Rachel’s Comments (group member since Jun 08, 2015)

Rachel’s comments from the The Ghost of My Father - Fatherless Day Community Forums group.

I will see my Dad in a couple of weeks, and I really think what you say is true--as a child, my primal need/expectation that he have the ability and personality to be everything I needed just has to be replaced with something more realistic now that I'm an adult---I have to see him for who he is rather than who I wish he were, what he is capable of really, not what I wish him to be capable of. It occurs to me right this minute that in a way he is still teaching me, because accepting others for the people they are rather than who I wish they were is still something I'm working on.

What a rare opportunity--gratitude for this forum since talking honestly about fathers doesn't happen much. . . .My Dad is a puzzle to me; he did what Dad's are supposed to do--he was at home after work, taught me how to drive, enforced curfew, Dad stuff. What I've never understood is a kind of distance, a lack of emotional connection. I would ask, "do you love me," and he'd say, " yes I love you, you're my daughter, that's my job." What I missed was a feeling connection which I've thought is just me being ridiculous, like I'm just being silly. All my life, this has left me feeling crazy somehow, like what I experience from him is not really true. . .