but in France they were the norm.
And, I find it sad that even though the French can have a lot more than the 3 months to tend to their babies - my cousin got almost 2 years with some partial benefits - most French moms chose to skip breastfeeding, delegating raising their child to the state and get back to pre-bebe life. The way Druckerman outlines parenting a la francaise, makes me wonder why these women have kids anyways? If you want your life to not to change a bit, as much as not to see a toy, what's the point - so I think there're got to be more. Also, I wonder how those French mothers really feel, and what they would have done if the pressure of the society (who up until not too long ago was treating it's kids as second hand citizens)had not been there, would those moms have gone out to the park in sweat pants and hopped on the see-saw with their kids? I say that, because as a mother - here in the US - I don't do that out of guilt, or pressure: I do so because I WANT to, because it's fun, because I enjoy it. Because that is the "plaisire" in my life.
Now, Druckerman also emphasizes that French women do not become "mom"s. They are the woman who happens to have a kid. I see something seriously wrong with that. I see becoming mom as growth, maturity, the next level . Are French women, staying obsessed with their "maquiage" and "kid free MOI time" reaching that level? I feel like there is some joy and pleasure in motherhood, in holding that baby of your, etc. Aren't the French women totally missing out on that if they refuse to become "mom"?

I just finished Chapter 7 of the book and I crave discussion! I am a mother of two in my late 30s, an immigrant American, married to a French. This book hits home and actually clarifies many things I have known and felt about France and the French for a very long time, though I could never really explain!
As someone who has tried to live in France three times (Bretagne, Lyon and Paris) and has hated in three times, I can say that she is very accurate in the way she explains all the details. Yet, my problem is that she is doing so by glorifying the French way through out the book, even though she starts the book by saying she does not want her child to be like the stuck up French! Well, my answer to that is that if you do not like the end result, how could you possibly glorify the method?
I feel like France and the French (whether its the cuisine, scenery, accent, you name it) is over glorified in world.
Though France and the French have many good things, I really don't see them as the most balanced and happiest or even most successful people in the world. As a matter of fact, having traveled a bit around the world and having known many people of different cultures, the French come across as one the most obnoxious, psychologically complex and unhappy people in the modern world. If anyone is up to it, I'd like to get into more a detailed discussion....