Kevis’s Comments (group member since Jul 22, 2009)

Kevis’s comments from the I'm Trying to Get a Book Published! group.

Kirilee,

With the answer you have just given, you have proven me correct. At the end of your final sample chapter, Kirilee gets word that her parents are alive. It is only at this point in the story that it is finally mentioned that she wants to save her parents. This point is never brought up in the previous chapters. I was suspect that your book isn't about Kirilee's quest for her parents. Which is why I asked you what it was about. Now you have revealed to me that your book is not about her quest to save her parents.

So the question remains: What is it about? Unfortunately, after having read all of your sample chapters, if someone asks me what is Kirilee's story about, all I can do is to throw my hands up in the air because I don't know. Worse, you have just said that you can't tell me. I don't mind you keeping a critical story plot secret. But doesn't this defeat your argument about saying that my critique of your story was wrong?

Kirilee,

Since I haven't had a chance to read your entire story, I need to ask you something imnportant. Is your entire book about Kirilee's quest to save her parents? Does your book end with Kirilee finding or/not finding her parents? If so, then I will reluctantly admit that you can get away with what you did so long as you go back and lay down the bricks better in the first few chapters that this is what your book is about.

On the other hand, if your book is not about Kirilee's quest to save her parents, then you really have a serious problem with your story.

Kirilee,

The problem with your story is that, in my opinion, it is not obvious until the very end of your last chapter that Kirilee wants to save her parents. What helps to create this confusion is that you have way too many characters being introduced too quickly which distracts the reader from the plot. Instead of me trying to figure out what your story is about, I'm trying to understand why Registrar Jude, Scrappy, Autumn, and the assassins keep disappearing only a couple of paragraphs after they show up. After that there are more mysterious characters showing up. Then there is a new Autumn who replaces the old one immediately after we meet her.

A reader has no time to even breathe let alone keep up with the influx of characters, none of whom stay around long enough to remember their names. All of this within 5 very briefly written chapters is completely overwhelming and hurts your story. Instead of having your readers focus on figuring out who's who and why they keep disappearing every other paragraph, why not spend that time explaining to us what your story is about? Why not reveal to us in a more direct fashion that Kirilee is consumed with either the whereabouts or how much she misses them? And no, none of this is obvious.

Brigid,

It's a good chapter. Well done. I'll try to finish reading the rest of your story later on tonight. Then I can let you know my thoughts on your sample chapters.

The key to becoming a great writer is the willingness to learn. You're already on your way! ;)

Welcome Maryam,

I've read all of your writing and left comments for you. Hope you find them useful. :)

Brigid,

I remember Kara commenting on your book that she felt that your opening chapter should probably come later in the story because there wasn't enough information provided in the first chapter about how your characters ended up in the situation they were in.

I disagree. One of the reasons why chapter one of Reborn is so successful is because you used a very popular and effective technique called "media res". It's a Greek word that means "in the middle".

Starting your story "the the middle" of the action creates intensity and (lo and behold) suspense, because readers want to know what created the current situation. Remember the opening shot in the first Star Wars movie where Princess Leia's ship is fleeing from Vader? This is an excellent example of media res. Movie audiences are held spellbound when they see the large, menacing Imperial Star Destroyer bearing down on Leia's smaller cruiser. Immediately, audiences are hooked as they begin to wonder what happened to create this situation and more importantly what's going to happen next.

Media res is a writing technique that I regularly employ in my books such as The Legend of Witch Bane. But even if you decide to start your story in the middle of the action you still have to be careful not to forget to tell your readers what your story is about.

Davis,

Although you come off pretty strong, I actually agree with you on many points. In fact, I removed your name from my post because I realize it was insensitive of me to use your name in a way that might be misconstrued as negative, when the point I was trying to make is that you have been stating some very valid points regarding the use of proper english, especially in writing. I humbly apologize for my error.

I have to say that there are some truly gifted writers in this group. Just want to say one thing before I turn in. If I take the time critique your work, it's probably because I think you are extremely talented. I respect any writer who takes pride in their work. But if you cannot take the time to clean up your story before posting it online to be read, I'm not going to waste my time reading your work. I've come across a couple of stories that are riddled with poor spelling, typos, repeated words, no spacing, etc. and it gave me a headache. Sorry, I am not going to waste my time reading this kind of work. Mistakes do happen and it's perfectly okay to have some flaws in your unpublished writing. But if you don't care about your work enough to clean it up so others can read it without getting double vision, why should anyone care to read your story?

With that said, I've read the work of Kirilee, Brigid, Aly, and Rita. You are all wonderfully talented writers. Again, if I take the time to critique your work, it's because I can see you all becoming great writers. In fact, some of you are already better writers than I am. With just a little time and discipline, the world's gonna have heck trying to stop you! I look forward to reading some more writing from of other members of this group tomorrow. Cheers!

I don't mean to beat this topic to death, but most of the writers in this group are very young. Many of the things that I mention you will figure out on your own through experience. But it will take you a lot longer to reach your goals in the process.

I've noticed one major problem with inexperienced fiction writers (and some of the experienced ones as well). For some reason they think that they have to play footsie with their readers to build suspense. Having suspense in your story is fine and all, but there is a right and wrong way to go about. Not allowing your reader to know what your story is about after a few chapters is not suspense. It's suicide!

