Alexis’s review of Box Hill > Likes and Comments

End of review. Fuck me.

In speaking of his father, Colin writes:

He didn’t decide to die, exactly, but he was determined to get his dying in first, to stay safe and not face life without [his wife]. Never mind that from that day on he did something worse, before he widowed her.

By contrast, Colin accepts the pain of the “left behind” - a pain made all the more intense because the non-normative nature of his relationship with Ray, means he is fully shut out of any possible closure.

There is an elegiac quality to Box Hill that I personally found intensely moving. Ray’s distance and wordlessness and recklessness--his powerful charisma--reflect an expression of identity only possible pre-AIDS. It is hard not to mourn that a little, even if we wouldn’t, and shouldn’t, go back to it. So yes. I’m not saying I didn’t get anything out of Pillion--Harry Melling is a fucking revelation and Alexander Skarsgård’s dick is very pretty, assuming it was his dick, let’s say it was, also check it out, I looked up their names--but I found the experience confusing and conflicting. Box Hill, though. Box Hill is beautiful. Dark and tender, and complicated and unique. And so resolutely, defiantly queer it actually makes the movie seem oddly tame in comparison.

Ray was good to me – he was. He even kept the promise he made, without using words, the night we met. He didn’t fuck anyone else in those six years. Fucking meaning actually fucking. You could say he was faithful, and he was good to me. But I could never have loved someone who was only ever good to me. That was true before I met him and it’s still true now.

Thanks

Sophie wrote: "Thanks"

Er, my pleasure?

What an amazing review. Really really amazing. Now I have to both read the book and watch the movie. THANK YOU!!!

Thank you for such a deep dive. It has helped me crystallise my own thoughts/reactions to both book and film. Which were complex and in the case of the book, unresolved.
And yes, Harry Melling is extraordinary. I had not seen him prior to this and found his performance utterly beguiling.
A final note: if you think about it, Murderbot and Ray are surprisingly similar characters!

Anne wrote: "Thank you for such a deep dive. It has helped me crystallise my own thoughts/reactions to both book and film. Which were complex and in the case of the book, unresolved.
And yes, Harry Melling is e..."

Oh wow, I find it interesting you found the book harder to resolve than the film because I found the book much more coherent. The film left me with a lot of questions I wasn't wholly sure it wanted to have left me with.

Personally, I find Murderbot a lot more sympathetic than Ray. Ray clearly doesn't appreciate premium quality entertainment.

KSena wrote: "What an amazing review. Really really amazing. Now I have to both read the book and watch the movie. THANK YOU!!!"

Thank you for reading. The review is almost longer than the book ;)

I also had to read Box Hill after watching Pillion but I felt the artistic gap more rewarding than you did (I think, or I'm assuming from what you said in the review - not saying that you didn't find it rewarding). I read some reviews of the book before actually reading the book which left more confused bc I didn't know if the reviewers understood enough to comment. I found the book (when I finally read it) very good and funny (in a pithy way) and I could see how Pillion was an adaptation but a different beast altogether. I have to say that I wasn't so concerned whether the relationship was abusive or not (bc like yeah, if you think about it for a little while, it was, cleatly) but more about what it said about the different characters. Like in the book, there is no bdsm community but it does feel like Dudley has more say and is more equal. By contrast, the movie which sets up a bdsm community with everything that that entails, Murderbot is a lot less communicative in a way that is a no no in bdsm, like yes, Dudley is not alone and can literally talk with the other sub (s?) so they can exchange tips but anyone else would say mmm this is not good. Also putting all of that aside, I find the scene in the movie with the mom the most arresting and well acted and uncomfortable scene of them all. Anyways, thank you for the review, I found it very interesting and good to know that I was not the only one that was like mmm I wonder how the book compares!

Thesincouch wrote: "I also had to read Box Hill after watching Pillion but I felt the artistic gap more rewarding than you did (I think, or I'm assuming from what you said in the review - not saying that you didn't fi..."

Yes, for the record, I don't think an adaption has to reflect the source material exactly - but I do think, for me, the book has an emotional and thematic coherence the film lacks. I did really enjoy the portrayal of the leather community in the film: I thought it was sincerely lovely and felt, to me, authentic (not that I have grounds on which to make that claim - it's not my community).

