Joyce’s Comments (group member since Aug 23, 2013)

Joyce’s comments from the Ask Joyce Maynard - Friday, September 20th! group.

My answer to this question is connected to my earlier response , Jim .

I love the way that--back in those pre-high -technology days--kids went outdoors and made their own adventures instead of sitting in front of a screen.

I loved it that the girls in my novel had BIG ADVENTURES .

Hello Jim. Good question.

Yes, I loved revisiting the era of the late seventies and early eighties as I did in the writing of After Her--though my own experience of those years was markedly different from that of my characters. (I was living, at the time, in very rural New Hampshire , having babies, and writing my first novel, Baby Love.)

I'll tell you one thing I liked about setting this novel in an earlier time (and it may account for why my last three novels were also set in earlier times--the mid eighties for Labor Day, the sixties for The Cloud Chamber, and the fifties/ sixties and beyond for The Good Daughters):

These were pre-technology times ! As much as I like my iPhone and my laptop, the idea of having my characters engage in texting and googling just feels pretty soulless. (I wrote a novel back in the 90's called Where Love Goes, in which my main characters conduct a lot of their love affair via FAX. Talk about a dated concept....)

One day, I guess I'll have to deal with including current technology in a work of fiction. But i'm holding out as long as I can. Maybe I'll just write a novel set during a power failure.

Lynn wrote: "Happy to provide you with a break! I am just 2 1/2 years from 60 and have made resolution to keep working out regularly...forever! That magic number does seem to carry some weight, doesn't it? Tho..."

Here's what I care about most at age 60: HEALTH. I want to live a long active life. No guarantees, regardless of what I do or eat of course. But I hope I can stay active and writing for a long time.

Karen wrote: "Joyce,
I have relished your non-fiction & fiction ever since I read Four Generations in a college lit book. The myriad ways that mothers and daughters weave in, out and through each others' lives i..."

Hi Karen. I got confused here....(technologically challenged) and responded to your comments in the box of a woman named CAREN.

If you can't find what I said, repost and I'll try again!

Kim wrote: "Hi Joyce, Looking forward to reading your new book (just purchased) and I really enjoyed At Home in the World-you and I are probably the same age and I related very much to the cultural references ..."

Hi Kim. Yes, I HAVE thought about setting a novel in Guatemala . The only kind of story I'd feel qualified to tell woudl be one involving expatriates in a village of the kind I've lived, part time, for the last 13 years. It would be very presumptuous of me to try and write a novel whose central characters were indigenous Mayan....but Mayan culture--viewed from the perspective of a North American--would surely be a part of any story I'd set there.

I'm curious why you ask....

Hello lynn
Im writing this during a break at the gym--where im on thelas six weeks of my resolve to fet un the best shape of my life before my 60th birthday in november
(Luckily I was never a super athlete so the bar is nit so high. Still your eords provide a welcome break.
I wNt to thank you for your loyal readership
I could not keep writing without readers like you

Jamie wrote: "Good morning Joyce. I don't have a question, but I do want to say that I am so grateful I "discovered" you recently and your amazing collection. I found you from listening to an NPR interview of ..."

good to hear from you , Jamie. Recording that audio book of AHITW meant a lot to me (though it was hard). I also recorded After Her, by the way....and one of the two voices for The Good Daughters. And my actor son, Wilson Bethel , recorded Labor Day, beautifully.

Ann wrote: "Joyce wrote: "Ann wrote: "Hi, Joyce! One of the things I love about your writing is the pacing--you're able to discuss characters doing day-to-day things without rushing off to the next bit of "act..."

Good hearing from you, Ann. I do sometimes need to disconnect from the world --at which point i leave home and hole up someplace. But the work I do also requires me to do what i love, which is to hear people's stories and undersatnd all the different ways we live our lives. SO i am in the world for a while, then on hiatus...

(about your writing: Come work with me at Lake Atitlan!)

