S.’s review of Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care about Has Borderline Personality Disorder > Likes and Comments
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Just curious why he is your ex, if you don't mind my asking.
The man turned out to be genuinely and certifiably psychotic (as in, murdering my pets to punish me for hurting his feelings) as well as abusive within the relationship.
Having found out that he dated at least one other girl who suspected she was BPD, and was also abusive toward her... I'm actually tempted to suspect that he uses the book for a manual on how to understand and manipulate/control them within a relationship by playing on insecurities and fear of abandonment.
Luckily I got out pretty quickly. I think the relationship lasted 6 months, and within less than a year I was moved out of state where he couldn't find me again.
There really is nothing you can do..even setting healthy boundaries is a trigger for someone with BPD. I know this all too well. There has to be some of help for non-bpd's. believe me I would be the first to sign up!
Bukk wrote: "Is this an "ironic" review?"
No. This is a horrible book that treats the person with BPD as an enemy rather than someone who deserves love and support.
Do you have any suggestions for a book that is positive and gives support instead? I really don't want to read this if it is going to sound like you said and tell me to "get out while you can"
I've been dealing with my husband for 12 years and he seems to be a high functioning BPD and I'd like to read something to understand how I'm feeling, but AT&T he same time help him.
Amy, I haven't found any written from the more supportive approach but I didn't look at many others. I self diagnosed as BPD (because I saw Girl, Interrupted and at time believed it explained all my problems) when I was really just a high strung 20-something who didn't know how to deal with adulthood.
If your husband has a therapist you should be able to ask them for recommendations. I do know there are some counseling services that will also work with you in finding options as well, but no idea how that runs on pricing.
I will be skipping this book, thanks for the warning. I am currently reading I Hate You, Don't Leave Me to gain deeper insight into my own struggles with BPD. So far it seems to encourage a positive approach.
Living with someone with BPD is a burden.
Living with someone with BPD is difficult this book supports people who are trying to do that. it does not mean that the person with BPD is not loved but the loved ones need support and assistance.
Michelle wrote: "Living with someone with BPD is difficult this book supports people who are trying to do that. it does not mean that the person with BPD is not loved but the loved ones need support and assistance."
This is true, and I understand that... I would have appreciated the book if it had been presented that way, but in all truth it tells the reader over and over that their BPD loved one is not worth supporting or loving, telling them at every turn that attempting to remain close and supportive will only destroy them in the end.
Shanon wrote: "Michelle wrote: "Living with someone with BPD is difficult this book supports people who are trying to do that. it does not mean that the person with BPD is not loved but the loved ones need suppor..."
With respect, I just did not read it that way. When a person has a loved one with BPD it is difficult and isolating this book just helped to understand the need to disengage. I did not read it as saying the BPD loved one is not worth the investment.
BPD is as highly sensitive a subject to discuss as is to experience with a family member or loved one. A couple of women I know with it make the claim that they are bipolar instead of this particular label. I felt this book did offer some understanding and effective tips on bettering a relationship with a BPD
You mention that your experience with BPD comes from a movie and that you do not identify with being BPD. Have you ever experienced being close to a loved one with BPD?
So... im reading reviews... and honestly if you are dating someone diagnosed with BPD, AND they are unaware and unwilling to work on the difficulties they have with emotion regulation, distress tolerance and interpersonal relationships. LEAVE. They will eventually destroy your mental health. If you have a child diagnosed with BPD... its a whole different story... its a hard road and its exhausting a rollercoaster. New research shows that the brains of people with BPD experience all emotions more intensely than the rest of the us. Its no picnic for the aware person with BPD. Most who are committed to being different struggle daily
I hope you all find what u are looking for <3
As someone who has had first hand experience with someone with BPD, they are a burden. They can do incredible damage to all the other relationships and destroy and entire family. This book literally saved my immediate family and I can't disagree with you more. Ironically, your reaction is exactly what I would expect from someone with red flags (that's all you probably have as you say you self diagnosed, you don't really know if you are BPD).
