Neville’s review of Tastes Like War > Likes and Comments

I feel a lot of joy that you have spoken out and have not been silenced - I know that this is difficult, but this too shall pass......

Damn. It's so easy to look into whether or not Tastes Like War is a fake memoir.

For instance, many facts could be quickly verified by basic research of the census online, as well as general facts about history. In addition, there are inconsistencies in her factual statements in her online interviews vs. the book. It's also possible to check the records for whether or not her father was in the military, assess medical and financial records from our family as well as past doctors etc. It would be very easy to check the accounts of her family who were actually involved in taking care of Grandma.

There are so many additional ways to verify if Tastes Like War is true, it's actually kind of funny.

(continued from above) Also, this "memoir" is so insulting to real trauma, sexual assault, and domestic abuse survivors. There are enough people already who are suffering from real traumas. We don't need another book with innuendos about this that is marketed as nonfiction, but is really fiction.

It's insulting to the disabled/mentally ill who don't necessarily want to tell their own stories. Who calls their own mother and our grandma "burdensome”, “diminished”, “crazy”, “horrifying”, “three separate mothers” etc in their memoir when she explicitly did not want to be written about in real life. Grandma was always very upset and protested when interrogated by Grace for her sociological "research".

There needs to be better regulations regarding this, as well as a a better vetting system for literary publication/more openness regarding investigations of academic misconduct.

It is insulting to readers who may not be savvy enough to see through literary lies on first glance.

I’m copying my wife Erin’s comment on another reader’s comment. It is too relevant for it to be censored.

message 9: by Erin - rated it 1 star 1 hour, 36 min ago
Erin Cho Excellent comparison to American Dirt and Roth - and it is almost criminal the way the publishing industry does not vet memoirs and instead pushes legal and financial responsibility on to authors. It's a maneuver that plays poorly for the common reader. Most new authors don't have the funds to reimburse for their wrongs, and most established authors are too smart to do what Grace has done.

On a personal level -

It is very, very wrong that Grace told a story that K emphatically did not want told. She also got the story all wrong. I knew K's story - K told it to me, as she wanted and in the way she wanted, during the thousands of hours that we talked on every subject under the sun, including her personal history. She did not want her story told to the world. She only told it to me if she thought it would help the family, providing good moral lessons or cautionary tales.

K was crystal clear to us and to Grace on that point of personal ownership of her thoughts and her life story. She was devastated by Grace's questions and Grace's intentions. K's doctor had said to not try to unravel her past, asking questions that would merely bring up trauma to someone who was very clear that she never wanted to talk about her early years, but rather to listen deeply when she spoke. We abided by K's wishes and by professional advice.

Did Grace ever consider that her questions might have contributed to the physical and mental disturbances her mother experienced in her final months? Did she ever think that forcefully revisiting trauma with someone with a history of suicide could be deadly?

We thought of all that, and we begged her to let her mother be.

But it seems that Grace never considered her mom - in life or in death - as anything more than how she portrays her in the book. Too often an object. A body to be visited with trauma. She described K in such ableist terms that it is obvious to me that Grace might have even considered her as less than human. She was more than willing to make K into a "research subject". Grace was happy to plow ahead when her mother, her brother and I begged her to stop her interrogations. She bullied and threatened me when we challenged her in 2007 - so I stopped talking to her. She was too dangerous and mean, I told my husband. I was drawing a line. And clearly my intuition was spot-on.

Yes, I am going where you think I am going, Grace. I am even raising an eyebrow at your repeated depiction of your mother's death as "mysterious." I can't tell you how sorry and sick to my stomach I am to have to walk towards that truth. But it is a truth that now beckons us all.

I am getting very, very tired of all this hubris and deception and childish tweeting and blocking. I know how to fight the power, but really didn't want to spend my time doing it in this case. So much misery to recount, so much real blame to reveal.

But I know when I have hit a machine - in this case a piece of the publishing industry and certain sociologists in academia pursuing certain ends or even just protecting friends at all costs - and the part of me that was raised by ordinary people who, often at great personal cost, spent their lives doing the right thing and fighting for good, is almost ready to stand up tall. I will have no choice. If you think I have been fighting thus far, Grace, Soojin, and all the other minions, you are wrong. I've been pulling punches.

But the stakes are too high.

We are talking about a human life here. We have now a book, canonized by the powers-that-be, that is ableist and hurts other lives through its horrific generalizations of the struggles of the human mind.

I loved K dearly and I cared for her like I would my own mother for over a decade. We were very, very close and I know that she would be furious at me if I didn't at least try to right Grace's wrongs.

K deserved to have her story told ONLY if she wanted and ONLY as she wished. She was a very private person. My family deserved the same - we are very private. Grace exploited her mother and she exploited out family - as yourself, reader, how what you feel in my shoes? How would you react?

This book is a work of fiction - read it and enjoy it that way if you want. But, personally, I find no lesson in it other than the bottomless depth of a daughter's betrayal.

I'm going to put this in my review comments section - no doubt Soojin will erase it and silence me as soon as she sees the truth.

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Grace stands by the truth of her work, every word. And I stand by Grace.

I’m Grace’s partner, Patrick. I’ve been with Grace since about 8 months after her mom’s death in 2008. That means I’ve been by her side as she has spent years processing this grief through her work, confronting all kinds of uncomfortable truths. She has been fearless and meticulous.

Grace and her longtime friends described to me how, since the very beginning of her writing, Grace’s brother and his wife have tried to bully her to prevent her from pursuing her work. They’ve tried to gaslight her about her own past. They turned their children against her. Now I’m seeing it for myself, and it’s ugly.

I understand that these are painful truths for her family to face, but the response is absolutely inexcusable. They are lying, plain and simple. They can repeat these lies as often as forcefully as they like, but they remain, in fact, lies.

