Is happiness bad for us? > Likes and Comments

Dear Friend,

Many of us (or even- most of us?) seem to organize our lives according to pursuit of happiness. Some of us feel we usually succeed, whilst for others it’s just the opposite.

There are opinions that try as hard as we may, we cannot “escape ourselves”- for our level of contentment is shaped by our nature, and not by external conditions.
"Happiness is inward, and not outward; and so, it does not depend on what we have, but on what we are".
-Henry Van Dyke (19th century American diplomat and a clergyman)
"I have learned that the greater part of our misery or unhappiness is determined not by our circumstance but by our disposition".
-Martha Washington (18-19th century American humanitarian and wife of the Founding Father)

If you are one of those folk who are usually happy , will you be surprised to learn that this is not necessarily “the best thing”..? For some great minds seem to be certain that if you haven’t received your dose of suffering, you might be lacking in some important way:
"The Lord gets his best soldiers out of the highlands of affliction".
-Charles Spurgeon (19th century English clergyman)
"The wound is the place where the Light enters you".
- Rumi (13th century Persian poet)
"I began to understand that suffering and disappointments and melancholy are there not to vex us or cheapen us or deprive us of our dignity but to mature and transfigure us".
-Hermann Hesse ( 19-20th century German- Swiss novelist)

But “why”, you might ask, my curious reader, what is the logical link between the suffering and wisdom? Apparently, it makes us contain our otherwise indomitable will:
"Wisdom comes through suffering.
Trouble, with its memories of pain,
Drips in our hearts as we try to sleep,
So men against their will
Learn to practice moderation".
-Aeschylus (Ancient Greek poet)

However, if you still want to try and attain happiness, what are you best off doing?
It seems that aiming towards the greater good is the right thing :
"True happiness comes from the joy of deeds well done, the zest of creating things new".
-Antoine de Saint-Exupery (20th century French author and aviator)

And focusing on your loved ones apparently makes more sense.
"Happiness grows at our own firesides, and is not to be picked in strangers' gardens".
- Douglas William Jerrold (19th century English writer)

But don’t underestimate how hard it might be:
"Our most bitter enemies are our own kith and kin".
-Honore de Balzac (18-19th century French novelist)

Whether you choose to focus on helping your loved ones, or the others, you might lack happiness if you don’t know when to stop:
"There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will".
- Epictetus ( Ancient Greek philosopher)

And in all our endeavours, hoping for the best outcome should be our aim:
"You might not always get what you want, but you always get what you expect".
-Charles Spurgeon (19th century English preacher)

Dear Jasmine,

This is a thoughtful synthesis, and I appreciate how you bring together voices that don’t reduce happiness to a single definition.

What strikes me is not the opposition between happiness and suffering, but the danger of treating happiness as a goal rather than a byproduct. When pursued directly, it often becomes fragile or performative. When it emerges from meaning, responsibility, or care for others, it feels more grounded—and less anxious.

Perhaps the question is not whether happiness is good or bad for us, but whether we allow it to coexist with discomfort, limitation, and uncertainty without trying to eliminate them.

Hi Raphael :)

"Discomfort and uncertainty"? ( shock horror!! ) :)

Most of us cannot tolerate them at all, and "self-medicate" via various types of escapism- reading is one of them :)

Jasmine

P.S. However you are right- focusing on making people in your life happy reduces the discomfort; I was not feeling very steady this morning, but I have just planned a menu for dinner party with friends next week, and am feeling a whole lot better :))

Hi Jasmine 🙂
I really liked your point about discomfort and uncertainty — and the way you framed reading as a kind of “self-medication” made me smile.
I wonder, though, if reading can also be something slightly different: not so much an escape from discomfort, but a way of meeting it in a form we can tolerate. A safe space where fear, doubt, and moral tension are allowed to exist without demanding immediate resolution.
Maybe that’s why stories matter when we’re unsteady — not because they remove uncertainty, but because they help us sit with it a little longer, without panic.
And I loved your postscript. Planning something for others and feeling better afterward feels like a very human proof that meaning often precedes happiness, not the other way around.