I have borderline personality disorder and major depressive disorder. I sincerely do not mean to cause angst by my forthcoming comment, but this reviewer sounds like someone who has not had adequate treatment for her own BPD and is shifting blame to others. I'm obviously making huge assumptions, and I acknowledge this and the limitations therein. But this is such a classic borderline response. It moves right to accusation of others. I would disregard this reviewers comments. This is a very good book for loved ones. If my exes would speak to me (disclosure - they don't and I certainly (no longer) blame them - I believe this book would bring them clarity and solace. They weren't (to the best of my knowledge) the mentally ill ones. I certainly was. I couldn't realize it at the time but goddamn that hindsight . . .
And BPD is a burden to others. There is no disputing that. It's also an immense burden to the patient.
Just to throw this out there, BPD is very treatable. Lots of people seem to buy into the myth that it is not. No mental illness is easy to overcome, but with BPD lots of people are now leading very healthy and normal lives because of DBT therapy. I would suggest reading up on DBT if you really want to understand someone with BPD and how to help them. BPD is no more a burden to anyone than any other chronic illness and it shouldn't be treated as such. Treating anyone as a burden will obviously hinder their success. Can it be difficult for loved ones at times? Of course, and they should receive adequate support but this book has come under fire many, many times for its outdated information and views.
that may be your "victim" trigger going off on you. i read the book and found it was all about effectively letting the person with BPD keep acting out, just don't take it personally when they do...
Adam wrote: "that may be your "victim" trigger going off on you. i read the book and found it was all about effectively letting the person with BPD keep acting out, just don't take it personally when they do..."
You may be right about a "victim" trigger, but not for the reasons you think. Back then, I had *decided* that I was BPD, based on liking a movie where the main character had the diagnosis. The symptoms and traits fit, especially if you looked at them and wanted them to, you know? In all reality, I was an angsty 20-something and had no idea how to live like an adult (still working on figuring that one out).
The victim part comes in when you take into account the fact that I was at the time dating a man who specifically targeted women who either had or believed that they had BPD, depression, and other difficulties. He was psychotic (killing my pets to punish me for not answering my phone when he called, among many worse things). This book was his primer on how to manipulate women who believed they had these issues, and this particular one being delivered from the perspective that the BPD person may not be worth love and support.
These days, I don't blame the book so much as the psycho who saw between the lines and used it to take advantage of women. I'm debating taking down the review, as my ire was primarily for the psycho, but I still feel that it was written from a negative perspective so I haven't made up my mind yet.
Very useful discussion. I hope you don't take it down.
Agreed Anthony. Living with someone with BPD is really difficult/a burden, even when you love them and believe they are worthy. This book really helps understand the disorder. It is aimed at a readership of people who have somebody in their life who has BPD (and not aimed at a readership of people with BPD). For people who are struggling coping with the behaviours of somebody with BPD, it is a really helpful book. And I did not think it was judgmental. It does acknowledge the difficulty of living with a BPD, a difficulty that is real.
I understand the concern you have. A narcissist or similar BPD could read this and use it to recognize your coping strategies and manipulate or gaslight you with even greater precision (when they're already pretty good at it).
I disagree. I read the book and it was very supportive to those who stay with someone with bpd and for parents and children. In fact, I felt at times i felt that I had to justify my leaving my husband over it. It gave me a lot of insight that might have helped if I read it 20 years ago. Maybe I and my children would have been spared years of verbal abuse and the resulting anxiety.
I agree. I bought this book because my daughter has BPD and I am just really glad she didn't read it. I love my daughter. I was looking for ways to better understand her and be supportive., not this.
I completely disagree with this review. I feel this book gives great insight into the mind of someone with Bpd and reading it out loud to my Bpd SO has been a great experience. As others said this review sounds like someone with BPD shifting the blame on others.
Did we read the same book? This book gave great pointers on how to live with someone with BPD and offered real life perspective of BPDs too.
To the OP after reading your review and comment. It seems that because you appeared to watch Girl Interrupted (the movie I believe you referenced) you self diagnosed. It seems you were upset at your boyfriend at the time of writing the review. Perhaps an updated review and or reread of the book is needed.
I have BPD and am currently in DBT therapy. My mother and sister have BPD. I grew up with most of their symptoms and abuse directed at me. The first part of this book was very judgmental. I keep looking for some kind of advise that didn’t shout to the non bp in the relationship “Get Out!” Because I couldn’t get out. The second part explains how to love and work with the BPD person. I’m still working my way through it but the techniques are helpful.