Grace has set out to honor her mother’s memory through her work. Her family’s actions do the opposite.

P - pasting what I wrote on my own review in your response to your comment so that it is visible here. I'm a full adult btw, not a kid.

message 8: by Bella - added it 5 minutes ago
Bella M. P, you’re wrong and I feel bad for the position you are in as her boyfriend/husband. Literally, just look at all of the facts. Her father was not in the service (that can be proven), she made up fake statistics in her book to make herself more of a victim, there are medical and financial records from her mom’s care, and none of K’s doctors would ever corroborate that Grace was ever present, etc etc etc

What Grace has done is really really wrong on so many levels. It’s also wrong to you that she continues to lie and make up so many false statements, dragging you into this tangle.

I am one of my mom and dad’s kids so do NOT speak for me. I can speak for myself. I have never even met you and have no idea who you are.

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message 9: by Bella - added it 3 minutes ago
Bella M. Stop commenting if you have nothing to say but BS. This is actually infuriating. Do NOT tell me about my own life. I can speak for myself and can attest that my grandfather never sexually exposed himself to me, which Grace made up in the book. Seriously, be quiet. This is actually infuriating and you have no facts to back up anything you are saying.

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message 10: by Bella - added it 3 minutes ago
Bella M. Like seriously, STOP

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P.S. You should be mad at Grace for putting you out as a shield for her lies when you know nothing about our family and only came into her life after Grandma died. I would be furious if I were you - this whole situation is really sad.

Patrick, in what part of my review am I lying? And how would you know anything about my life and that of my parents? You just admitted you came into Grace’s life well after my mom’s death, so in other words, you literally have no idea whether any of Grace’s story is truthful. She doesn’t have long time friends who can verify anything because your partner was completely absent in my parents’ care. She did ZERO. That fact is irrefutable and easily provable. Finally, I’ve never ever said anything negative about my sister to my children and certainly haven’t encouraged them to get involved here. They formed their impressions about her completely on their own.

You’re way out of your depth here, Patrick, and I’m sorry for the pain it’s caused you.

You can repeat these lies as often as forcefully as you like, but they remain, in fact, lies.

Grace has set out to honor her mother’s memory through her work. Her family’s actions do the opposite.

Again, point out what you believe are my lies, please.

I’m willing to state everything I’ve said in a court of law. Are you - a person with ZERO real knowledge - willing to do the same?

That's right, I'm not addressing individual claims, because you would merely deny deny. I'm making a statement. What Grace wrote is true. These attacks are false and meant to try and hurt her and her family.

You can't address any individual claims? I'd like to hear them - I'm very curious. Please list every single one in writing with clear proof of why it is true.

I am especially interested in seeing the ones that encompass the time where you were never in Grace's life or ours.

Oh wait, that's the entire book...

Please state all of your claims here. Thank you.

I can cut and paste too, Patrick.

message 10: by Erin (new) - rated it 1 star 35 minutes ago
Erin Cho No.
Grace wrote lies.
Her father was not in the service. Prove it.
Grace and her family were not the “only three” Koreans in Chehalis.
Prove otherwise.
K was not the “first immigrant” that people in Chehalis had seen in “decades”.
Prove otherwise.
Not a single friend of Grace’s - other than Jenny, once in 2001 and very briefly to K’s dismay - ever visited. Grace never brought a single friend or colleague to visit.
Prove otherwise.
Grace’s father never beat her mother.
Prove otherwise.
Grace exploited her mother and publicly exposed her against her wishes.
Prove otherwise.
K was not a recluse. She went out at least once a week with me for doctor’s appts and errands.
Prove otherwise.
K did not lie, curled on her bed, alone in her apartment with the shades drawn.
Prove otherwise.
Grace and her brother have the same father on their birth certificates.
Prove otherwise.
Grace cooked less than one percent of her mother’s meals.
Prove otherwise.
Grace refused to help care for her mother even when I begged.
Prove otherwise.
I gave up my PhD to care for K.
Prove otherwise.
We never took a family vacation bc Grace wouldn’t provide respite care.
Prove otherwise.

Oh my.

I could go on and on and on.

You have accused us of lying.

That is very, very serious.

I hope that you have proof and many witnesses. That’s what you will need. But you were never there. You are only going off what you have been told. Hearsay, I believe it’s called.

You have no proof. I’m genuinely sorry that you feel backed into a corner and have come out flailing.

As for my children, all adults, stop thinking that I would ever be able to tell them who to like. That’s not who I am and not who they are - they are all refreshingly independent thinkers as any fool can tell from their tweets. You don’t know them. You have no idea what Pandora’s box you have opened by saying that my adult children would love Grace and her actions had they not been turned against her.

You are the one trying to gaslight. It won’t work.

I don’t care what Grace told you. She’s been lying her whole life. About a lot. In fact, that was the main warning her mother always gave me about her -

Grace lies.

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P, If Grace’s book is firmly based in fact, you could easily, and in great detail, name and refute each lie. You’re not doing that because A) You have no experience with Grace’s mother or father. and B) The truth supports those people who DO have experience with Grace’s parents.

Erin Cho Hmmm....you aren't addressing the claims because you can't.

You can't fix lies with just denials.

You can't "address" the US Census.
You can't "address" US records that shows K's husband never served the military.
You can't "address" all the eyewitnesses to K's care that know that she was not the recluse that you describe.
You can't "address" the photo of K Halloween 2006 which shows a women who was clearly not the recluse, curled alone on the couch, that Grace described. She was handing out Halloween candy and looks extremely happy. Because she was! (Readers, please see the photos on the twitter thread)

Your statement that "what Grace wrote is true" because Grace "described" it to you means ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Your testimony is useless, your statement is garbage. It's like when people said that the January 6th protest was "totally peaceful" because that's what they "heard".

