Shel’s Comments (group member since Mar 05, 2009)

Shel’s comments from the fiction files redux group.

Martyn wrote: "All I want to know is: did Shel get stoned out of her mind like last year? One thing I will admirably say is: that woman can hold her own."

I am SO not answering that one.

Last post, I promise: can anyone explain to me the orb thing from last year?

Oh, and Alan said this:

What a beautiful group of people. Thank you all for the welcome atmosphere of instant friendship and camaraderie. I’m not sure I’ve ever had so much fun in my life. I can’t wait to contribute more to the group and learn more about each and every one of you. Thank you all! Hugh, that was amazing. You captured the chaos. I’m in the midst of posting pictures as I’m sure most everyone is....Yikes.

JE wrote this - and personally, I'm not opposed to the Thanksgiving idea:

. . . great reports abound!!! . . . can i just say what a pleasure it was to hang out, hug, laugh, and party with each and every one of you, and how incredibly smooth every facet of this (dare i say, festival) went due to the fact that every person involved worked as a team, anticipated the party’s needs at every juncture, and even drank shots when forced to! . . . to sit around one big dinner table together was the best! i wish we could all have thanksgiving together! . . .last night i didn’t drink beer for the first time in over a month, thank god . . . i even slept for seven hours . . .anyway, again, what a pleasure to reacquaint myself with those i’ve already met, and to meet those i’ve long anticipated meeting--expectations were exceeded on every single count . . . btw, i’m sending l.d. her scholarship and the other surprise on monday . . .

And I wrote this, which is still quite relevant, really:

What a whirlwind of a couple of days, for me. I made it home at the appointed time and need to get my photos posted. And incidentally, it only takes two hours to get from Port Townsend to the airport. If you start out at 4 am.

Thank you to our fearless, giraffe loving commando skipper for getting us all together.

And thank everyone for making the effort. It was certainly worth it to me, to meet everyone face to face.

(yada yada yada some crap about PINE... SNIP!)

What we have going on at dorkapalooza is hands down the best gathering I can remember, for any online community of which I am or have been a part. And one of the best multi-day parties I can remember from any time in my life.

Thanks again , JE, for all you do to make Fiction Files special. And thanks to the members, without whom, well... anyway. Now I’m getting all misty eyed.

Hugh wrote this:

Interim Report from the Dork

Okay. It was too convenient: telling everyone I had a “previous engagement” was simply a way to flee the Dork 2008 in Fort Townsend, Washington. In truth, I couldn’t hack it and was on the road just hours after Shel. ( See above – though unlike Shel, I was broken and humbled by the event; she and the others proved far more formidable. (Dorkapalooza: it won’t quite kill you OR make you stronger.))

Mock me, if you will, but if you do, you weren’t there. Somewhere close to midnight when Drunk Bingo reached its nadir – when we heard the ominous words: Blackout Bingo! (for those of you unfamiliar with Bingo Lingo, that’s when you cover the ENTIRE card not when the alcohol finally hits!) a collective groan went up. Could we push on any further? We were working three cards, for Christ’s sake! But compete we did, for at stake was the grandest of prizes: the General Hospital board game! (This following a very emotional round in which Jonathan – thanks to Lara’s grand generosity – secured the stuffed pig for his wife in a kind of sacred ritual that moved us all on some collective unconscious level (though a bloodless rite, the fluffy pig in question was clutching a small heart, making it an even more tearful moment for those assembled around the table; it was JE saying, to his beloved, in essence: Woman, queen of my heart, I bring you, the kingdom’s stuffed pig.)

And that was at midnight, my friends. On the first official day. (Oh yes, the celebration had been in full swing for several days before. Who were these people, I wondered in amazement, who could push themselves to such extremes?) I won’t speak about the events between 1 and 4 in the morning (and I trust those present won’t either (yes, I’m looking at you and your Kermit-green camera Kerry), unless plied by significant sums of money.) Caligula would have left before me.