Vasyl wrote: "Hi Jasmine 🙂
I really liked your point about discomfort and uncertainty — and the way you framed reading as a kind of “self-medication” made me smile.
I wonder, though, if reading can also be somet..."

Hi Vasyl :)

I am keeping your best quotes safely stored (lol) and you've just given us another one :
"meaning often precedes happiness, not the other way around".

Thank you :))

Jasmine

On a slightly different note, do you guys believe that any (every) good book should show both happiness and unhappiness?

As we well know " completely happy book" is boring, but there are so many books that are soaked with misery, and give reader no hope and no guidance- I don't tend to rate those highly.

Dear authors, show us light, beauty, and love..! even if its just a few sparkles, in the midst of the dark wretchedness you are choosing to write about :)

Jasmine

Hi Jasmine,

I love the way you framed this — especially the idea that a book soaked only in misery can feel as hollow as one soaked only in happiness.

For me, a good book doesn’t need to balance happiness and unhappiness in equal measure, but it does need to acknowledge both. Darkness alone can become oppressive; light alone can feel dishonest. What matters is not reassurance, but orientation — a sense that the text knows where it stands in relation to human fragility.

Sometimes that “light” is not hope in the obvious sense, but clarity. Or honesty. Or a moment of recognition that says: you are not alone in this confusion. Even a few sparks, as you beautifully put it, can be enough to keep the reader present rather than defeated.

Perhaps the books that stay with us longest are not the ones that promise happiness, but the ones that refuse to abandon meaning — even in the darkest rooms.

Raphaël wrote: "Hi Jasmine,

I love the way you framed this — especially the idea that a book soaked only in misery can feel as hollow as one soaked only in happiness.

For me, a good book doesn’t need to balance ..."

I am pleased you've used the word " meaning", Raphael. Please share what exactly does this signify to you?? The point of human life? The purpose of suffering? Something else?

Thank you :)

Jasmine

Hi Jasmine,

That’s a generous and important question, and I’m glad you paused at the word meaning rather than letting it pass as an abstraction.

For me, meaning is not a final answer, nor a grand purpose that justifies suffering after the fact. It is something quieter and more provisional. Meaning is what allows a person to remain inwardly present to their own life, even when that life resists explanation or consolation.

It is not the point of human life, nor the purpose of suffering. Suffering does not need a purpose to be real, and assigning one too quickly can sometimes feel like a way of closing our eyes. Meaning, as I understand it, does not redeem suffering—it accompanies it. It gives form to experience without dissolving its pain.

In literature, this is why a book does not need to offer hope in the form of happiness, but it does need to offer recognition. A sense that the text is honest about complexity, attentive to moral tension, and unwilling to reduce human experience to either despair or reassurance.

So when I say that meaning often precedes happiness, I mean that happiness, when it appears, is usually the residue of having lived attentively—of having stayed with difficulty long enough to understand oneself, or to remain open to others, without needing resolution.

That, at least, is the kind of meaning I trust.

Thank you for inviting the question.

Raphaël wrote: "Hi Jasmine,

That’s a generous and important question, and I’m glad you paused at the word meaning rather than letting it pass as an abstraction.

For me, meaning is not a final answer, nor a grand..."

Dear Raphael,

Thank you for this beautiful cascade of thoughts, it will take me a bit of time to understand them fully! lol.. I'll get back to you when I do.
:))

Jasmine

For me, a good book doesn’t need to balance happiness and unhappiness in equal measure — but it does need to leave the reader oriented, not abandoned.
Darkness without light can feel oppressive, but light without darkness feels dishonest. Even a small spark — clarity, honesty, a moment of recognition — can be enough.
Not to promise happiness, but to remind the reader they are not alone while moving through uncertainty.
That, for me, is where meaning lives in literature.

Vasyl wrote: "For me, a good book doesn’t need to balance happiness and unhappiness in equal measure — but it does need to leave the reader oriented, not abandoned.
Darkness without light can feel oppressive, bu..."

I love how you say " orient your reader, don't abandon him"- totally right! :)

Jasmine

Well, while doing some research I found a term - coined by Holocaust survivor and author of "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl - called "tragic optimism" that deeply resonated with me. It seems to capture the meaning found in both the inevitable beauty and intermingling pains of life, with our cultivated peace essentially being a tribute to overcoming the "tragic triad" of humanity (pain, guilt, and death). It's essentially the "cure" to toxic positivity, turning a negative situation into one of positive connotations. I can definitely vibe with that.