I agree that Dudley having people around to model healthy relationships with negotiated boundaries was meaningful, and there was something that felt empowering in that information being sort of passed from sub to sub, but it also just made Ray/Murderbot look extra fucking bad. Because everyone else around him is practicing community-centring lifestyle RACK and he's ... uh ... a dick? And that goes to complicated places about, like, even positive BDSM communities sheltering abusers and urgh.

I also found the confrontation with the mum really fascinating. But I think the questions is was asking (like why did it instantly code abusive when Dudley fills Murderbot's water glass, when, within the patriarchal framework, of a het relationship, a woman might do that for her husband as standard) would have, ironically, retained more nuance had Murderbot not been such an awful person & awful dom.

Alexis wrote: "Thesincouch wrote: "I also had to read Box Hill after watching Pillion but I felt the artistic gap more rewarding than you did (I think, or I'm assuming from what you said in the review - not sayin..."

Agreed. Agreed. Re: the mom and the patriarchal framework, to me more than her seeing him being subserviant it was her seeing him behave out of character, plus the fact that Ray didn't acknowledge, thank him at all for doing that. Because I agree that yeah, it doesn't look good when he is a dom and asshole and abusive. I thought the contrast was very interesting, because that might be a part of that his mom never saw of him. And I really liked the tension between this relationship being abusive but also a relationship that opened his eyes to things that he does like. I did really like that it was not an easy movie, or that tried to make it easy for the viewer. No easy answers here.

I also wanted to comment that I found the moment when Ray looks completely vulnerable before disappearing to be very moving because it made me think that he had real feelings for Dudley that he couldn't handle if it wasn't through control or by disappearing. I really liked that they didn't make him a complete villain but a person that was struggling and making bad (and harmful) decisions because of it.

Also I really appreciate your opinions and I'm not disagreeing with you or questioning you (I don't know if my writing makes that clear so I wanted to make it clear).

thanks for this review, i really liked the movie but was conflicted about the book, this made me want to re-read

Isaac wrote: "thanks for this review, i really liked the movie but was conflicted about the book, this made me want to re-read"

I'm starting to feel other people felt way more positively about the movie than I did (carnal thoughts about Harry Melling aside) - which is super interesting to me.

oooh I knew of the movie but have never gotten around to actually watching it and I’m only just now finding out it’s based on a book—which sounds markedly more interesting… thanks for the rec!! <3

Castiel wrote: "oooh I knew of the movie but have never gotten around to actually watching it and I’m only just now finding out it’s based on a book—which sounds markedly more interesting… thanks for the rec!! <3"

I mean, from these comments alone, it seems like opinions are fairly split re book versus movie. But hope you find something interesting at least!

Weirdly I could not read the new comments, while travelling. I got to know the film, by women at the BBC and festival clips being completely enthusiastic about the film. There was something of the fifty shades of grey wave about the reactions I heard and saw, which made me wary, of the film.

Sophie wrote: "Weirdly I could not read the new comments, while travelling. I got to know the film, by women at the BBC and festival clips being completely enthusiastic about the film. There was something of the ..."

The film is ... complicated. I do think it attempts a more authentic portrayal of, you know, the leather scene than 50 does BDSM. In fact, it's portrayal of the scene was one of my favourite parts of the film and the sex scenes, in general, seem to be handled with a sensitive degree of directness. It was just the dynamic of the central relationships & what the film was wanting the watcher to take away from it that left me questioning.

I saw murderbot on Stephen Colbert promoting this, and was immediately torn between "this will be too heart wrenching" and "I must immediately consume this in all its forms". Came on here just hoping to find someone who could speak about the nuance of queer and kink without throwing the baby out with the bathwater, and my god, did you deliver. I expect to be emotionally wrecked anyway, but I'm gonna give it a go, so thank you.

Sandra wrote: "I saw murderbot on Stephen Colbert promoting this, and was immediately torn between "this will be too heart wrenching" and "I must immediately consume this in all its forms". Came on here just hopi..."

So glad it was helpful! Yay!