Questions About The New Rules of Marriage: What You Need to Know to Make Love Work

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As a man, when I read this kind of book summary it makes me furious... Wouldn't it be more efficient to write the book FOR MEN instead of relying on or expecting women to change men? Is the target audience for relationship books really only women?...

Barrie Evans I'm working through this book with my partner right now. The author definitely makes assumptions (remember, I'm not more than halfway through) that I …moreI'm working through this book with my partner right now. The author definitely makes assumptions (remember, I'm not more than halfway through) that I wish he didn't. There are some assumptions about privilege. So far, couples are presented as white, straight, and with disposable income.

I also think he's really got some basic feminist principles at the base of the book. It's mostly second-wave feminism, but I think the assumption that women have had the greater changes in perspective compared to men is valid. Men--me included--are still not doing their share of housework, meal-planning, cooking, etc. Meanwhile, the author asks, what are women looking for? And what changes do men have to make in order to take accountability for relationship patterns they've learned and how can they work with their partners to create a more egalitarian and emotionally open marriage? So far, his book has given us work to do that is challenging and uncomfortable for both of us. Examining your core negative images of each other is one example. Or, asking us to identify the losing strategies (needing to be right, controlling your partner, retaliation, withdrawal, etc.) that we use defensively when we get into arguments. It's challenging and some of the narrative has its flaws, but the strategies are sound, I think, and really ask each of us to understand how those patterns keep us from discovering who we are in relationship with the partners we have chosen.(less)

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