As someone who has been diagnosed with BPD I thought this book was very helpful to the person with the disorder as well. I related to it and it makes me want to try hard not to be that person and to see things from the opposite point of view. I really found it useful and want my non bp boyfriend to read it as well.
this book is very stigmatizing im so glad more books exist now in 2021 than did when I was 28 and diagnosed in 2007.
It may not be valuable to you, but as a mother wish someone with BPD, it is eye opening and makes me feel as if I'm not alone. It is so very very hard and exhausting trying to maintain a healthy relationship with someone with BPD. I will even go so far as to say it is udderly exhausting and all consuming.
Thank you for perfectly proving the author's point.
THE DIALECTICAL BEHAVIOR THERAPY DIARY
monitoring your emotional
regulation day by day
MATTHEW MCKAY, PH.D.
JEFFREY C. WOOD, PSY.D.
I looked up this authors website, and they list BPD and NPD as being practically the same. Good God, people like the author just think people with both of these illnesses are beyond hope and help and forgiveness.
Bpd is new to me (the name, not my behavior) I’m also bipolar. Hearing upsetting stuff about myself isn’t new to me but reading this book was really gut wrenching and I really picked myself apart and became depressed because is this what people really think about me?? The people around me tell me I have the biggest heart and say nice things even tho I have episodes. This book made me feel like there’s not a possibility that anyone ever could be happy around me. I wish I could unread this. Also I picked this up with my SO in mind. We have very similar mental health. Tho some of it sounded like the author was living in my house, it was all very exaggerated. And I’ll love my bf through it all as he does with me. Because we’re both very much deserving of love. So are you.
This book literally does the exact opposite. It shows BPD as a disease not a personality. It emphasizes compassion for those with BPD (and those with both BPD and NPD). He cites MANY studies as well as has conducted a lot of interviews with people dealing with BPD or those who love someone with BPD. Unfortunately, while people can recover from BPD most people who suffer from it don’t want to recover because it is very very hard to lose your entire self in order to get better. Moreover this book seems unfair to some because it has compassion for those with BPD as well as those who love someone with BPD and that can be hard.
To those who understand, no explanation is necessary; to those who don’t none will suffice
Shanon, if I may offer my point of view(take it with a grain of salt). I understand where you are coming from, but I feel as though that was not the intention. I was suggested this book many times from professionals & other readers as a tool. I have a mother who struggles with BPD. This does not make me view her as any less, but it has affected me greatly growing as a person. Growing up, her struggles with BPD took a large toll on our relationship. As a child I did not understand why one day my mother hated me & the next was obsessed with me. Her mood swings, long depressive episodes, manic episodes, and other things she struggled with came out on me. It was only me & her & for many many years I did not understand why she was the way she was, and I blamed myself. As I grew older & things got worse, I came to learn about her disorder. I tried and tried to learn how to help her, but also to help myself as I had gotten in a very bad place. I wanted to be able to understand her & learn how to help her. And so I found this book. After much research I was not getting the results I wanted, only some doctors using big words not coming from experience. This book has helped me to understand her much better, her emotions, actions, and thoughts. So as I understand how you must have felt (I am very sorry for that), I believe this book is not so terrible. Yes, your ex should have probably considered how seeing that may make you feel. That is why I hide my books so she never has to feel that way. Kindest regards!
