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(cont.) After the film tanked in the theaters, they tried showing it on network TV, but it kept getting preempted every ten minutes by news breaks about riots, active shooters, and killdozer rampages. They’d cut to a news bulletin about a guy going apeshit in a Publix grocery store in Cape Coral, firing a thousand rounds of full-metal jacket ammunition out of a surplus M-14 because Pop Tarts didn’t come out with a gluten-free version, then smash over to footage of a napalmed school bus flip end-over-end on a rush-hour highway in Atlanta, tossing burning children from the windows like cinders kicked loose from a log rolling out of a campfire. By the time they came back from the remote feed at the scene, some other asshole with an AR-15 had shot up a Wal-Mart in Alabama because he thought Pop Tarts did have a gluten-free version, and this was a sign of the liberal agenda terrorizing our precious bodily fluids.
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Arthur
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Nov 11, 2026 03:59PM
(cont.) After the film tanked in the theaters, they tried showing it on network TV, but it kept getting preempted every ten minutes by news breaks about riots, active shooters, and killdozer rampages. They’d cut to a news bulletin about a guy going apeshit in a Publix grocery store in Cape Coral, firing a thousand rounds of full-metal jacket ammunition out of a surplus M-14 because Pop Tarts didn’t come out with a gluten-free version, then smash over to footage of a napalmed school bus flip end-over-end on a rush-hour highway in Atlanta, tossing burning children from the windows like cinders kicked loose from a log rolling out of a campfire. By the time they came back from the remote feed at the scene, some other asshole with an AR-15 had shot up a Wal-Mart in Alabama because he thought Pop Tarts did have a gluten-free version, and this was a sign of the liberal agenda terrorizing our precious bodily fluids.
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