Prove to us that "what Grace wrote is true" - start by calling up the US government and explain that Grace in particular would like to correct their 1980 census to show only three Asians in Chehalis and, oh, also please say that no one there had seen a real, live immigrant for "decades". She's quoted all over the internet with those outlandish statements - anyone who has lived in the Northwest, including me, P (I lived in Portland as a child which I doubt Grace even registered) knows better.

Insisting that you are right and Grace is right because Grace said she is right and therefore Grace must be right reminds me of two-year-old logic. Really, there is no logic to your argument, and I guess Bella is right - just STOP.

"They turned their children against her."

Patrick, I find the implication that my sisters and I, adult women, are unable to think for ourselves incredibly belittling. No one should ever make that sort of suggestion to any woman.

That aside, my parents never uttered so much as a bad word about Grace to my sisters and me. They were determined not to let their own strained relationship with her affect ours. It was Grace’s hurtful lies that turned us against her. She self-destructed.

Of course you wouldn’t know any of this. You met my father perhaps once, you’ve never met my mother, and you certainly didn’t know my grandmother. You are clearly in no position to comment on this matter.

I recognize you’re in a difficult position, but please don’t make arguments you can’t support.

Hello Lucia, nice to hear from you, even under these circumstances. I always remembered you being a great friend to Grace and a good person.

We can debate the points you brought up and our differing perspectives - but here’s the reality - I was a good brother to Grace and supported her until 2007 when her insistence on making my mother a research project for her first book (eventually against her will - so much so that my mother asked me to cut Grace out of the will) irreparably strained our relationship. Of course you weren’t there for that and have no real knowledge of what my family went through except what Grace told you.

Erin’s memoir is effectively complete, and I’d be happy to send it to you if you can find a way to get me your contact info. I trust you to read it with an open mind. Perhaps you’ll then better understand our family’s adverse reaction to Grace’s “memoir”.

Grace has been lying her whole life. I have no desire to ever have any relationship with her, because her lies are so egregious and obscene. If she really cared, then she would have had the courtesy to run her so-called "memoir" by us. She didn't do that because a) its all lies and b) she literally doesn't care despite what she may be trying to portray publicly. She decided that exploiting her mother and family was the easiest way to advance her career since she evidently couldn't do anything of note with her life besides lie.

On my end, she put in a completely fake scene about my grandfather sexually exposing himself to me. That's wrong and someone who cared about their nieces wouldn't do that. Grace has always had countless stories about multiple sexual assaults or victimization stories about herself that literally change every time. She has a weird fetish with "trauma" as is evident by her academic research topics and the fact that she had to exploit her own family to do anything with her career. I find her insulting to real domestic and sexual assault victims.

This whole situation is really really bizarre. I actually don't have anything more to say about it on GoodReads.

I agree with my husband you were a good friend to Grace. Of course you have a different and valuable perspective. However, I also know that Grace wanted to live the “poor immigrant” story and was probably not comfortable letting even you know what a cushy life she had. I’m not sure that wearing thrift clothing proves anything - my girls and I do that as well.

That said, you may have been a peripheral witness but I’m sure my husband knows more about his parents and his home life than you do. As far as scenes of racism in the community - those are taking place all the time, even now, even in New England where I now live. Your recollections do nothing to counter Grace’s lies and exploitation.

I will also say that my husband has several friends who also spent quite a bit of time in the house in Chehalis - and their recollections of the home life there and of Grace sound nothing like yours. I guess you guys can duke out the details in Chehalis.

But it sounds, tellingly, that you are also not providing substantive support to Grace. You are doing what any lifelong friend might do - sort of a character statement that Grace is not as bad as she looks.

Grace’s academic research and her two books remain packed with lies, and you have said nothing that disputes our assertions. You have said nothing that answers Grace’s lies.

Her father was not in the service, her family not the only Asians in town, her mother not the first immigrant the town had seen in decades, her father did not beat her mother, her father did not sexually expose himself to my daughter, Grace never provided any real help in her mother’s care (even when I begged), Grace cooked less than one percent of her mother’s meals at the end of her mother’s life, Grace interrogated her mother against her will, the book is disgustingly ableist, her mother begged Grace not to write about her, I gave up my PhD and career to care for K….

Obviously the list goes on and on.

You are not qualified to talk about anything to do with K’s care. You visited her once in the over a decade that I took care of her. What I remember her telling me about that very short visit was that it was “very short” and that you guys then went to lunch without her.

For the record, I am not “writing a book” and did not sit down in mid-October of this year to write a book. I wrote a document in less than two weeks for legal purposes. I was so overwhelmed by the scope and extent of Grace’s lies that it became a sixty-three page single-spaced memo. I can see how it could become a book - especially given the fact that Grace’s book guts caregivers who sacrifice when other family members don’t step up and given that Grace exploited not only her vulnerable mother but our entire family. Oh, yes, there’s a really good book there, for sure! But….I am busy - I am working, I am caretaking and I’m not sure that I am mean enough to tell the world the truth about Grace.

You have done for Grace what I would likely be talked into doing for a childhood friend of mine in similar circumstances.

I can tell you are a nice person, and I wish you well.

But you have nothing of substance to contribute.

Lucia wrote: "Hey Neville, this is Lucia, aka “Jenny from Chehalis”. Sad to meet you again under these circumstances. I generally steer clear of conflicts over social media, they never seem to help anyone or eas..."


Grace’s mom was not “scary”. She probably hadn’t even “changed”. Likely, she had been silently suffering for a long, long time, because she knew what would happen, when she couldn’t “mainstream” anymore: She would be called “burdensome”, “diminished”, “crazy”, “horrifying”, “three separate mothers”, and “the living dead”. And, indeed, that’s what happened. You’re deluding yourself, if you’re convinced she would want to be depicted that way in a book.