Well done Jayden! The behaviors of NPD and BPD will over lap. NPD was initially thought of as a male disorder while BPD a female disorder. This is no longer the case. Males with BPD are identified in Rehab and prison (see Dr John Gunderson on YouTube interviews). Substance abuse is very high among these individuals. This is due to impulsivity and soothing child hood trauma. I have dealt with this in my own family and was taught by professionals that treat it. I asked said professionals, “Can they be helped?” I was told in some cases yes and in others no. It depends on if the individual truly desires to put forth the effort. Some BPD’s seek out therapist because they can’t understand why their relationships end up failing. The therapist is aware of what they are dealing with once the individual mentions relationship issues. If you are interested in how the scenario plays out in therapy I HIGHLY recommend Irvin Yalom’s book Lying on the Couch. It’s a work of fiction but Dr Yalom is using actual scenarios from his time practicing. All of Yalom’s books are fantastic
Let me offer up something interesting and cool about BPD. This will help me end on a positive note and give you all something to pay attention too. People with BPD can be very smart and artistically gifted. My guess is some of your favorite popular music was written by someone that has it. To me Cheryl Crowe’s song “Are you strong enough to be my man” is THE best description of how the person feels that has it. Read the lyrics as you listen”tears of rage I cannot hide”. “Please don’t leave me!” Stevie Nicks has written some killer songs because of her up and down relationships. If you ever get a chance to visit a rehab just look for the artwork. It’s there. Notice many of the kids that attend very expensive Universities (Liberal Arts) have BPD and they are intelligent people that have contributed to society. It’s not all doom and gloom
Well it shows you read only the beginning, as it starts with explanations on what BPD and narcissism is and how a lot of people have both, but no, eventually gives parents the tools to help their children and not give up, but also how to leave if the adult children refuse to help themselves and start acusing them in court, tells spouses and boyfriends/girlfriends how to hang on if they want to stay but also tells them if the BPD person is unwilling to work together that statistics show it will fail, but if they recognize and seek help most people will have a good relationship, I find it very balanced if you read it completely, but of course it's pretty obvious a person with bpd might find this as an attack instead of understanding that is a way of his partner of saying I'm having trouble coping with this but I really need help on how to help you so we can both get our needs met
Yeah everything you did here, from the snooping to the overreacting to the making noise on social media is textbook BPD
"my ex murdered my pets" is the spot on definition of what a borderline would say. No idea if this book is good but your review made me want to read it.
*If you're trolling, you've done a great job, hat's off
I am about 2/3s the way through this book currently, and the closest is get to saying BPD people aren't worth loving is to not let people you love abuse you or your children, reguardless of whether or not they are sick. Other than that, the entire book has been about living with, loving, and supporting someone with BPD and/or NPD *and* taking care of yourself. In other words, it's a book about how to have and maintain boundaries with a loved one that disreguards them frequently. If you actually read through the book and took it that to mean "abandon your loved ones", then you would probably benefit from seeking help for both your sake and for those who love you.
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Kim
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Sep 14, 2011 11:01PM
Just curious why he is your ex, if you don't mind my asking.
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The man turned out to be genuinely and certifiably psychotic (as in, murdering my pets to punish me for hurting his feelings) as well as abusive within the relationship. Having found out that he dated at least one other girl who suspected she was BPD, and was also abusive toward her... I'm actually tempted to suspect that he uses the book for a manual on how to understand and manipulate/control them within a relationship by playing on insecurities and fear of abandonment.
Luckily I got out pretty quickly. I think the relationship lasted 6 months, and within less than a year I was moved out of state where he couldn't find me again.
There really is nothing you can do..even setting healthy boundaries is a trigger for someone with BPD. I know this all too well. There has to be some of help for non-bpd's. believe me I would be the first to sign up!
Bukk wrote: "Is this an "ironic" review?"No. This is a horrible book that treats the person with BPD as an enemy rather than someone who deserves love and support.
Do you have any suggestions for a book that is positive and gives support instead? I really don't want to read this if it is going to sound like you said and tell me to "get out while you can"I've been dealing with my husband for 12 years and he seems to be a high functioning BPD and I'd like to read something to understand how I'm feeling, but AT&T he same time help him.
Amy, I haven't found any written from the more supportive approach but I didn't look at many others. I self diagnosed as BPD (because I saw Girl, Interrupted and at time believed it explained all my problems) when I was really just a high strung 20-something who didn't know how to deal with adulthood. If your husband has a therapist you should be able to ask them for recommendations. I do know there are some counseling services that will also work with you in finding options as well, but no idea how that runs on pricing.
I will be skipping this book, thanks for the warning. I am currently reading I Hate You, Don't Leave Me to gain deeper insight into my own struggles with BPD. So far it seems to encourage a positive approach.
Living with someone with BPD is a burden.
Living with someone with BPD is difficult this book supports people who are trying to do that. it does not mean that the person with BPD is not loved but the loved ones need support and assistance.
