The Problem With Yaoi Is…

If you are a fan of any gay-themed art at all, you would have come across the wonderful sub-genre of manga fiction called Yaoi. If you are a complete newbie, let me school you. Yaoi is a genre of manga that deal with romantic relationships between men. Most of the readers and writers of Yaoi are in fact women, so the stories tend to be highly romanticized, even to the point of fetishism. There is another genre of gay manga for men called Bara, but that is a different story all together.

So I think I told you all once how I stumbled into the world of m/m romance blind and in a daze. I, of course, was no better equipped when it came to Yaoi. For me, it never caught on for one reason.

Consent.

You see, in Yaoi, the pairings are usually hetero-normative in many ways. The “uke” or feminine partner is usually smaller in stature, younger, and “beautiful”. The “seme”, or dominant partner is also very handsome, but he is the aggressor in the relationship. He initiates the relationship and the sex. This is where it gets tricky.

In many cases, the sexual contact, at least initially, is not consensual.

Let me say that again.

The sexual contact is OFTEN not consensual, at least once.

The idea here is that the relationship reaches a boiling point where the seme just can’t hold it in anymore and takes the uke. Even if the uke was into the seme and was totally going to do him eventually, the uke seems almost honor bound to object to sexual contact at first. Of course, the poor uke is understandably shaken afterward, and in some cases tries to put some distance between himself and his attacker. But the seme is having none of that and proves his love by keeping the uke by his side rather than throwing him away after he got the booty. The uke, or course, relents and they all live happily ever after.

The problems with these kinds of story lines, and there are many variations on the theme, is that they contribute to a rape culture that says it’s okay to rape your victim if you love them. In fact, the rape is in a way, proof of your burning love and desire for the victim. It also muddies the waters on what is and is not considered consent. So much so that we have terms for these story lines. Non-consensual sex (rape) is called non-con, and dubious consensual sex (rape) is called dub-con. Regardless of the gender of the victim, this just creeps me out.

I know that Yaoi, coming from Japan, takes many of its cues from Japanese culture. I also know that many Japanese women feel pressured to at least pretend that they are not into sex. In a story where both partners are male but the same heterosexual norms are applied one of the partners has to say no at least once in keeping with “appropriate” sexual relations. But my concern is that the link between art and life is incredibly strong. Are we telling the women who read Yaoi that rape is a forgivable sin?

I am not saying that there aren’t plenty of Yaoi out there where both partners are ready, willing and eager to get it on, and do so with aplomb. But the genre is rife with non-con and dub-con and International fans, in particular, would do well to stay away from titles that romanticize sexual assault. Aggressive sex, even aggressive lovers can be charming and romantic, but no always means no.