What I can say definitively is that at 8 in the morning when I crawled to my rented auto I no longer feared the haunted orbs of Port Townsend. I feared for them. If they existed they had been driven from the home…. In their place was the spirit of the Fiction Files. They’ll need a friggin’ exorcist to chase out the remnants of this fair group from the beams, banisters and framed photos of that place.

Strange how I thought people I would meet there might somehow conform to the postage-sized stamp photos you see or to the sounds their posts make on things literary here, but then I had only met one FFiler before, so imagine my amazement:

Who would have thought JE would turn out to be a hulking six-foot-five behemoth with hands the size of smoked hams? When he patted my back, he dislodged fillings. Somewhere after midnight when the first of four kegs had been depleted, some of us feared his mood might turn dark but those who know him, assured me that inside beat the heart of a Sasquatch. (Few things are more frightening than hearing him howl out Bingo numbers.)

Who would have thought Ethan and Dan could perform handstands, high dive acrobatics and acts of athletic prowess that would have left Olympic gymnasts shaking their heads?

Who would have thought so much alcohol could be consumed in so brief a time? (J.R.S., your kind care package served as fuel to keep the torches of human talent ablaze and the assembled gave a hearty toast to your generosity that could be heard all the way back at Puget Sound.)

I can’t mention every incredible performance: Shelby: competing fiercely, mercilessly for the first Gold of the evening: a Yanni CD and matching coaster; Ben: naked atop the dining room table, reciting the Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock (I think it was Ben, I had to look away); Danielle delivering flawless impersonations of major living philosophers (though unlike Dan, fully clothed) using excerpts from the philosophers’ original texts; Neil – cigar in one hand, flask in the other – acting out scenes from obscure Norwegian films (in Norwegian! with beautiful Lauren providing the translation), and finally, a moving duet by the British singing duo Lara and Martyn that kept everyone humming until dawn finally had the courage to tap with rosy-colored fingers at the window. (You know the scene from Sidney Poitier’s To Sir with Love? when Lulu sings the films title song? Lara’s better. And Martyn? “Heartthrob” is an understatement – undergarments were strewn about the room by the time he was done. He is to the 21st century what Tom Jones was to the 20th.)

And Chef Modusa? Talk about miracles, talk about feeding the multitudes! Throughout the night, FFilers found various excuses to slip back onto the kitchen and dig deep into the aluminum pans for what seemed like a never-ending bounty of food.

If I’ve not mentioned someone, I do so only out of good taste and propriety – believe me, there were moments seared into the meat of my memory that I will never forget and folks there I’d never even HEARD of before, talented relations of Jonathan’s who played guitar, zither and accordion… and a documentary filmmaker (WTF?!) Justin who turned out to be a surreal cross between Ed McMahon, Ethel Merman and Hunter Thompson.

I’ll close with a scene glimpsed through the window of the dining room somewhere after 2 AM (I think it was): Patty – she, of the luxuriant locks -- gathering empties and wadded bits of paper from the table, clearing the detritus of a bingo game suffused with so much naked human aggression that it could have – at any moment – turned ugly. But there in a moment out of classic Greek myth – Athena preparing the fractured world for what would come the next day.

I can’t wait to hear what happened next.

I went back over to "that other site" today and found this, posted by Kerry after the event:

Things I learned at Dorkapalooza 2008:

- The awkwardness you expect to feel upon meeting many someones that you have only "spoken" with online disappears almost immediately and you fall into a perfect ease.
- In the Pacific Northwest you can drink water right out of the tap and it tastes good!
- Dan can perfectly place a sarcastic zinger into every conversation and I LOVE THAT.
- Wild blackberries picked right off the bush are more delicious than store bought blackberries.
- Martyn gives great big hugs when drunk.
- Even the Cliff’s Notes won’t get some of us through Absalom! Absalom!
- How to pour beer from a keg into a red plastic cup without all the foam (thanks Dan & Alan!).
- Jonathan Evison never stops moving, can sing along beautifully with Johnny Cash, and if his literary career fails he could make one hell of a living at Bingo Calling. But only if his employers let him drink on the job.
- The interior of the Dorkapalooza RV is just as 70s-tastic as the exterior.
- Lara is a neat freak and has this adorable way of saying "Yeah?" after almost everything.
- A keg of beer will not last as long as you think it will last.
- Danny’s uncle Johnny loves him to bits for good reason. He’s an amazing young man.
- Ben cannot be talked into anything despite JE’s claims to the contrary.
- Alan looks like a strange version of Pippi Longstocking while running after a soccer ball wearing the warmest hat ever made.
- Sparky, Dave, and Snapper are the best dogs in the world.
- Patty is an angel and giggles like a little girl.
- If you buy $60 worth of books from William James Bookseller in Port Townsend, but only have a small carry on bag for traveling, you will have to go to the post office and mail them home to yourself.
- If things go bump in the night, it’s probably just Alan trying to "create an experience" for you.
- Neil knows EVERYTHING and is wonderfully generous.
- Evan is a dish washing machine and also an excellent leaper.
- Hugh is a wine connoisseur and has nice legs.
- Patrick is absolutely lovable and I want to squeeze him.
- Two Laurens are better than one.
- In my old age, I cannot drink myself senseless three nights in a row. I can try but I will fail.
- Justin can make a video camera feel nonintrusive and has awesome soccer moves.
- At the end of the night, water is your best friend.
- Every member of the Fiction Files truly is as wonderful as you knew them to be.
- Shel can drink herself into a stupor, sleep for only three hours and wake up delightful and able to drive herself through a strange land to the airport in the dark.
- Random acts of fellatio can be found on the streets of downtown Port Townsend (this should be added to their tourist information).
- Mo makes a mean lasagna that carnivores, herbivores, and omnivores enjoy and laughs louder than anyone I’ve ever met.
- Danielle can quote Mystery Science Theater 3000 and once sat on John Waters’ lap.
- Giraffe night shirts really are One Size Fits Most.
- Lauren Evison can go running for two hours in the rain and still look fabulous.
- Evan has a fear of stinging insects and isn’t afraid to say it.
- Elliot Bay Book Company in downtown Seattle has the most amazing bargain books section EVER.
- It really is a love in, baby!

Ok, I have to stop. I could go on forever like this. This event was absolutely tremendous. Wonderful people, wonderful setting, wonderful conversation, wonderful good fun. It was an honor to be involved.

This essay is in the Fiction 2009 issue of The Atlantic:

http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200908...

A lot of good points on telling a good story... including, but not limited to:

When I speak about a well-imagined story, I mean a good many things, but let me begin by listing a few things a well-imagined story is not. A well-imagined story is not generic. It has not been lifted off the shelf at your local literary Wal-Mart. A well-imagined story is not predictable, or at least not wholly predictable. A well-imagined story is not melodramatic; it does not rely on purely villainous villains and purely heroic heroes; it does not use formulas in place of inventiveness; it does not substitute cliché for fresh vision. A well-imagined story does not rely on coincidence or happenstance for its dramatic effects—a character named Lance, let’s say, just happens to be walking by at the very instant another character named Brandy, the unrequited love of Lance’s life, emerges from the doctor’s office with her spanking-new diaphragm. A well-imagined story does not rev up bland, everyday events with lurid, purply, overwrought language that seeks to elevate such events beyond their due. For example, a well-imagined story would not, in my view, include a sentence such as this one: “With an explosive, rocket-like thrust of his legs, Lance jumped for joy at the heartwarming vision of Brandy’s snow-white diaphragm.”

...

To vividly imagine and to vividly render extraordinary human events, or sequences of events, is the hard-lifting, heavy-duty, day-by-day, unending labor of a fiction writer. It is also the labor we so rarely talk about, perhaps because we can think of so little to say beyond the exhortation: Do it! Be brave! Envision fictional events that aren’t borrowed from last night’s rerun of Starsky & Hutch, that aren’t copped from that best seller you read last week or that classic you almost finished back in college. "

Or were you icing the cake? Or ricing the cake?

I don't think I've ever seen anyone so diligently keep anything that cold in that kind of heat in my life!

Well done, though, I have to say. The beer was always chilled and ready to drink, even when it was 90-frickin-painful degrees out there.