Michelle wrote: "Living with someone with BPD is difficult this book supports people who are trying to do that. it does not mean that the person with BPD is not loved but the loved ones need support and assistance."This is true, and I understand that... I would have appreciated the book if it had been presented that way, but in all truth it tells the reader over and over that their BPD loved one is not worth supporting or loving, telling them at every turn that attempting to remain close and supportive will only destroy them in the end.
Shanon wrote: "Michelle wrote: "Living with someone with BPD is difficult this book supports people who are trying to do that. it does not mean that the person with BPD is not loved but the loved ones need suppor..."With respect, I just did not read it that way. When a person has a loved one with BPD it is difficult and isolating this book just helped to understand the need to disengage. I did not read it as saying the BPD loved one is not worth the investment.
BPD is as highly sensitive a subject to discuss as is to experience with a family member or loved one. A couple of women I know with it make the claim that they are bipolar instead of this particular label. I felt this book did offer some understanding and effective tips on bettering a relationship with a BPD
You mention that your experience with BPD comes from a movie and that you do not identify with being BPD. Have you ever experienced being close to a loved one with BPD?
So... im reading reviews... and honestly if you are dating someone diagnosed with BPD, AND they are unaware and unwilling to work on the difficulties they have with emotion regulation, distress tolerance and interpersonal relationships. LEAVE. They will eventually destroy your mental health. If you have a child diagnosed with BPD... its a whole different story... its a hard road and its exhausting a rollercoaster. New research shows that the brains of people with BPD experience all emotions more intensely than the rest of the us. Its no picnic for the aware person with BPD. Most who are committed to being different struggle dailyI hope you all find what u are looking for <3
As someone who has had first hand experience with someone with BPD, they are a burden. They can do incredible damage to all the other relationships and destroy and entire family. This book literally saved my immediate family and I can't disagree with you more. Ironically, your reaction is exactly what I would expect from someone with red flags (that's all you probably have as you say you self diagnosed, you don't really know if you are BPD).
I have borderline personality disorder and major depressive disorder. I sincerely do not mean to cause angst by my forthcoming comment, but this reviewer sounds like someone who has not had adequate treatment for her own BPD and is shifting blame to others. I'm obviously making huge assumptions, and I acknowledge this and the limitations therein. But this is such a classic borderline response. It moves right to accusation of others. I would disregard this reviewers comments. This is a very good book for loved ones. If my exes would speak to me (disclosure - they don't and I certainly (no longer) blame them - I believe this book would bring them clarity and solace. They weren't (to the best of my knowledge) the mentally ill ones. I certainly was. I couldn't realize it at the time but goddamn that hindsight . . .And BPD is a burden to others. There is no disputing that. It's also an immense burden to the patient.
Just to throw this out there, BPD is very treatable. Lots of people seem to buy into the myth that it is not. No mental illness is easy to overcome, but with BPD lots of people are now leading very healthy and normal lives because of DBT therapy. I would suggest reading up on DBT if you really want to understand someone with BPD and how to help them. BPD is no more a burden to anyone than any other chronic illness and it shouldn't be treated as such. Treating anyone as a burden will obviously hinder their success. Can it be difficult for loved ones at times? Of course, and they should receive adequate support but this book has come under fire many, many times for its outdated information and views.
that may be your "victim" trigger going off on you. i read the book and found it was all about effectively letting the person with BPD keep acting out, just don't take it personally when they do...
Adam wrote: "that may be your "victim" trigger going off on you. i read the book and found it was all about effectively letting the person with BPD keep acting out, just don't take it personally when they do..."You may be right about a "victim" trigger, but not for the reasons you think. Back then, I had *decided* that I was BPD, based on liking a movie where the main character had the diagnosis. The symptoms and traits fit, especially if you looked at them and wanted them to, you know? In all reality, I was an angsty 20-something and had no idea how to live like an adult (still working on figuring that one out).
The victim part comes in when you take into account the fact that I was at the time dating a man who specifically targeted women who either had or believed that they had BPD, depression, and other difficulties. He was psychotic (killing my pets to punish me for not answering my phone when he called, among many worse things). This book was his primer on how to manipulate women who believed they had these issues, and this particular one being delivered from the perspective that the BPD person may not be worth love and support.
