Emma’s
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(group member since Sep 15, 2013)
Emma’s
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from the Authors Helping Aspiring Authors Group group.
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Thanks billy!
Hi Haven, anything you can contribute to the group regarding writing is great! And feel free to use the book shelves for your books!
Awe thanks!Paula really appreciated your feed back. I feel bad for her because of her husband having Dementia now and he can't help as much. My dad had dementia and it's heartbreaking to see.
But your honest reader's perspective is a treasure trove! Keep being you!
Paula wrote: "Martha wrote: "Paula wrote: "@Martha Either - I need to know what works or doesn't@Emma - yes"
Thank you for letting me give feedback on your story Paula. Please remember I'm not a writer, just ..."
Told you she was awesome. :)
Yes Martha very Helpful. Love the reference to "reference to Mr. Stinkybreath Grabby-hands-LOL! I'm going to take your advice and start with placing the time period. I'll have to see where my strengths are in relation to switching it to a more contemporary setting or finding and earlier time period. I need to research either way. Do you think the contemporary version would be more suitable given the Character's (Ella's) background? I thinking the earlier time period maybe more effective, but then again I'm considering your comments and they do make sense. It's hard to be objective on your own writing. :)
Okay since Paula so bravely broke the ice, I'm going to post the first draft of my story Ella and The Demon, I haven't done much research yet on the historic aspect. My forte is not historical romance. :) But this is a shot at it with a paranormal twist. This is one of the many WIPs I'm working on I worte this about two years ago and just went back to it. The characters called me to it. so please any feedback, would be greatly appreciated. Also if the dialogue is stupid with the attempt at accent, please feel free to say so. :) you can post Feedbback on here. I'm not shy!
ELLA AND THE DEMON
By Emma Paul
Ella hurried from the kitchen carrying two large tankards of drink for the taverns patrons. Mr. Davensport, the tavern’s owner and her boss, continually barked orders as she ran from table to table-pouring ale into empty cups. Sweat beaded her brow. It was hotter then hell in The Davensport Inn.
The common room was full of men. Customers occupied every table and barstool. Prostitutes lingered near the wooden steps that led to the loft, displaying their charms. They would be busy tonight.
“C’mon girl git a movin’ unless ye, could put tha’ pretty ass a’yers t’better use, ye best keep these gent’l-men weel sodded.”
Loud barks of laughter blared through the room at Ella’s expense. Damn, she hated working the tavern. The kitchen, even with its smoky air and blistering heat was preferable. But she knew this job was a godsend.
Having arrived in Roxbury two months prior without a penny to her name, she had no hope of finding the means to support herself. Everything, she sold every thing she owned to help support her and Jonathan the last five years before his death. God rest his soul.
Jonathan, her late husband had been her strength.
It always put a burning pain in her chest whenever she thought of him. He had been a good man. They lived well, comfortable. The patrons began to get even more boisterous, louder. Ella looked up from her task of pouring mead into a goblet to see what had caused the excitement.
She startled a bit, when Lord Dumont stepped inside. His massive form filled the doorway. He was a tall foreboding man. His face hard, etched with age. Cold blue eyes surveyed the tavern one person at a time. They settled on her. Uneasiness fluttered in the pit of her stomach. She quickly looked away and moved to the next table.
“Aye ye be one pretty lass…”
A large burly man with a mass of unruly beard wrapped his arm around Ella’s waist trying to pull her down onto his lap. It was the hazard of being a bar maid, no matter how swiftly you moved about, swerved out of the way of groping fingers and lecherous gazes, there was always one filthy hand finding it’s mark.
Ella turned cold, condemning eyes on the belligerent bastard. To no avail. Apparently he found her attempt to frighten him away amusing.
“Let go of me!”
“Awe come now ‘owz-aboot a wee kiss eh..”
His lips missed their intended target when she turned her head to the side. Instead, he slobbered an oily, smelly smooch on her chin. Pieces of food hung from his ragged beard. His breath stank like yesterdays vomit.
It turned her stomach and she gagged, feeling suddenly ill. Struggling to get out of his suffocating grip, she punched his bicep trying with out luck to break his hold. Oh dear lord he was going for another kiss. This time he grabbed the back of her head, fisting thick white blond hair, as he forced her face to lift up towards his mouth.
Ella cried out, but she doubted any one heard her. The room was filled, with drunks, whores and bar maids that were thankful, they were not the ones in her shoes.
“Let her go!” The deep voice penetrated the chaos, managing to bring the room to an abrupt hush. From the corner of her eye, Ella saw Lord Dumont, towering over her and the would be assailant.
She swallowed, her body trembled. The look on the lecher’s face sobered. His deep brown eyes widened with fear and he audibly gulped. Slowly his shaking hand let go of her hair and his grip on her body loosened, freeing her.
She pushed away from him. Lord Dumont studied her for a moment before he glared at the man. The patron's eyes widened with fear. He clumsily got to his feet and left the table. Dumont watched him leave out the pub entrance, and then turned his attention to Ella once again. She was frozen to her spot.
There was something not right about this man. His presence dominated the room. He sat down, never taking his eyes off Ella. Slowly everyone went back to his or her previous activity.
“I would like two tankards of Ale.”
Ella nodded and rushed behind the bar. Filling two drinking size tankards with ale, she returned to the table. Another empty stool was across the table from Lord Dumont.