And, I see you had NOTHING to say about the fact that Grace did not include Erin’s sacrifice of *her* PhD in “Tastes Like War”. In some ways, that’s the greatest failing of Grace’s “story”. She was up-front about most of her ableism. But, her refusal to elaborate on her mom’s MANY positive, reciprocal relationships scammed her readers in several ways:

exaggerating her mom’s disability and its effects, essentially blaming and stigmatizing her mom for domestic “problems” OTHER PEOPLE CAUSED

depicting post-traumatic life as grotesque, in need of “redemption”, and incapable of being improved

framing “quality” home health care as a successful exile-in-place for the disabled person, while minimizing how much care her mother ACTUALLY needed and received, how her family members sacrificed for her (Her brother passed up job opportunities and his wife gave up HER PhD and ALL of her career opportunities), and how full her life was (plenty of rest, fun times with her grandkids, as much time in town as she wanted) before Grace exploited her for “research”

Framing herself as an affectionate, conscientious, and enduring provider of meals and care, of which she “provided” less than 1%, and only AFTER proximity to her mother could be leveraged into shoddy sociological “research” against her mother’s will. “Tastes Like War” is, literally, the most egregious real-life example of academic misconduct I’ve seen. A plagiarist takes credit for other people’s (usually unremarkable) ideas. But, Grace took credit for an accomplishment (her mother’s safety and happiness) that cannot be separated from her brother and sister-in-law’s ENTIRE LIFE. There’s also a substantial possibility that she hastened her mother’s death. Being forced into ANY “research”, BS or not, may have been the proximate cause of her mother’s suicide. Designating a book written from so much fraud and injustice as “scholarship” should be illegal.

Your friend’s book was a COLOSSAL failure, and your friend’s family, who gave up career and academic opportunities for Grace’s mom and have NOT attempted to “compensate” themselves at her expense, DESERVE to lead the media coverage and reader discussion of “Tastes Like War”.

Bella wrote: "Grace has been lying her whole life. I have no desire to ever have any relationship with her, because her lies are so egregious and obscene. If she really cared, then she would have had the courtes..."


Your exploitation may be particularly easy to prove. There probably are still records of Grace’s receipt of money from her “pedo” pop. If there are, “Tastes Like War” should be immediately debunked in a fantastic spectacle, just like “A Million Little Pieces”.

Thanks for your support, PJ! You are incredibly brilliant to have recognized that something was off about the book before we stepped forward.

Grace's whole academic career is based on lies about our family. She has a research paper titled "Samgwangsa: A Travelogue of Kinship" that she published in 2014. The abstract states:

"Samgwangsa is an autoethnographic memoir that begins with the author’s early childhood memories of living in Korea with her mother, who became a “military bride” and the first Korean immigrant to settle in the author’s hometown. This piece questions what notions such as home, freedom, mobility, and the American dream mean under conditions of displacement. It chronicles the author’s desire to return to Korea with her mother, and through a life-long effort to do so, reveals new insights about kinship."

Debunking this “research” alone is enough to prove that "Tastes Like War" is a lie and should be withdrawn as a nonfiction finalist.

How did Grace remember living in Korea when she immigrated at 1? How was K a military bride if the husband wasn’t in the military/census shows and residents know she wasn’t the “first Korean immigrant to settle” in Grace's hometown?

Bella wrote: "Thanks for your support, PJ! You are incredibly brilliant to have recognized that something was off about the book before we stepped forward.

Grace's whole academic career is based on lies about ..."

Yeah, I saw a screenshot of that “memoir” last night. How on earth did a major publisher and FIVE NBA jurors miss that???

And, I don’t know if I’m that brilliant. Ableism was my initial complaint about “Tastes Like War”. It wasn’t until your family began reviewing the book that I learned about all of its other lies.

Pj wrote: "Bella wrote: "Thanks for your support, PJ! You are incredibly brilliant to have recognized that something was off about the book before we stepped forward.

Grace's whole academic career is based ..."

Lol I have no idea! It's really kind of funny.

And, no, you are definitely very brilliant as is evident from your writing.

Bella wrote: "Pj wrote: "Bella wrote: "Thanks for your support, PJ! You are incredibly brilliant to have recognized that something was off about the book before we stepped forward.

Grace's whole academic caree..."

Thanks, so are you. You and your siblings have brought up many excellent points about “Tastes Like War”. Your grandma would be thrilled to see how smart and compassionate her grandchildren are!

I've never commented on a thread like this before, but I finished reading TASTES LIKE WAR the other day and was incredibly moved. I just wanted to say that this story is so much bigger than its characters or setting. When it comes down to it, the truth is only as good as our perception of the truth. What I loved most, and thought was truly profound about this book was its ability to shed light on the many stories, identities, and moments in history that have been overlooked for far too long. It's heart wrenching, and it's beautiful.

Emily wrote: "I've never commented on a thread like this before, but I finished reading TASTES LIKE WAR the other day and was incredibly moved. I just wanted to say that this story is so much bigger than its cha..."


Grace called her mom “burdensome”, “horrifying”, “crazy”, “diminished”, “three separate mothers”, and the “living dead”. If you need someone to explain why NOTHING is uglier than that, particularly considering how her mom was disabled by imperialistic and misogynistic geopolitics, you may be someone who will NEVER embrace an honest and comprehensive correction of Grace’s monstrous, BS “story”.

And, truth, is not always a matter of “perspective”, certainly not in this case. Grace didn’t care for her mom. That’s a fact even she admitted. Her brother and sister-in-law did. Grace hid the extent of her refusal to care for her family - a deeply dishonest scheme, when you consider how “family caregiving” provided her “story” with much of its emotional impact. The truth is, her brother gave up advancement in his profession to care for his mom, because Grace wouldn’t help. His wife gave up *her* PhD and ALL of her profession to care for her MIL, because Grace wouldn’t help. Their children couldn’t go on vacations because Bro knew he couldn’t leave Grace alone with their mother. Large sums of money were accepted by Grace from her “crazy” mom and allegedly “pedo” dad. Bro helped Grace pay for her house. Grace’s mom didn’t ask to join Grace’s “research” project; She was recruited by Grace at a point in her life when she was too old and too sick to say no. Those are just a few of the facts which discredit Grace’s claims about her relatives, who seem to have put themselves last whenever a conflict of interests arose.