These days, I don't blame the book so much as the psycho who saw between the lines and used it to take advantage of women. I'm debating taking down the review, as my ire was primarily for the psycho, but I still feel that it was written from a negative perspective so I haven't made up my mind yet.
Very useful discussion. I hope you don't take it down.
Agreed Anthony. Living with someone with BPD is really difficult/a burden, even when you love them and believe they are worthy. This book really helps understand the disorder. It is aimed at a readership of people who have somebody in their life who has BPD (and not aimed at a readership of people with BPD). For people who are struggling coping with the behaviours of somebody with BPD, it is a really helpful book. And I did not think it was judgmental. It does acknowledge the difficulty of living with a BPD, a difficulty that is real.
I understand the concern you have. A narcissist or similar BPD could read this and use it to recognize your coping strategies and manipulate or gaslight you with even greater precision (when they're already pretty good at it).
I disagree. I read the book and it was very supportive to those who stay with someone with bpd and for parents and children. In fact, I felt at times i felt that I had to justify my leaving my husband over it. It gave me a lot of insight that might have helped if I read it 20 years ago. Maybe I and my children would have been spared years of verbal abuse and the resulting anxiety.
I agree. I bought this book because my daughter has BPD and I am just really glad she didn't read it. I love my daughter. I was looking for ways to better understand her and be supportive., not this.
I completely disagree with this review. I feel this book gives great insight into the mind of someone with Bpd and reading it out loud to my Bpd SO has been a great experience. As others said this review sounds like someone with BPD shifting the blame on others.
Did we read the same book? This book gave great pointers on how to live with someone with BPD and offered real life perspective of BPDs too.
To the OP after reading your review and comment. It seems that because you appeared to watch Girl Interrupted (the movie I believe you referenced) you self diagnosed. It seems you were upset at your boyfriend at the time of writing the review. Perhaps an updated review and or reread of the book is needed. I have BPD and am currently in DBT therapy. My mother and sister have BPD. I grew up with most of their symptoms and abuse directed at me. The first part of this book was very judgmental. I keep looking for some kind of advise that didn’t shout to the non bp in the relationship “Get Out!” Because I couldn’t get out. The second part explains how to love and work with the BPD person. I’m still working my way through it but the techniques are helpful.
As someone who has been diagnosed with BPD I thought this book was very helpful to the person with the disorder as well. I related to it and it makes me want to try hard not to be that person and to see things from the opposite point of view. I really found it useful and want my non bp boyfriend to read it as well.
this book is very stigmatizing im so glad more books exist now in 2021 than did when I was 28 and diagnosed in 2007.
It may not be valuable to you, but as a mother wish someone with BPD, it is eye opening and makes me feel as if I'm not alone. It is so very very hard and exhausting trying to maintain a healthy relationship with someone with BPD. I will even go so far as to say it is udderly exhausting and all consuming.
Thank you for perfectly proving the author's point.
THE DIALECTICAL BEHAVIOR THERAPY DIARYmonitoring your emotional
regulation day by day
MATTHEW MCKAY, PH.D.
JEFFREY C. WOOD, PSY.D.
I looked up this authors website, and they list BPD and NPD as being practically the same. Good God, people like the author just think people with both of these illnesses are beyond hope and help and forgiveness.
Bpd is new to me (the name, not my behavior) I’m also bipolar. Hearing upsetting stuff about myself isn’t new to me but reading this book was really gut wrenching and I really picked myself apart and became depressed because is this what people really think about me?? The people around me tell me I have the biggest heart and say nice things even tho I have episodes. This book made me feel like there’s not a possibility that anyone ever could be happy around me. I wish I could unread this. Also I picked this up with my SO in mind. We have very similar mental health. Tho some of it sounded like the author was living in my house, it was all very exaggerated. And I’ll love my bf through it all as he does with me. Because we’re both very much deserving of love. So are you.
This book literally does the exact opposite. It shows BPD as a disease not a personality. It emphasizes compassion for those with BPD (and those with both BPD and NPD). He cites MANY studies as well as has conducted a lot of interviews with people dealing with BPD or those who love someone with BPD. Unfortunately, while people can recover from BPD most people who suffer from it don’t want to recover because it is very very hard to lose your entire self in order to get better. Moreover this book seems unfair to some because it has compassion for those with BPD as well as those who love someone with BPD and that can be hard.
