Starfire’s Comments (group member since Aug 01, 2014)

Starfire’s comments from the Introvert Book Club group.

Hi Patricia - I'd be interested in being a reviewer also. Happy to review on GoodReads and on my own blog for introverted entrepreneurs.

Best wishes

TANJA

I really loved Ms Demblings sense of snark - that, more than anything else in the book, really appealed to me.

My sense was that this book started life as a series of blog posts that were then collated into a book. I think that definitely helps to make it accessible (although I remember experiencing some frustration with the format when I first read it - but I might just have been overread on the subject at the time, and needing a break for a bit).

I've read this once, and if might be fun to read again :-)

I have to admit, I got a few chapters in and stalled. I keep meaning to go back to it and finish it, but haven't done so yet.

What I've read so far hasn't changed my view on introversion, but it has changed my view a little of HSP. In particular, I'm more aware that while my introversion is fairly constant, my HSP tendencies can fluctuate wildly. I've also realised that I'm much more sensitive around sound and scent than I am around the other three modalities, and that I'll only usually get overwhelmed by intense sensory combinations if one of those two senses is involved, or if there's a crowd that kicks in my introverted energy drain at the same time.

Interesting discoveries, all!

I'm reading the paperback :-)

Yes, definitely I'm totally getting the "personally sensitive topic" vibe from what I'm reading too.

I just started it today.

Hmmmmm... I"m interested in the topic, but I'm getting very twitchy at the way the author talks about introversion in the preface.

On page x she says that introversion is "a strategy that some but not all HSPs adopt", and then later she takes pains to differentiate HSP from "introversion, neuroticism and shyness"

It's not the differentiation I object to - I grant you that the traits are different. But to assume that introversion is simply "a strategy", and to equate it with neuroticism or shyness?

Not cool.

(Then again, it was written in 1997 - before most of the books I really like about introversion had been published, and most of the research around the biolgical bases for introversion had been done, so perhaps the author can be forgiven. I'm still getting twitchy though!)

Just reserved it from my library to check it out - I'm actually currently reading "Too loud, too bright..." by Sharon Heller on the same topic, and discovering I actually have more HSP tendencies than I'd realised!

*nods* - I used to be a subscriber to the idea of indiscriminate "no pain, no gain" in fitness, as well as the rest of my life. It was like I absorbed the message that if I wasn't hurting myself, I wasn't trying hard enough. So I glorified the pain and made it a good thing.

Having now injured pretty much every single major joint in my body to the point of needing months of physio and rehab to heal each one (often going from one injury to another within days), I'm a little less enamoured of the philosophy. I still believe that there are times it makes sense to push to the point of pain; but experience has taught me that long-term, every time I wreck myself to achieve one end, I'm taking away from my ability to push myself to manage something else.

So that old "no pain, no gain" mentality is now much more a "pick your battles wisely" approach. If I accept as a given that my energy is a limited commodity, and I know that a range of things I want to do will each exhaust it, it just makes sense to me do the one/s that are most important to me, and try to either let go of, or at least defer the rest.

I think this is where the "Great Bank of Energy" metaphor I use in a lot of my programme and class materials comes to the fore. If you think of energy as being a limited resource that can be spent, budgeted and saved like money; and you imagine your energy levels as a bank account that you make daily energy deposits into (with recharging downtime) and withdrawals from (with interactions, or other draining activities), it can really help when it comes to deciding how you're best to spend what energy you have. It makes it far easier to say "no" to the things that you decide, quite frankly, aren't worth the energy expenditure too :-)

What do you think of the advice “Fake it ’til you make it”?

Personally, I hate it. I think that for some people, it might be OK as a (very) temporary strategy, but I also think that the more you fake things, the more you have to fake them again later... and that can lead to serious exhaustion (or it can for me)

I like the suggestion Ms Buelow's made here: acknowledging what's really true for you about the situation ("this is scary / boring / frustrating"), and then looking for the genuine opportunity or lesson or chance to get curious about the situation.

BUT... I also think it's important to acknowledge that choosing to do this takes energy, and it might not *always* be the best use of that energy in a given situation. Sometimes I think it's genuinely OK to say "You know what? I don't enjoy this, and the world isn't going to come to an end if I don't do it. So I'm going to make the conscious choice to put my energy to a better use in this instance."

It's always situational, but I think it's great to have the option to stretch yourself if that's what you want to do in the moment.

Just finished the book this morning, and have done a brief review of it on GoodReads (about to do a more in-depth one for my introvert blog).

Overall, I really enjoyed reading this. I didn't find a *lot* of new information in there, but what there was was nice reinforcement. I think the things that stand out most for me are:

- Describing introversion as an energetic characteristic, rather than a personality factor

- The "Why fake it til you make it is lousy advice" and "Don't tell me to step outside my comfort zone" chapters (halleluyah to both of them!)

I can see myself recommending the book to business owners who've newly discovered they're introverts based solely on these two things :-)

How can introverts take a “pride of ownership” of their temperament?

I think connecting with your natural strengths and gifts as an introvert helps. Once you realise that there are actually upsides to being introverted, it's easier to stop feeling embarrassed or as though you need to "fix" your natural introversion.

I really liked the author's description of introversion as being an energetic factor, rather than a personality one. I can think of people whom it would be useful to make that distincation to.

Have you been told “you’re not an introvert!”? If so, what was your reaction?

Only by people who don't know what introversion is. My usual reaction is to ask them why they say that, and then when they invariably answer with one of the myths, I try to use it as a chance to gently educate them (at least one of the people I took that approach with realised SHE was a confident "social introvert" herself, and is now a member of my heart-based business introvert community)

Smectic wrote: "I just finished the chapter on communication. It was a good reminder that extroverts have different needs during a conversation. It's surprising but obvious once you think about it, that interrupti..."

I really enjoyed this chapter too. I sometimes communicate more like an extrovert than an introvert, so it's really helpful to have this reminder when I'm working with my introverted clients!

Sounds like a good breakdown - will get onto Chapters 1-8 this week :-)