Questions About Intentional: How To Live, Love, Work and Play Meaningfully

by David Amerland (Goodreads Author)

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Answered Questions (3)

in an increasingly 'zero-sum game' attitude world where everything, and everyone, seems to be a binary 'win or lose' assessment, doesn't being intentional only encourage this attitude? corollary, say someone is more progress focused (motivation is not found in any objective/goal other than progress), can that person's intentionality attain the same level of happiness as someone seeking a specific objective/goal?

David Amerland This is the problem we have to solve. Being intentional in what we do can easily devolve into being selfish, egotistical and self-centered. It can eas…moreThis is the problem we have to solve. Being intentional in what we do can easily devolve into being selfish, egotistical and self-centered. It can easily be misinterpreted into meaning "I do whatever the heck I want". Our world is polarized, divided and falling into the "win or lose" mentality precisely because we are all under stress. We are facing challenges we feel ill-equipped to solve on our own and we feel, increasingly, alone and isolated.

Being intentional requires us to acknowledge that our actions have consequences. We then take responsibility for our own behavior and, more importantly, we take responsibility for the behavior of others around us. Now, to get more specific to your question, can we feel the same level of happiness if we are progress orientated as opposed to goal orientated?

Progress is marked by milestones, specific points of our journey. Those points, those milestones, are goals in themselves. Suppose, on our way to becoming the fittest we have ever been, we train every day. Some days will be good and some not so good, but as long as we reach specific milestones (i.e. being able to run a certain distance without stopping or lifting a particular weight easily) we feel we are achieving our overall goal and we also reach the intermediate ones. The overall goal of being the fittest we have ever been is fluid and unclear. We have no idea where the limit lies. So the happiness we feel in the progress we make arises out of our ability to reach the intermediate goals that mark this progress.

I hope this fully answers your question. (less)

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what is the relationship between Grit and Resilience? I see resilience as having some elasticity (but has limits) and grit as maybe an ability to deal with elastic stretching of resilience? maybe successful people have 'gritty resilience'?

David Amerland This is an excellent question that needs to be unpacked a little. Resilience is our ability to successfully adapt to whatever physical, mental or emot…moreThis is an excellent question that needs to be unpacked a little. Resilience is our ability to successfully adapt to whatever physical, mental or emotional pressure we find our self in. Resilience is born out of our behavior and attitude. These two become the bulwark that allows us to successfully respond to rapid change in our circumstances. Grit is tenacity. Whenever we adapt we exit our comfort zone. Outside it things are naturally hard for us. We will feel uncertain. We may get fearful. We shall experience fatigue. Our ability to persevere through this discomfort is grit. Neuroscientifically it is a concentration of our attention and focus on a particular task (or series of tasks) that allows the brain to dial-down the discomfort it experiences long enough for progress to be made and the brain's reward system to be activated so we can achieve the outcome we are working towards.

This makes grit the cornerstone of resilience. We may be, for example, good at bouncing back from failure but a series of failures coupled with a change in our circumstances may be too much for us unless we can display grit. Rocky films are full of instances of grit where the character has to get through his own personal hell in order to face the challenge in front of him. It looks like what he lacks (and in his struggle finds or is given) is motivation but that isn't right. He is highly motivated, but the discomfort, the anxiety, the uncertainty become almost too much. Battling on to the point where they reach manageable levels requires grit and that is always a developed trait.

So, without grit resilience is finite. With it however it appears to be infinite. Did the Spartans at Thermopylae lack resilience? As seasoned warriors the educated guess is no. Psychologically, cognitively and physically they had everything they needed to maintain an equilibrium that appears superhuman. It was grit however that allowed them to maintain that resilience in the face of certain death. Grit, enabled them to battle through whatever personal darkness soldiers in a field of battle, feel and display behavior and attitude (resilience) that psychologically cowed their numerically superior opponents.

Successful people don't just adapt and overcome (i.e. are resilient to challenges and change) they are tenacious. They do not give up because they understand just how apparent failure can be turned into success.

To sum up. Grit on its own can often be just obstinance. An inability to recognize that what we keep on doing is not working. Resilience on its own, is just the behavior and attitude that mark us as who we are. Naturally optimistic people will be more resilient than their less positive counterpart. The two together however become a truly powerful edge. (less)

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When was the last time you felt in total control of your life?

David Amerland Personally, a sense of control comes from the direct knowledge that my actions allow me to move closer to my long-term goals. This reduces the level o…morePersonally, a sense of control comes from the direct knowledge that my actions allow me to move closer to my long-term goals. This reduces the level of anxiety I feel due to the inherent uncertainty of my reality. What about you? (less)

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