To those who understand, no explanation is necessary; to those who don’t none will suffice
Shanon, if I may offer my point of view(take it with a grain of salt). I understand where you are coming from, but I feel as though that was not the intention. I was suggested this book many times from professionals & other readers as a tool. I have a mother who struggles with BPD. This does not make me view her as any less, but it has affected me greatly growing as a person. Growing up, her struggles with BPD took a large toll on our relationship. As a child I did not understand why one day my mother hated me & the next was obsessed with me. Her mood swings, long depressive episodes, manic episodes, and other things she struggled with came out on me. It was only me & her & for many many years I did not understand why she was the way she was, and I blamed myself. As I grew older & things got worse, I came to learn about her disorder. I tried and tried to learn how to help her, but also to help myself as I had gotten in a very bad place. I wanted to be able to understand her & learn how to help her. And so I found this book. After much research I was not getting the results I wanted, only some doctors using big words not coming from experience. This book has helped me to understand her much better, her emotions, actions, and thoughts. So as I understand how you must have felt (I am very sorry for that), I believe this book is not so terrible. Yes, your ex should have probably considered how seeing that may make you feel. That is why I hide my books so she never has to feel that way. Kindest regards!
Well done Jayden! The behaviors of NPD and BPD will over lap. NPD was initially thought of as a male disorder while BPD a female disorder. This is no longer the case. Males with BPD are identified in Rehab and prison (see Dr John Gunderson on YouTube interviews). Substance abuse is very high among these individuals. This is due to impulsivity and soothing child hood trauma. I have dealt with this in my own family and was taught by professionals that treat it. I asked said professionals, “Can they be helped?” I was told in some cases yes and in others no. It depends on if the individual truly desires to put forth the effort. Some BPD’s seek out therapist because they can’t understand why their relationships end up failing. The therapist is aware of what they are dealing with once the individual mentions relationship issues. If you are interested in how the scenario plays out in therapy I HIGHLY recommend Irvin Yalom’s book Lying on the Couch. It’s a work of fiction but Dr Yalom is using actual scenarios from his time practicing. All of Yalom’s books are fantastic
Let me offer up something interesting and cool about BPD. This will help me end on a positive note and give you all something to pay attention too. People with BPD can be very smart and artistically gifted. My guess is some of your favorite popular music was written by someone that has it. To me Cheryl Crowe’s song “Are you strong enough to be my man” is THE best description of how the person feels that has it. Read the lyrics as you listen”tears of rage I cannot hide”. “Please don’t leave me!” Stevie Nicks has written some killer songs because of her up and down relationships. If you ever get a chance to visit a rehab just look for the artwork. It’s there. Notice many of the kids that attend very expensive Universities (Liberal Arts) have BPD and they are intelligent people that have contributed to society. It’s not all doom and gloom
Well it shows you read only the beginning, as it starts with explanations on what BPD and narcissism is and how a lot of people have both, but no, eventually gives parents the tools to help their children and not give up, but also how to leave if the adult children refuse to help themselves and start acusing them in court, tells spouses and boyfriends/girlfriends how to hang on if they want to stay but also tells them if the BPD person is unwilling to work together that statistics show it will fail, but if they recognize and seek help most people will have a good relationship, I find it very balanced if you read it completely, but of course it's pretty obvious a person with bpd might find this as an attack instead of understanding that is a way of his partner of saying I'm having trouble coping with this but I really need help on how to help you so we can both get our needs met
Yeah everything you did here, from the snooping to the overreacting to the making noise on social media is textbook BPD
"my ex murdered my pets" is the spot on definition of what a borderline would say. No idea if this book is good but your review made me want to read it. *If you're trolling, you've done a great job, hat's off
I am about 2/3s the way through this book currently, and the closest is get to saying BPD people aren't worth loving is to not let people you love abuse you or your children, reguardless of whether or not they are sick. Other than that, the entire book has been about living with, loving, and supporting someone with BPD and/or NPD *and* taking care of yourself. In other words, it's a book about how to have and maintain boundaries with a loved one that disreguards them frequently. If you actually read through the book and took it that to mean "abandon your loved ones", then you would probably benefit from seeking help for both your sake and for those who love you.
