Justine’s Comments (group member since Aug 10, 2009)

Justine’s comments from the Ms. J's Class J group.

Dear Little Miss,
Sorry to hear your work disappeared! Let's try to use all of our transitional words, and remember to use the correct gender with your pronouns - when did Fredierkc become a woman ("her")?!?! :)


And Najm, keep it nice! No need to tease here. We have more than enough of that in class...

Glad to hear this is one of your favorite books, Yamila!

- Ms. J

Vania,
This is a good start, but I encourage you to finish the assignment and use all five transitional words. Also, reading your writing before handing it in/posting it will make sure tha tyou don't get points off for mistakes like misspelling "Douglass" and "also." Be careful!

- Ms. Justine

Sidik wrote: "i know you understood the book but when you want to tell it you can do it in present tense or past simple tense.pay attention past participle by adding "ed" and the "s"of the 3rd person in singul..."

Sidik, I love how you are responding to your classmate's work! It is wonderful to read your excellent comments on their mechanics. Just so you know, Iris is in 11th grade - she's still got a lot of time before college, and I know that by this time next year, her writing will be error- free and all her good ideas will be shining through even more!

Great use of "for instance" and "however"! Those two sentences are so clear, and you use the words perfectly. When you want to you empathy as a verb, it is "empathize," just so you know. Keep up the good work - I love seeing how much you wrote here!

Good work, Keita! You did a really nice job using all of the transitional words. Just be careful to reread your sentences - some of them are not complete. For example:

"Truly Frederick Douglass lot of stuff about huimanitythe."

You want to be careful about writing things like this on the Regents, so just be sure to read everything a second time before handing it in!

- Ms. Justine

Fatima,
Thank you for posting this. You do a nice job in the last sentence using "furthermore" and the word "empathy" - good job! There are a few sentences I am confused about:

"therefore Frederick master race other skin color for instance african american."
This sentence is confusing because it is a fragment - it is missing a verb. Do you think you could rewrite it with a verb in there?

Also:

"For instance Frederick was fighting for his freedom."
Remember that "for instance" is another way of saying, "for example," so what are you giving examples of? I think you need a sentence before this, to explain what this is an example of.

Thanks!

- Ms. Justine

Very nice work Jessica! This read like a neat little summary on the back of a book, clear and well-written. Bravo!

Maharouf - bravo! You used all of these transitional words correctly - I'm SO impressed! Yay!

Now, there is one thing that made your writing hard for me to read, which is too bad because you used great evidence from the story (going to New York, missing his fellow slaves...) and your vocabulary use was also wonderful. However, you NEED TO CHECK FOR RUN-ON SENTENCES. Here are a couple of examples:

"However were courage and still want to learn how to read and write furthermore they still want to have their humanity back for instance they fought back and trying to escape from their masters."

"herefore frederick escape and went to new york nevertheless he was isolate he miss his fellows slavers , simillary as his other fellow miss him to above all the slavers have confident on each other clearly they care about each other ,and they won't had any discussion with out one fellow missing ."

In each of these sentences you have more than one idea, more than one subject, etc. Just put a period whenever you change from one idea to the next, and your writing will be much clearer.

looking forward to reading your posts today!

- Ms. Justine

Jossy, nice work! You did a really, really good job with this transitional words - and this from the lady who said she didn't get anything! YOu obviously do :)

One thing I recommend for your next post is to check your spelling thoroughly before you hand in your work. The ideas are there, the sentence structure is very clear, you use vocabulary excellently, but the spelling can bring your writing down, and it's not worth it!

other than that, keep up the fabulous work!

You did a great job using the transitional words! And, I can see that you really understood the text The Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass.

Now, let's start cleaning up some of the mechanics mistakes that will help you to get an even higher score on the Regents!

FIRST THING: WATCH OUT FOR SINGULAR AND PLURAL!

There are a few places where you made some mistakes with this:

"however there was some slave that had luck that were treat better than others just because they were strong and had more skill."

Should be...

"however there WERE some SLAVES that had luck that were treatED better than others just because they were strong and had more skillS."

Just those little changes make your writing seem much cleaner, crisper, and more academic.

Another one:

"furthermore some of the slave had goal to one day be free to live a god life as human."

Should be...
"furthermore some of the SLAVES had GOALS to one day be free to live a god life as human."

Make sure to check all of these today during your new posts... and please capitalize the first word of your sentences!

Ms. Marjorie and I were just talking about how great your ideas are - keep up the good work, Amauris!

- Ms. J

YOu did a FABULOUS job with these transitional words - I'm really impressed, and they make your writing sound so academic and sophisticated! Hurrah!

Some things you want to watch for in your next writing task - missing & misspelled words. There are a few places where I see words or letters/endings missing, and I think if you reread what you wrote, you might notice them, too. For instance:

" Generally Douglass' story exposed TO the world how his humanity was disempowerED as a slave..."

"Therefore, he was VOICELESS, HE did not have any right TO speech or even THE right to choose."

" Ultimately Douglass as a young boy started TO hang out secretly to learn..."

just reading your writing once more before posting/handing it in will make sure it is even more polished and ready to be read!

Nice job, especially on sentences #2, #3, and #5 - you used the words perfectly there! Keep up the good work, Edwin.

Nice use of the transitional words, Najem! I especially like the metaphor of the weapon of writing and reading. As you know, you need to check specifically your punctuation and your vowels. On the Regents, we don't want those little things to get in the way of your great ideas and your understanding of the texts you read, so please make sure you read your essay a second time before posting/handing it in!

Nice use of vocabulary, and great use of transitional words! One thing you want to be careful about in your next writing is this: when you are using a passive verb or an adjective, remember to have the -ed ending. For example:

" However some slaves were treateED better than others"
" he was being dehumanizED by his master."

Also check your spelling - you have fabulous ideas, and we don't want those little mechanical errors to get in the way of showcasing all that you know!

Great use of transitional words... but where is the discussion of Frederick Douglass?? :(

Great use of transitional words, and a quick explication of the text! I'm curious about "however, not all the slaves were horribly treated, it depended on the skills the slaves had"; I'm trying to remember when this happened. Can you think of an example?

Laddys,

Great use of evidence to substantiate your ideas! I love the description of the mother - we would call her "neurotic," very anxious and obsessed with the tiniest little detail being perfect.

So, tell me more about this author who puts things in a writer's notebook - how does he choose what shoudl go in there? What kinds of things would you put in a writer's notebook, if you had one?

Let me know!

- Ms. J

Leo - whew, I have a number of questions for you!

1. What is the insolence Dante is describing here? How does it manifest? And who is committing the insolence?

2. Can you explain more what you mean about Dante's philosophy being based on the sins of people, and the punishments and fit their sins? Did he feel that this was justice, to punish people according to their wrongdoings? What kinds of sins, and punishments, does he dole out?

3. How do you USE insolence? I'm confused by this phrase - can you explain it to me?

Thanks!

- Ms. J

Hi Edwin! So, what has happened so far in Twilight? I just read it for the first time last spring... wondering what part of the plot you're up to!

Let me know!

- Ms. Justine

Hey Shanjerryz! Sounds like a very helpful book - have you been able to apply any of its lessons to your own life so far? Which has been the most interesting, or useful, list?

I love to make to do lists, and it always helps me to write down a list of things that are bothering me when I'm feeling upset. What about you? Are you a list-writer?

Let me know!

- Ms. Justine