Erick’s Comments (group member since Dec 31, 2013)

Erick’s comments from the LMU First To Go Community group.

I have a mixed experience and a long one for sure. I went through this process 3 times. I wanted to go to college since I was in 6th grade even though I did not know what the heck that meant. When I was a freshmen in h.s. I knew I had to have a high GPA but I was not aware of how competitive it was going to be get into some of the top-tier schools. At first, I wanted to stay local. However, my counselor and some of my instructors encouraged me to look at private schools and out of state colleges because of their generous financial aid. At the time, private schools were the only ones that could provide me with any type of fin. aid because of my situation. I visited and researched public and private schools. I got interviews from Rice Univ., Pomona College, and Swarthmore Univ. I applied to 8 public schools and 9 privates. Since h.s., I wanted to go to a private school because they were smaller and had better fin. aid opportunities for me. My counselor always teased me about this because she did not want me to go through the struggle of applying to so many private schools. She told me the same thing when I was applying to school the second time around. I only got into 2 out of the 17 schools that I applied to as a h.s. senior. However, I decided to go to community college instead.

The second time around, I focused mostly on private schools for the reasons that I just mentioned. However, this time, I was more selective (e.g. location and academic calendar). I applied to 5 public schools and 7 privates. My dream school was Stanford but in my opinion, Claremont McKenna College (CMC) was the perfect school (e.g. close to home, private, semester system, etc.). I interviewed twice for CMC and was in love with the school. I was accepted to 6 out the 12 schools but CMC was not one of them. I went to CSUF because it was a semester school, it was cheap, and wanted to go there since h.s. I was a bit disappointed because I was not at a private school but I got over it and learned to love the school.

The last time I applied to college, was during almost 2 years ago. This time around, I only applied to LMU and was accepted 4 times in a row before finally enrolling. It met all of the characteristics that I was looking for in a school and I had been a finalist for the SJ scholarship as a sophomore in college. I did not want to leave CSUF but I had to because I could not pay for school anymore and LMU had offered me a full scholarship and the opportunity to finally fulfill my dream. My parents encouraged me to go to college but I had to figure out all of the logistics all on my own. It has been a long journey but that's what I experienced when I applied to college.

I personally think that for the most part, almost every negative situation has its positive side. In regards to the positive side, Cedric was able to see both worlds (the good and the bad) which something that most people today do not get the opportunity to experience. Although some of the words that he heard from Torrence were discouraging, some of them were true and sometimes us as individuals need a reality check even though it might hurt deep down. Thanks to Cedric's environment, he was able to learn about: hope, the importance of saving money, and how to make the most out of his limited opportunities.

On the negative side, I think that it is tough to live in a community where failure is expected. I say this because I come from a community where a four-year education is not highly sought after for multiple factors (e.g. money, family, pregnancy, etc.). Although people in my community have gone to college including myself, others still see it as an unattainable goal. When I arrived to LMU, someone told, "You're in an institution where you're expected to fail." I did not take it the wrong way because I knew it was true for the reasons that I just mentioned. Having said that, Cedric's environment was a negative influence because his community was not very encouraging and encouraged the wrong behaviors (e.g. selling drugs, dropping out of school, etc.). The attitude and the environment alone can be depressing to be around when everyone feels discouraged.

The book has highlighted some important information regarding the first gen. experience. Although the story takes place in the 1990s, there are a lot of issues that are still present among first generation students in our present time. It seems that although times have changed, there have been some issues that have yet to be addressed. However, I also understand that money, the environment, and insufficient resources might have something to do with this.

I have found some personal connections with the book. The book mentions that Phillip’s dad believes that it is better to strive low instead of high. Later in the text, it is mentioned that kids might be confused when they are told to go to school in order to be successful and have money along with fancy cars. However, the confusion comes when they see people that did not go to college with cars and money but obtained this by participating in crimes. I grew up around relatives that told me to settle for a job and forget about going to college. However, my parents and other relatives would tell me to go to college in order to avoid a struggling life. At times, I felt somewhat confused.

The other part that connected with me was when Cedric was in the MITES program. He knew he was one of the best students in his high school but when he was accepted to the summer program at MIT, he felt intimidated and overwhelmed. His friend Torrence tells Cedric, “You’re feeling bad, deep down, because you’re betraying your people, leaving them all behind, by going up to a white university. Even if you manage to be successful, you’ll never be accepted by whites. You’re just being used by the white power structure to make them feel good, like they’re doing their part and giving a few select Africans a chance….you have to admit that those kids know how to play the game of white academic success better than you do. And that is why they’ll get ahead and you won’t.” This part of the text really resonated with me. That is how I feel sometimes when I am at LMU. The academic rigor at LMU is tough and I do not think that it is my fault; it is the fact that academics were not as intense in high school and community college. There are times when I feel guilty for leaving a school that gave me every opportunity to succeed. The faculty and staff were very understanding and although the classes were not easy, I was still an A student. I still struggle with this concept and when I read this part of the text, I asked my self, “Is Torrence right?”