Caregiving is a responsibility and, when done right, a significant achievement. In Grace’s family, the credit for that achievement is shared by everyone except Grace. If she had any appreciation for what they did or any regard for scholarship, she would have told her relatives about her plans to write another book, persuade them to consent to being interviewed for her book, and invite them to as many book promotion events as possible. That’s what Neal Shusterman did when he wrote a *children’s novel* about his Mad son. Grace Cho should have done the same thing.

Lucia wrote: "Hey Neville, this is Lucia, aka “Jenny from Chehalis”. Sad to meet you again under these circumstances. I generally steer clear of conflicts over social media, they never seem to help anyone or eas..."

And crickets about the fact that Grace turned her mother and father and neighbors into “cardboard cut-out villains” . . .

Emily - No. Scroll up for the countless facts that Grace got wrong. Literally, the entire book is made up and it is not "factual" or "historical". There is only a yes or no, not many “truths” to them. Just check the US census to verify her fake historical "facts".

What you wrote is something people say when they a) are uninformed and/or b) don’t feel like putting their own bias or selfish reasons aside. I'm assuming you are in the first category.

Grace’s academic misconduct extends far before “Tastes Like War”. She has academic papers she's published that are all lies and fraudulent. Actually, she’s been committing fraud pretty much her entire career. That's probably why she thought she could get away with writing a fake "memoir" and marketing it as nonfiction.

Hmmm, just saw the Emily post. First, same advice to you that I have given others who turned out to be Grace's partner, Grace's work colleagues, Grace's PhD advisee, Grace's classmates - all the people Grace recruited as fronts - please state upfront your relation to Grace as we did. For example, say, if you are Grace's sitter or her partner's daughter from a previous relationship or a current student - 'fess up.

And - your review, posted on my thread, is ludicrous. It's so interesting how Grace's defenders play so fast and loose with their definitions of "truth". In fact, it speaks volumes.

Please read Neville's review or my review for the "truth". Please know that Grace's book is so packed full of lies that it can never be perceived as based on "truth". The book is fictional.

You really can't comment on "truth", Emily. You were never there.

And I agree with Bella - either you are "uninformed" (Bella's euphemism for "really dumb") or you are incredibly biased. I'm guessing incredibly biased.

Lucia, I've debated whether to respond to your primary criticisms of my review - that our family really wasn't well off and that Chehalis is more racist than I let on. I didn't want to get into an argument with you so I've held off thus far, but since I'm more qualified than you are to opine on those points, I will add my perspectives for your consideration.

As a person of mixed race who has lived throughout the United States as well as Korea, I can attest that Chehalis is no more racist than anywhere else I've lived in the US. It is less racist than Korea, of which Grace has no personal experience - she was a baby when she immigrated. I was 8, and still vividly remember a mob (7 or 8) of stick carrying Korean boys chasing me for being half American, hell bent on hurting me. Thankfully, I could run fast back then. I also had a very different experience of growing up in Chehalis than Grace. I have fond memories of my life there, and have maintained life-long friends, who are aware of Grace’s book and recognize how fictionalized parts of it are. The one difference is I don’t need to ask them to defend my position like she does – there’s no need, as I have truth on my side.

As for my parents’ financial position compared to others in Chehalis, my father's income (as a captain of a major freightliner) easily put him in the top 5% of income in middle-class Lewis County, which had little income discrepancy. You can check tax records for verification. My mother worked because she wanted more disposable income, not from necessity (like Grace wearing thrift store clothing). My parents gave me and Grace large monthly allowances all the way through college. My close friends still comment on how much disposable income I had back then.

In high school, I drove my parents’ cars (their preferences were Mercedes and Cadillacs), as did Grace (I’ve seen her drive them and I’ve been in the cars with her). The car you’re referring to is my mom’s blackberry picking car. If she drove it with you, it was also due to personal preference and not out of necessity.

You had a real issue with my comment about Grace spending time in Paris, UK, Corsica and Brazil, but is any of it untrue? Of course not, and my father funded every penny of the cost. If Grace told you she got a scholarship to study in Cambridge during her high school summers, then she was lying. Those programs do not have merit-based scholarships. Same with Brazil – whether she thought it was a luxury trip or not, she went out of choice and my father funded everything. He always sent me his budget in a manila envelope, in an effort to teach me financial responsiveness, so I know exactly what he spent on Grace.

My Chehalis friends have a different memory of our home than you do. It was a ranch as many of the homes in Chehalis were, but impeccably maintained (that’s my mom). I thought it was plush as did my friends, but maybe we can just agree that it was comfortable. My converted garage bedroom, which Grace inherited, had its own TV, stereo and its own phone line – who else had this level of luxury in middle class Chehalis in the 80s?

I guess ideas of financial status are always relative, but I can assure you Grace had a very comfortable upbringing that continued into adulthood – no student loans through graduate school and continued large yearly checks until my mother died. A final comment… she had called me “greedy capitalist pig” for years. She and her first partner, Cesar, were struggling to come up with the down payment for their home purchase. Grace dropped hints to the whole family and asked my mom for money, which was refused. I felt sorry for her, so I wrote her a check for $17,000 in 1996/7 to allow them to make the purchase of the home they really wanted. At that point, it was most of the savings I had. Cesar sent a lovely, heartfelt note to thank us. Everyone (including my mom) noticed that Grace didn’t sign it. This is the essence of Grace M. Cho.