"What is to give light must endure burning."
- Victor Frankl

More About Frankl:
https://www.pursuit-of-happiness.org/...

A thought from Business Yoga Book: happiness is not bad, but depending only on external happiness can make us restless. The book reminds us to balance the “Standard of Living” with the “Standard of Life.” True happiness becomes deeper when it is rooted in awareness, inner balance, and purpose.

Anil wrote: "A thought from Business Yoga Book: happiness is not bad, but depending only on external happiness can make us restless. The book reminds us to balance the “Standard of Living” with the “Standard of..."

Hi Anil,

Thank you for your thoughtful comment :) I agree, we can only feel truly happy, if whatever it is we are seeking ( or are in the process of receiving) aligns with our purpose :)

Jasmine

Cassidy wrote: "Well, while doing some research I found a term - coined by Holocaust survivor and author of "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl - called "tragic optimism" that deeply resonated with me. It ..."

Hi Cassidy :)

Do you mean that as negative emotions/painful states of humanity are inevitable, we might as well try and find beauty in them, so we could "embrace them" as opposite to recoil from them?

I am very curious what exactly does " tragic optimism" mean to you; please share with the example, if you can- thank you :)

Jasmine

I think we can learn from negative emotions. They are the consequence of something, after all.

@Dr Jasmine
Precisely, and @gregbrewer hit the nail on the head. In fact, we need to focus on achieving balance in all aspects of our lives - after all, stars can't shine without darkness.

For me, navigating systemic issues and chronic illness (including suicidal ideation) are my tenets of tragic optimism. I acknowledge the pain of these realities (radical acceptance) while refusing to be defined by these conditions, committing myself to finding progress and joy in the small victories - essentially an affirmation of "yes" to living my life as fully as possible.

"Ever more people today have the means to live, but no meaning to live for."
- Viktor E. Frankl

Cassidy wrote: "@Dr Jasmine
Precisely, and @gregbrewer hit the nail on the head. In fact, we need to focus on achieving balance in all aspects of our lives - after all, stars can't shine without darkness.

For me,..."

Hi Cassidy,

Thank you for sharing, I appreciate your honesty. The very fact you are able to talk about your struggles freely is the demonstration of strength, and I admire you for that :)

It is very sad that " many people have no meaning to live for", perhaps they are looking for meaning in the wrong places?? Find something/someone to love, and thats enough meaning to occupy every minute of your time, till the end of your life, in my opinion :)

Jasmine

Cassidy, thank you for sharing that so honestly. I think “tragic optimism” is powerful because it does not pretend that pain is good or beautiful by itself.
Pain can be cruel, unfair, and exhausting. But meaning sometimes appears in the decision not to let pain become the whole story.
For me, happiness becomes dangerous only when it turns into an obligation — when people are expected to smile instead of being allowed to suffer honestly. Real light does not deny darkness. It survives beside it.

Vasyl wrote: "Cassidy, thank you for sharing that so honestly. I think “tragic optimism” is powerful because it does not pretend that pain is good or beautiful by itself.
Pain can be cruel, unfair, and exhaustin..."

Hi Vasyl :)

This is also cultural, you know :) In some Western societies, its considered to be " bad form" to show any negative emotions to others; one is supposed to suffer in silence and not to "pollute" the environment of others by their visible misery.

Whilst in some other countries, for instance, Eastern Europe, if one is feeling sad/angry/frustrated, its much more socially acceptable to not have to wear a smiling mask.

I am not sure which societal way is better... what do you guys, think?

Jasmine

I think both approaches can become unhealthy if they go too far.

A society that forces people to hide every wound creates loneliness behind polite smiles. But a society that turns every emotion outward can also become exhausting for everyone around.

Maybe the healthier place is somewhere between the two: allowing people to be honest about pain without making pain the only language they have.

In literature, I think this matters a lot. A character does not need to smile to be strong. Sometimes strength is simply refusing to pretend that everything is fine.