Hey everyone! I just had a drink with Kerry last night and it's her BIRTHDAY today!!!

Happy, happy, my glowing, lovely, redheaded friend.

Anyone coming who hasn't already arrived or packed...

The weather here is hot. It's in the 90s in the city and *no one* has a/c! How insane. (Well, not no one, but you know what I mean.)

This week at Fort Flaggler (sp) it is supposed to be in the mid-80s for the high and mid-60s at night. No rain predicted, which I find odd.

Must be global warming.

How about House of Mirth by Edith Wharton?

Brian, don't worry, I'll help. Hugh and I read Light in August earlier this year and I am now formally indoctrinated.

Ah, book exchange. Hm. I forget what the guidelines were last year. Do we just bring a couple of books we really like? Is it ok if the books have been written in and dog-eared? Any book I really like is full of notes and dog ears.

As to the meals, I will be happy to help with any meal or cleanup, but I am trying to dial down my inner Martha/Mom impulses. I am a dictator, and not the benevolent kind, in the kitchen...

I just got a letter encouraging me to stay at The Grand Hotel on Mackinac Island, incidentally -- package deals! Those of you who have read Prescription for Love will remember that this is the hotel where what's her face and what's his face go at it on the private beach. I shouldn't be disparaging - I bet it's gorgeous up there this time of year...

Sure. Let me make sure my budget can handle it, and I'll confirm. Otherwise we can strap people to the top of your rental car to get to JE's. It's a short ride. :-)

Those rental car bastards, preying on weary travelers.

The thing is, you can always return the car to a different location and still only pay a small fee for doing that.

One more question and then I swear I'll stop. I was pondering bringing my tent. JE, is this advisable? If I bring it can I have some help pitching it? I've only pitched this tent one time, with my kids, earlier this summer because it's new.

I'm only asking because it will add quite a bit of weight to my bag if I bring it.

I have just discovered that if you rent a car at SEA-TAC you pay over twice as much. For anyone who is looking for a deal, airport shuttles into the city could potentially take you to another rental car office to rent a reserved car.

I plan on getting mine from my hotel and having them find a deal for me. I do love a good concierge...

If it doesn't kill my checking account I will rent a car.

I think we'll have enough cars to take care of everyone...

House of Mirth is my favorite Wharton. I'd read it in a heartbeat for a group read.

Martyn wrote: I was really comfortable with all of the colloquialisms...I guess being English, my ear is just naturally tuned to it, being of Irish ancestry and familiar with Irish history too...that's what I wanted to say, Dan...do a bit of research on Irish history...Parnell in particular...Ulysses was written during a revival of nationalism in the Irish arts that kind of mind-set...Joyce didn't really like...the Cyclops chapter discusses all of this...the myth of Cuchulainn and that sort of thing.

I thought that Joyce was of the school that wanted to create a particularly Irish literature, a literature independent of England, which of necessity means using Irish colloquialisms, for a start - but you're saying that's not correct, Martyn? I can't remember, really.

From a bird's eye perspective it could be asserted that it's a post-colonial urge among artists the world over, throughout time. To go back to the foundations of a culture, or to move beyond the influences of the colonist's oeuvre. But maybe the use of Homer is a distinct departure from going back to ancient Irish culture?

I'm sorry to hear all of that, Lauren, and Neil I hope your car stuff works out.

Hey, JE, if you get a chance can you post some info about what we might need to bring, for the less experienced half-campers among us...?

I have a sleeping bag rated for 40 degree nights, and one of those grey pads so that old people like me can get out of the sleeping bag in the morning without moaning... obviously towel/pillow is easy... anything else outside of the ordinary?

Also, it looks like there is a lot to do there, including boating... fishing... here is the list... I am looking forward to the golf, gift shop, wood, and the propane! Are there licenses, etc. that people would need to have/bring?

• Boat rental
• Camping
• Fishing/hunting
• Gasoline
• Gifts
• Golf
• Groceries
• Marine supplies
• Pay phone
• Propane
• Recreational equipment
• Wood