Neville wrote: "Lucia, I've debated whether to respond to your primary criticisms of my review - that our family really wasn't well off and that Chehalis is more racist than I let on. I didn't want to get into an ..."


Lord, I hope your latest comment is not deleted. If glaring inconsistencies in Grace’s “story” (a “burdensome”, “diminished”, “crazy”, “horrifying”, “three separate mothers”, “living dead” mother with a devoted family; an ability, at age 15, to play piano on par with classical pianists; an ability, at age 1, to remember “fights” her parents had, etc.) don’t move readers, perhaps a slice of your everyday life will. Most people’s families include that one member who does right: cares for elderly parents, bails out the deadbeat siblings, forgives, forgives, forgives. You’re relatable in a way that cuts through all of the literary noise about “narratives”, “research”, “prizes”, etc. . Your fact-checking and opinions shouldn’t be thrown into the black hole of cyberspace.

I'm so sorry your family is going through this. Couldn't you sue?

Hi Rose, that is certainly under consideration. On memoirs, the publishing industry shamefully pushes off legal liability to the authors, who usually don’t have any money. Many don’t even have fact checking staff. They did zero due diligence in this case, and don’t seem to really care whether it’s real or not as long as they can make money off the book. But, we are considering all options.

Posting here since my comments on the other post keep getting deleted:

I don’t deny your own experiences, and I am sorry you have had that happen with your own family.

However, you should ask P and Grace (my aunt) why her prior false book, past fraudulent academic “research” publications, and new “memoir” go against government docs, when she claims she did “extensive research”. Check the census, historical facts, military records refuting her claims her father was in the military, immigration papers saying she came as a baby so therefore cannot remember a fake “research” paper addressing memories living for a long time with her mother in Korea, claims in NPR my mom told her my grandmother was a sex worker and that my mom was her only real “proof” of this/messing up the timeline based on when her father died, financial records and medical records showing Grace was never around, medical records about whether or not she even had schizophrenia as her main diagnosis (LOL), papers from an accrediting body giving consent for research on vulnerable subjects, inconsistencies in her online interviews, her own paper citations that do not say what she claims in the book, etc etc etc etc

My aunt is a master liar and I am sorry she has been misleading to the public. This is a twisted and horrible spin Grace is saying in NPR to cover up her own extensive academic misconduct/because she literally cannot get out of her own lies. She's very aware of her fraud, but doesn't care as long as it advances her own career.

Check government docs before you go anymore out on a limb and refer to a heartbroken family as "trolls' or see Neville's review for more insight. If you have a personal bias to Grace, then please state it here for transparency. Thank you.

P.S. P, do not censor my comment/block me again just because I am writing something truthful and that goes against Grace's false story. I am keeping a record and will be posting this comment on my review as well.

Thanks for reposting this here, Bella. I can't see Patrick's comments - I think he has me and Daddy blocked. I'm sure he's panicked by the reality of Grace's lies and pending issues, and I feel badly for him. So I don't know the substance of what you are answering but can imagine.

Just to warn you: you are likely responding to a friend of Patrick's or Grace's and that person will block you and then Patrick will erase the comment. Anyone who calls our family "trolls" right off the bat is most likely connected to Grace and Patrick and was asked by them to write something supportive. It's all about silencing. I feel badly for those people bc it is so difficult not to help friends who are distressed and beg. A good lesson for all of us - sometimes by doing a "good" thing (helping a friend in a pickle) we actually end up doing a "bad" thing....here actively silencing, supporting a liar and damaging their own reputation.

Love you, Bella...Mama

Copying Erin’s comment from another thread

Hi Jonathan,

I know that as someone in academia that you must value the integrity and truthfulness of any academic research and that you must know very well the protocols that your discipline (sociology, it looks like) requires of any research, especially that performed on vulnerable subjects.

So I am a bit surprised that you are not troubled by the obvious lies in Grace's book and by its shoddy "research".

There are some very serious problems with Grace's book which are very easy to prove.

As an academic, I'm sure that you are especially concerned that there was no protocol followed for research on vulnerable subjects - the very framework that your academic discipline has put in place to ensure the integrity of ethnographic research was ignored. The "research subject" of this book, my MIL and Daniel's mother, NEVER gave her consent to be interviewed or have her story told. I know that you, as an academic researcher of integrity who does follow guidelines, finds that problematic. Big red flag, right?

Then, there is the problem that Grace has ONE source - ME - that she claims provided the information that her mother was a sex worker. Except...that source...ME...NEVER provided that information. I have repeatedly said that I NEVER told Grace that her mother was a sex worker. So, one of her main theses is a LIE. I know you understand that.

Then, there are the many, many other LIES, faulty research - whatever you want to call it..


Her father was not in the service.
Her mother was not a sex worker.
No family member ever told Grace that her father was in the service or that her mother was a sex worker - she fabricated her research.
They were not the only three Asians in Chehalis.
Her mother was not the "first immigrant the town had seen in decades"....some interviews Grace says "ever"...
Her parents did not have physical fights. Her father, as a captain for a major freight liner and an excellent saver and investor, provided VERY well for the family.
Grace was supported by her mother, her father, and by my husband and I ( we provided her with the money for the down payment on her home) until 2008.
Grace's mother did NOT have the mental condition that Grace's described. Grace was NOT the first person to notice her mother's change in mental status. Her father noticed it way before Grace, as did her brother, and her mother was already seeing doctors well before Grace said she "discovered" her mother's schizophrenia. That is such a bs tale in and of itself. Grace was also physically attacking her mother during that time. I heard a knife story before from her mother and father and it was NOT the same story that Grace is telling.


Let me say that again for emphasis - GRACE's RESEARCH IS FABRICATED. As someone in academia, that must concern you. Doesn't it?