Margaret wrote: "Good morning, Joyce! Just popped in to say hello and to recommend your workshop to any and all writers, aspiring or otherwise. I flew to California from Texas several months ago for a one-day works..."

so good to hear from you, Margaret. I love to work with writers on their stories, and am deeply gratified when I see a breakthrough like yours. As often happens. If there' ssomeone reading this who'd like to know more, by all means go to my website, www.joycemaynard.com

For now, the writing event I've got planned is my annual weeklong memoir workshop on the shores of Lake Atitlan, in Guatemala. But I'll be teaching in Maine this coming summer, and will no doubt host a one-day workshop in my home again before too long. if you register your email at my website, you will get a notice when a new class is announced. I work with writers of all levels....including those who don't even call themselves writers, but simply have a story to tell. WHich we all do.

Thanks, Ti. The sister relationship is , for me, the heart of my novel . It was inspired , utterly, by the real closeness of the two women whose story inspired mine. They have become treasured friends of mine by the way.

You can see us talking about the book, and the story, here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZmyOr...

Joyce wrote: "Caren wrote: "Hi Joyce! Three things:
-Will After Her be made into a film?
-What about At Home in the World? I always thought that would be a terrific film or documentary. Your life story is so u..."

I got your question confused with the question of KAREN. Sorry about this. You'll find your answer in THAT thread.

Karen wrote: "Joyce wrote: "And who do you think could play me?"

Amanda Hale"

Karen: I just realized I got your question confused with the question of CAREN. So I gave you an answer to a question you did not ask!

Helenpeluso903msn.com wrote: "I enjoy your writing and your Facebook page is terrific. Your postings are always insightful and it seems you genuinely speak from the heart.Occasionally, I would like to comment but am not able ..."

Hi Helen. I would love to read what you have to say on my page. The problem is, I'm always maxing out on my friend list. I think there are one or two spaces at the moment though....so if you send me a friend request this morning, I'll be sure to accept it.

I could solve this problem if I created an author page instead of a regular page. But then I could not communicate personally with any reader, and I don't want to give that up.

(Tried that. hated it.)

About my wedding dress: I found it at a little dressmaker place in Brooklyn called Kimera. (They have a website). NOT expensive. it was a sample..but they do custom make dresses. very classic and simple, which is hard to find in a wedding dress, I discovered.

Elyse wrote: "I had old feelings come up (sad ones) --associated with the mother.
I was a gymnast growing up. (very good by the way). I won many first place awards at the advance level in competitions all ove..."

Interesting story, Elyse. And a painful one. But you know, while I have no doubt your mother caused you great sorrow and let you down, I will say--speaking as the daughter of a mother who went completely the opposite direction, and lost all sight of the boundaries between us-- that there was something you got from this, which was a clear sense of YOURSELF. And look what you achieved,without your mother hovering over you and pushing you to succeed (as mine did.)

There is a passage in After Her in which the character of the older sister, Rachel, suddenly realizes this about her own absent mother. It's on page 178 (and goes to page 180). You might take a look at it. I'd be curious to know what you think, and if her thoughts match yours at all.

About gymnastics, by the way: All my life, I've wanted to be able to execute a cartwheel. I actually got a lesson on this , this past summer, from an old school friend I grew up with, captain of the cheering squad at our NH high school. Still working on it. I bet you can still cartwheel beautifully.

And who do you think could play me?

Oh gosh . I wrote all of that without addressing your other two questions.

I think After Her would make a terrific movie . We'll see if it happens. I hope so.

Same with At Home in the World....

Caren wrote: "Hi Joyce! Three things:
-Will After Her be made into a film?
-What about At Home in the World? I always thought that would be a terrific film or documentary. Your life story is so unique and inte..."

Good morning, Karen. I'm going to answer your question about my kids, and traditions, and pie, but first I want to say a few things about mothers and my writing.

I had a mother for 35 years. (Same number of years my daughter has had ME around, come to think of it. I never made that connection until typing those words just now.) And i have lived with the absence of my mother for almost 25 years now. And here is the odd thing: She occupies almost as much space,with her absence, as she did with her presence.

I think I'll be exploring the relationship between mothers and daughters as long as I live, which I hope is synonymous with AS LONG AS I WRITE.

