Hi everyone! I'm an established Dutch author and my crime/thriller novel has recently been translated into English. I'm looking for a few native English speakers who'd be willing to read a couple of pages and give me their honest impressions.
I'm especially curious about whether the English reads naturally — does it flow well? Are there any sentences or phrases that feel off or awkward? Anything that pulls you out of the story?
The book follows forensic investigator Amber de Witt, who is assigned to a suspicious death in an affluent neighbourhood in The Hague, Netherlands.
I have shared an excerpt below. Any feedback, even just a few notes, would be hugely appreciated!
Thanks in advance 😊
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Marianne hung her head and fidgeted with her fingers while everyone in the conference room stared at her. "Hugo is … Hugo passed away last night."
I felt all the blood drain from my body. "What are you saying?!"
Tears welled up in Marianne's eyes. "Ivanka found him in bed this morning. He probably died a few hours before that."
An icy silence filled the room.
"That's impossible!" I shrieked, jumping up from my chair and walking toward Marianne. She must be mistaken. I wanted to grab her and shake her. "H-Hugo was just drunk. Other than that, he's perfectly healthy. We put him in the taxi together yesterday." Marianne had to stop saying these ridiculous things immediately.
Levi looked at me with an expression I couldn't read.
Marianne shrugged her shoulders, her whole demeanor radiating despair. "I don't understand it either. Th-they think he had a heart attack."
The words floated around in my head, without coherence. No matter how hard I tried to listen and understand, it remained incoherent.
"No!" I screamed. I grabbed Marianne firmly by her forearms and looked deep into her eyes. "Tell me it's not true."
Grief and despair were etched on her face. "I-I'm afraid it is. The doctor has already declared him dead. Apparently, the house was quite a circus. H-Hugo is gone. I-I can't believe it either." Marianne began to cry softly.
I'm especially curious about whether the English reads naturally — does it flow well? Are there any sentences or phrases that feel off or awkward? Anything that pulls you out of the story?
The book follows forensic investigator Amber de Witt, who is assigned to a suspicious death in an affluent neighbourhood in The Hague, Netherlands.
I have shared an excerpt below. Any feedback, even just a few notes, would be hugely appreciated!
Thanks in advance 😊
---
Marianne hung her head and fidgeted with her fingers while everyone in the conference room stared at her. "Hugo is … Hugo passed away last night."
I felt all the blood drain from my body. "What are you saying?!"
Tears welled up in Marianne's eyes. "Ivanka found him in bed this morning. He probably died a few hours before that."
An icy silence filled the room.
"That's impossible!" I shrieked, jumping up from my chair and walking toward Marianne. She must be mistaken. I wanted to grab her and shake her. "H-Hugo was just drunk. Other than that, he's perfectly healthy. We put him in the taxi together yesterday." Marianne had to stop saying these ridiculous things immediately.
Levi looked at me with an expression I couldn't read.
Marianne shrugged her shoulders, her whole demeanor radiating despair. "I don't understand it either. Th-they think he had a heart attack."
The words floated around in my head, without coherence. No matter how hard I tried to listen and understand, it remained incoherent.
"No!" I screamed. I grabbed Marianne firmly by her forearms and looked deep into her eyes. "Tell me it's not true."
Grief and despair were etched on her face. "I-I'm afraid it is. The doctor has already declared him dead. Apparently, the house was quite a circus. H-Hugo is gone. I-I can't believe it either." Marianne began to cry softly.