Much of the rest of her story is false as well, as her family has noted over and over:

Grace immigrated as a baby. She never spoke Korean. English was Grace's first language. Yet Grace has lied over and over, in the book and in public interviews that anyone can find online: she says that she spoke Korean as a child, that she remembers living in Korea before the move. So those other major book theses? FALSE. As an academic researcher of integrity, that must concern you. Doesn't it?


Grace's parents were very well-off relative to everyone else in Chehalis, yet Grace makes it sound as if her mother was poor and deprived and had to work "awful' jobs to support the family. Tax records and eyewitnesses in Chehalis know otherwise. So does the rest of the family. The household was quite well-off, with money for expensive travel, clothes and jewelry, and there were always Cadillacs and Mercedes in the drive. Not at all the way Grace presents her life in the book or in interviews. As an academic researcher of integrity, I'm sure that that concerns you. Doesn't it?

Grace presents a narrative of cooking and care for her mother, YET the family that did care for her mother says NO - Grace almost never showed and, when she did, it was to conduct her shoddy academic "research" - interviewing a disabled elderly woman without her permission and against her stated wishes to the ENTIRE family. As someone who values academic integrity and protocols that, legally, within our legal system and within the legal system of academia, MUST be followed, I'm sure that that exploitation and abdication of academic protocol greatly concerns you. Doesn't it?

I could go on and on and on and on and on.

There are literally so many lies that I can't even get through them here. Please see my other posts or Neville's posts. It took me 63 pages to get it all down for legal purposes.

I'm sure that you can understand my husband's frustration - your comments have been arrogant (you seem to think you know about OUR life), condescending (you are playing the academic card, as if you are above us in some way) and I will add just plain mean.

But...we too have been fooled by Grace and her lies, so I get it. I just hate to see her using her good friends as fronts, possible hurting their lives and reputations.

You know nothing. Grace has lied to you and misled you.

And, please....I am still waiting for you to note your close personal and professional connection to Grace in your review here, and in any review that you do anywhere.

Thank you and best wishes for your good intentions,

Erin

reply | flag *

Hi Neville, in response to your comment on my review- I respect your opinion and perspective of your childhood. I have an older brother who sees our parents in a very different light than I do. However, It doesn’t make the things I saw and remember from a young age untrue. With that said, you have every right to feel how you do. And just so you know, I didn’t experience any negative opinions of you, your wife, or mother whilst reading this book. And I understand your father lived in a different period when some things such as race and sexuality were not as acceptable and normalized as they are today. He was still a loving father. Best to you and your family

Kaitlyn, you seem to have totally missed the point. This is not an issue of differing or even vaguely differing perspectives, but an issue of decades-long academic FRAUD.

Like I said before check government docs before writing your ridiculous comment, which is based on your OWN experiences and not mine or my families. If you have a bias or connection to Grace, as has everyone thus far who has said something stupid like this with no concrete proof, please state it.

Ask P and Grace (my aunt) why her prior false book, past fraudulent academic “research” publications, and new “memoir” go against government docs, when she claims she did “extensive research” and checks of her "memory". Check the census, historical facts, military records refuting her claims her father was in the military, immigration papers saying she came as a baby so therefore cannot remember a fake “research” paper addressing memories living for a long time with her mother in Korea, claims in NPR my mom told her my grandmother was a sex worker and that my mom was her only real “proof” of this/messing up the timeline based on when her father died, financial records and medical records showing Grace was never around, medical records about whether or not she even had schizophrenia as her main diagnosis (LOL), papers from an accrediting body giving consent for research on vulnerable subjects, inconsistencies in her online interviews, her own paper citations that do not say what she claims in the book, etc etc etc etc

Thanks.

Thanks for the comment but there is no parallel between our criticism of the book and your experiences.

The book is full of LIES, easily verifiable. Factual issues.

Grace's father was not in the military.
Grace's mother was not a sex worker.
My MIL begged Grace not to write about her.
Grace did not follow proper academic protocol.
Grace's statements are in direct contradiction to the US Census.

I could go on and on and on...

Please see other posts.

Yes, there is always an argument for memory. But that is peripheral here.

There is also the fact that Grace defamed our family, invaded our privacy, AND wrote untruths about us and our home life. She is legally liable for that, based on the untruths that she told.

Do you have any sort of connection to Grace, personally or professionally? If so, please state so in your review. I know this seems strange, but almost all of the early five-star reviews of her work turned out to be close friends, her partner, her partner's daughter, CUNY colleagues etc - and not a SINGLE one was upfront about their bias.

This has been devastating to our family, heartbreaking. We are having to relive the heartbreak that my MIL went through in 2007/2008 when she begged Grace not to write lies about her. Yes, my MIL KNEW that Grace was writing LIES about her in her academic work. It was awful, and the main reason her health spiraled down in her final months.

I will also say that I too have experiences with schizophrenia in my own family - I just spent several days with my favorite aunt, who is in her early eighties, was diagnosed with schizophrenia in her twenties, and has always been my very favorite aunt (sorry, others, but I don't think it's news to anyone and I love you all dearly).

I hope you see that your experience of differential memory does not equal our experience with Grace's inability to tell the truth and her willingness to sacrifice her own mother, in life and in death, on the altar of academic "success". We are angry about Grace's exploitation of her mother and her family. We are angry about her blatant and easily verifiable lies. Not even close to your life.

Thanks,
Erin

Kaitlyn wrote: "Hi Neville, in response to your comment on my review- I respect your opinion and perspective of your childhood. I have an older brother who sees our parents in a very different light than I do. How..."

Hi Kaityn, it has come to my attention that you are calling us “trolls” on another thread. I went on yours to comment, and realize I’m blocked. Can you explain? No impartial person behaves this way. If I’ve missed something, please let me know. Thank you.

Oh dear. Perhaps it's another Grace buddy, which makes sense since PB is Grace's partner and that is the thread she called us "trolls" on.