The reason why I brought up The Lord of the Rings is because it is structurally sound. Chapter one introduces us to the main character, chapter two tells us what the story is about, chapter three sends the main character off on his quest. This is called plot structure. It's okay to break the rules sometimes. But you had better have a good and compelling reason for doing it.

A great test to know if your book is working for readers or not is to see if they can tell you what will happen next. Most of the best books give the reader a chance to participate in the storytelling. This does not mean your story has to be predictable. But there is a good chance that your story is headed for trouble if after 4 or 5 chapters a reader doesn't know where the story is going. This is the crux of my criticism of Kirilee's story. I liked the main character and the subject matter. In fact, I loved the first chapter. But when I finished reading all of the sample chapters there was not enough information divulged to tell me what the story was about. Young writers often make this mistake. But the problem is easily solved by going back and seeing if you have put enough information in the early chapters of your book to tell a reader what it is about. If I have to wait until chapter 10 to finally know what your story is about, you probably have already lost me as a reader. Word to the wise, get your story going as early as possible and let the suspense take care of itself.

Just so that we understand the nature of showcasing our art to the public, here is a list of a few bestselling books with plenty of negative reviews. (Reviews taken from Amazon)

The Da Vinci Code 716 1 star reviews

Twilight Book I-438 1 star reviews

Eragon-Inheritance 429 1 star reviews

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows 76 1 star reviews

The Amber Spyglass 81 1 star reviews

Are these books really that bad? It all depends on which reader you ask. All of the books on this list are popular and sell by the bucket loads. And yet, there are plenty of people who don't like them. I posted this list to show you that sometimes even though one reader may take issue with your writing another will champion it. The goal is to create the best piece of writing that you are humanly possible of creating. But to do that you have to be willing to accept that it may not be perfect the first time around.

Kirilee,

Your writing does not suck. Nor was it my intent to make you feel bad about your abilities as a writer. Let me be upfront with you all. I am almost twice as old as most of the writers in this group and have been writing stories since I was in elementary school. It took me many years to gain my current level of skill. I am not the greatest writer in the world, but I am not a novice. Every time I sit down to write I strive to achieve perfection. Is perfection attainable? No. But that doesn't stop me from trying.

No writer should ever be entirely content with their work, no matter how good he/she thinks it is. Any wordsmith, and we are all wordsmiths, has to understand that to get better, we have to examine our works closely. Even if we don't see the flaws, other people will.

With that said, Kirilee, your writing skills are far superior to mine when I was your age. If it means anything, I have some harsh critics of my work too. However, I always listen to my dissenters to see if they have a valid point of criticism. In fact, they almost always do. But criticism should be constructive. Last week one of the people who bought one of my books was so angry at the way I wrote it, he told me he nearly broke his Kindle after slamming it on the table.

Was there something wrong with my book? Maybe. Maybe not. But I would never have known what that problem was had I not taken the time to find out what bothered my reader. Criticism comes with the territory. You can either try to learn from it or you run the risk of never achieving your full potential as a writer.

Just remember one thing. No story is meant for all readers. But the mechanics of writing is what matters most, especially at this tender point in your writing development.

My suggestion to you is to think about what I said and see if there wasn't a valid reason for me saying what I did.

Brigid,

I read the first chapter of Reborn and posted my comments. I'm going to have to read the remaining chapters before I give you my verdict. But so far so good!

Brilliant article. Thanks for sharing it with us, Angee. It's nice to see that there really are some universal truths regarding the craft of writing. The most important point that I adhere to in my own writing is to make certain that you know the ending of your story before you start to write it. The risk/reward of writing a story blindly without knowing what is going to come at the end is the reason most novels never get finished. The example I like to use is that if you know how to go to the grocery store, choosing the road to get there is much easier. I cannot stress how important this one point is to not only completing a novel, but also avoiding writer's block.

I would like to share with you guys this article by best-selling author Stephen Coonts. He gives some valuable insight on the craft and business of writing. Everyone should check it out.

http://www.coonts.com/tips_for_writer...

Many of the best writers that ever lived such as Shakespeare began their writing careers by writing poetry. You should always do what comes naturally for you. Whenever you're ready to hunker down and write a novel, you'll know when its time. You've already shown that you can use language well. IMHO, that's the most important part of being a good writer. That puts you one step ahead of the game. ;)

Aly,

No problem. I really enjoyed reading your work. You are immensely talented. Trust me, I wouldn't say that if it weren't true.

♥ Brigid ♥ wrote: "Thanks for creating this thread, Kevis! I'm always looking for good books to read on writing. :) I've read parts of On Writing, How to Write Science Fiction & Fantasy, and The Elements of Style. I'..."

Brigid,

Looks like you are way ahead of the game. I didn't read any of those books until I was much older than you. I am impressed!

The thing to remember is that you should take all advice with a grain of salt, even criticism of your book. If you get advice that you don't agree with, you can always ignore it. But it's always great to know what works for other people. You can take the parts you like, adapt it to your own needs, and throw away the rest. Just be careful of which parts you choose to keep and which ones you throw away. ;)

I agree, Victoria. Zen and the Art of Writing is a great recommendation. I haven't heard of Bird by Bird. I'll have to check that one out.