“Sit. Join me.” His voice was much softer, yet there was no mistaking the commanding tone. She sat.
“What is your name lass?” He attempted a smile, but it seemed at odds with his weathered face.
Ella wrung her hands together, “Ella, M‘Lord.”
“Well Ella what is a sweet young maiden like you doing in this shit-hole.” She blushed slightly. His bluntness was something she hadn’t expected from a nobleman. Jonathan certainly never used profanity.
“I’ve moved here two months ago from Cheshire, it was the only work I could find.” It was difficult to make eye contact. Averting her eyes, she looked down at his hands.
She noticed something odd on the back of his right hand as he brought the tankard to his lips. At first, it looked like a burn. When he lowered the drink, she realized it was a mark. A crescent moon with a horned serpent wrapped around it. That is strange.
“…..family here.”
“Uhm…pardon?” He looked down at his hand. Ella turned her head embarrassed he caught her staring at his mark.
“I said, have you any family here?” His lips twisted in a small wry smile.
“No sir, I am alone. Widowed.” Damn, she should not have let that slip.
“Widowed?” His brow wrinkled with surprise. “But one so young…” he didn’t finish the sentence. His eyes traveled lower to her bosom, then back to her face, lingering a bit on her full rosy lips.
“Yes. My husband became ill five…er last spring. He died shortly after that.” Giving to much info was never a good idea, especially about her self. He narrowed his eyes as if he knew she was hiding something. Which she was.
Jonathan had been sick for five years before he died. They had been married for twelve. She was only fifteen when Jonathan wed her. She smiled sweetl, hoping to change the subject.
“I will get more ale…” She got up quickly toppling her stool over. He gave her a curt nod. Good, she can get away from this conversation. Ella tried to think of something to say when she got back to the table. The last thing she wanted was for people to know who she really was why she left Cheshire. Blessed with a youthful appearance had helped her find work quickly.
She looked ten years younger then her ripe age of twenty-seven. A widow who had been married for twelve years and still childless was not a good thing to be. Had she at least bore a son before Jonathan died, it would have been more accepting.
Rumors immediately started after he died. She was out-cast for being cursed by the devil. Foolish talk. Being baron was a sin in the eyes of Cheshire towns-folk. So she left. She wouldn’t chance the same happening in Roxbury.
Lord Dumont watched her as she poured the ale, and then closed the spout on the barrel. His unwavering attention unnerved her. It was more then his questions about her life and family. He looked through her. His expression emotionless.
There was something evil about Lord Dumont. Something she sensed yet was unable to explain why or how. Reluctantly she walked back to the table.
Mr. Davensport hunched over and spoke to Dumont. Something was amiss. It looked as if they were conspiring.
Ella took a deep breath and returned to her seat. Handing Lord Dumont his Ale, she looked up to see a very satisfied look on Davenport’s face. She lowered her eyes to his beefy hand. He clutched a bulky pouch the size of his palm. Payment? But for what? Each man stared at her. She looked from one to the other.
Dumont’s lips formed an arrogant tight-lipped smile. It was Davenport who spoke.
“Lord Dumont an’ I ‘ave decided that, ye would be better served workin’ in ’is keep. Git -at-packin’ girl ye leave tonight” He turned before Ella could say anything and walked away.
Nice job of giving the readers experience. I liked the story as well and believe it had great promise. I'm still getting used to reading present tense, so I'm afraid my feedback would be unhelpful, as I don't really know the dynamics of how to write in present tense.(sorry Paula) This was great Martha and is exactly what I would like to know about my writing as well. Readers perspective! Love it.
An Indie Author friend of mine, has a web dedicated to cover art she creates and sells--all genres...http://safariheatbooktoursandauthorse...
Paula this story will be Present Tense?
Hi M.K. We can help you promote here. I have a blog and do spotlight posts on indie Authors, my favorite inspiring Author is an indie author! So you will get a lot of support here. Also I belong to a marketing group and will be sharing promo ops with this group. Feel free to post/create files of your work. You can ask for critiques privately or as a group duscussions. Any nasty/non constructive comments that attack or bully is not tolerated by anyone here. This is a group for the advancement of our careers, not to hinder them.
Please join. It would be great to have an editor around for Q&A. Thank you so much, maybe you will get a few customers as the group grows. ;-)
Hey Martha! Everyone Martha will give you a very well thought out constructive review. I've discussed my writing with her and her insight is really great! One of these days I'm going to squeeze a four or five star review from her! LOL!
Hi just wondering if any fantasy writer or fan-fic writer know of any good links/articles on mythilogical creatures, ie, dragons, gryphons, elf, fae etc... doin research for my new book.
Kristen wrote: "Hi, my name is Kristen Middleton. I write paranormal and contemporary romance (under K.L. Middleton). I do not spend a lot of time on Goodreads, but would love to help anyone starting out and could..."Thank you Kristen! That is wonderful!
For writers of romance and erotic romance, this is a great source for finding publishers and submission requests. http://www.erotica-readers.com/ERA/AR...
Here is a very useful blog that gives a lot of free information about writing. http://darkerotica.blogspot.com/2011/...
The author writes dark erotic romance, but I believe her advice can be applied to all types of writing.
Welcome Rebecca! Very popular genres! We have quite a few Authors who have been around a while and I'm sure will be willing to give you some great tips on how to promote your work. Looking forward to discussing writing with you. I write erotic romance BTW.