Well, well, Kaitlyn. Welcome to a very small club of people who are actively trying to silence our family.

You are particularly insidious about it - you pretended to be friendly and impartial. Yet you jumped on Grace's partner's thread and called us "trolls"?

But, I know how easily Grace misleads even highly intelligent people, and I feel for you.

You have bought into Grace's lies. I'm sorry that this has happened to you. I know how easy it is to be caught up in drama when you feel that a friend has been wronged. But, please, take a few steps back and reassess the situation.

Grace wrote a book that exploited her own mother and her family, was packed with lies, was ableist and damaging to the disabled (and you say you have experience with schizophrenia, but given your duplicity on other issues, now I wonder).

Please look into the facts about this book, and if you have any connection at all to Grace, please state it in your review.

Thanks.

No response from Kaitlyn, and I am now blocked. Definitely not the behavior of an impartial person. They’re so easy to root out. Normal people don’t involve themselves and try to tell me my life wasn’t the way I lived it because the truth doesn’t fit their narrative. I’m sorry to inconvenience you Grace and friends, but I’m not going away. I won’t be silenced.

It must be really stressful to try to keep all her lies straight. Of course, she could have just been truthful so she wouldn’t have to remember what she said but it definitely wouldn’t have sold as many books and gotten her the fame - or is it notoriety?

Neville wrote: "No response from Kaitlyn, and I am now blocked. Definitely not the behavior of an impartial person. They’re so easy to root out. Normal people don’t involve themselves and try to tell me my life wa..."


LOL! Fame? Nope. Notoriety? Not anymore. Grace Cho can now be described as infamous. The inconsistent and inhumane “facts” of her “story” have repelled readers and alarmed critics. A scam can last for only so long . . .

Copying PJ's comment below on another reader's thread, as it does the best job of explaining my objection to Grace's minions trying to tell me my life wasn't the way I lived it.

The anguish caused by an ableist, dishonest book will only appeal to morbidly insensitive and bigoted readers. Imagine if you had cared for someone (I realize this is a wild hypothetical for you.), sacrificed for them, and loved them with all of your heart, only to watch an abusive, lying attention-seeker erase your labor, ignore how it changed the course of your life, and degrade the person you loved so dearly. Does that clear it up for you?

Copying Erin’s comment regarding my father being a racist on another review’s thread.

Agree with you. I don’t think anyone who knew him would have labeled him as “racist” - he absolutely believed in treating everyone equally. And, for the record, I would never have considered him sexist or elitist, either. He could have looked down on parts of my family, but he never did. He was nothing but encouraging to me as I did my graduate work, and he was devastated when he realized all that I might have to get up. So, not racist. Not sexist. Not elitist. In fact, for a man of his generation, he was a paragon of progressive virtues.

He was quite well-educated (self-educated, which often sticks best), preferred classical music (the only other thing I ever heard in his house was sports on the radio) and knew everything there was to know about art history. He was remarkably talented in practical ways as well - he literally built four rooms onto his house to enlarge it, and he could fix anything. He was extremely well-read, a master saver and savvy investor (he had rental investments in town as well as land, stocks, etc), was extraordinarily generous with his wealth (he gave a big part away in his will) and he did everything he could to encourage and support others. And I haven’t even touched on the exceptional leadership skills it took to captain a large freighter all over the world for decades.

He believed in hard work, treating people fairly and honestly, helping others up. He was the living embodiment of the lines from that country song: “always be humble and kind” and “turn around and help the next one in line”.

I never heard him raise his voice to anyone, much less his hand.

I come from a big family, and I had a lot of male relatives his age. He was head and shoulders above almost all of my relatives of that generation, and he was NOT the character Grace depicted.

In fact, I don’t know if she could have missed the mark by any more than she did.

That character in her book is an invention, a fantasy from her mind - in the book because Grace needed a villain, a sort of living monster to be a foil to the character of her mother, the “victim”….

Except my FIL was no monster and my MIL was never the “victim”.

I always thought they married because they saw in each other what they each valued most -

kindness, honesty, and a strong, unwavering commitment to and willingness to sacrifice for the next generation.

And, believe me, I know their story well and I know with absolute certainty that they both sacrificed greatly so that Grace and my husband could have the best life possible. BOTH sacrificed. My FIL as well as my MIL, for their children.

He doesn’t deserve what his daughter did to him. And calling him “racist”? Just a sick ploy to sell books.

reply | flag *

As someone who has no connection to the author’s family — I’m just a reader of this book — I really don’t care about this family’s squabble and whether the book has fictitious moments or not. It’s odd to me that the brother keeps posting 1-star reviews online and comes off as very childish. Seeing his review wouldn’t have made me change my opinion on the book, nor would it have stopped me from reading it. If he’s so bothered by the book, I guess he can go through the effort to debunk it publicly with a lawyer. But these little comment and review squabbles are not providing the effect that I think he desires. Reading them, I just feel a little embarrassed for him. I just finished the book tonight and I liked it! 4 stars.

Wtf? Why don’t you check government docs, including the census, military records, historical facts, immigration papers, medical and financial records etc etc in not only this book, but in her academic research papers and prior book. Only a true idiot would post such an ignorant comment without actually checking the facts.

You really think you know more than government docs and my family written about in this book? You are beyond stupid

Oh and FYI, everyone writing 1 star reviews besides family are literally random readers. Maybe you should take into consideration how weird it is that random readers would take the time to think things through and realize that maybe this is a fraud

Jenny wrote: "As someone who has no connection to the author’s family — I’m just a reader of this book — I really don’t care about this family’s squabble and whether the book has fictitious moments or not. It’s ..."


If you don’t care about “fictitious moments” in “Tastes Like War” OR about the fact that it’s being refuted by a man who DID care for Grace’s mom, then you’re too immature for a discussion about this book.