My novel Baby Love was about young mothers, obsession with babies, birth, and the transition a person makes when she has a child, from putting her own self first to placing her hopes and dreams on her child. Domestic Affairs (my collection of essays about parenthood) looked at those years of raising young children . The Usual Rules was about young adolescence and the loss of a mother. Where Love Goes: a woman trying to figure out how to be both a mother and a sexual and romantic partner , both at once. Labor Day: a grieving mother, and a son tryiing to rescue her (and unable to do so.) The Good Daughters was about adult women, still grappling with their mothers.

This time around--with After Her--I took a little break from mothers. Not entirely...but I wanted to spend some time imagining how it would feel to grow up WITHOUT a mother always overseeing one's life (as mine surely did). So After Her is, in a way, my first novel in which the primary parent relationship is with a FATHER. I loved creating that character, and exploring that relationship, which is both deeply flawed and deeply loving. Like most relationships, I think. Many, at least. The mother in After Her has pulled away , not because she doesn't love her daughters, but because she has her own huge struggles (depression, I think, though I never name it as such in the novel).

Even this act on her part speaks of love, I think. At one point, one of my characters in the novel identifies the apparent neglect as her mother's way of protecting her daughters from her own crippling sorrow. She leaves them to their own devices, so they won't be caught up in her own sorrow. And though the girls get into a very dangerous situation, because of this, they also have a powerful bond with each other, and a rare and wonderful sense of their own independent identities, separate from their mother.

Now, to your question about kids and traditions. They were always hugely important to me , and we had many. Baking and cooking together, for sure--and family meals. My children's father and I were divorced from when our kids were 5,7 and 11, so it seemed particularly important that we maintain that strong sense of family in our newly reconfigured group--as the four of us. It may be the part of me who was raised by a jewish mother (a woman who definitely saw food as an expression of love) that instilled this in me. Family dinners mattered.

(The girls in After Her fix their own dinners, by the way. Soup and crackers. or whatever's handy. On the run...)

We always said grace. Sang it, actually. All these years later (my kids are now 29, 31 and 35) we still sing our song when we get together. "Tis a Gift to be Simple". Shaker hymn.

As for the pie: As was true with my mother, I never actually took any of my children aside and said, "Now I'm going to teach you how to make a good pie." They just breathed it in. My sons in particular. They are both fine pie bakers (and have won a heart or two, I think, with their pies.) My rebel daughter makes apple crisp.

One final word on pie (Oh, who am i kidding. I will have MANY more words on this topic): In my novel, Labor Day, the character of Frank--a convict on the run, hiding out in the home of a lonely single mother, Adele--teaches the woman's young son how to make a pie. The instructions Frank gives to the boy, Henry, are identical to MY directions. If you follow them , you'll have yourself a fine pie.

And the scene in the movie is perfect. That pie is mine. There's a good reason why: I taught Josh Brolin how to make it.

Elyse wrote: "You made me cry! I signed up! Thank you!

By the way..."The Salinger Movie" opens in today (in San Jose anyway)"

What I have to say about that:

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/09/15/opi...

Elyse wrote: "Amazing story in itself. Wonderful song, also."
thank you, Elyse. I always create a little soundtrack for myself when writing. " My Sharona" was one song I played a lot to bring myself to the mood I wanted. Another--a very different kind of song--was "Be Careful" by Patty Griffin. A song about the vulnerability of young girls.

Kim wrote: "I'm also keeping up with your reflections on the responses you're getting from women in regard to your essay on Salinger and you relationship with him. Very important discussion and I appreciate yo..."

Thank you, Kim. As you probably know, there's a highly publicized new book and film out about Salinger. I appear in the film--a decision I made with the knowledge that if i chose not to be interviewed and appear on screen, I'd be spoken ABOUT . I preferred to speak for myself, and don't regret that decision, although I have some profound concerns about the film.

I'm going to provide a link here to the op ed column you spoke of. It inspired some pretty interesting discussion on my Facebook page (and dozens of personal emails to me. Many were from young women who'd had similar experiences to mine. Or not so young women who spoke of the enduring effects of such a relationship in their lives.