Sometimes, What We Hear Being Said is Not What Actually is Being Said

If I sensed that my late wife, Elaine, was upset or angry and asked what was bothering her, she would sometimes reply, "Nothing!" While she was working on some project, like organizing a party or addressing Christmas cards, I would ask if she would like me to help. She would occasionally answer, "No, not necessary." After an especially stressful week at work, I would ask if whe she would mind if we stayed home Friday night, instead of hanging out with our with friends as we usually did. Elaine, a stay-at-home mom with four children to care for, would respond, "Of course not. You just relax."

People, for whatever reason, may occasionally say the opposite of whatever message they intend to send. Referencing the examples presented in the previous paragraph, allow me to reveal what my wife was really saying. It took a couple of years for me to develop this skill, but eventually I did catch on.

"Of course something is bothering me. You shouldn't have to ask, you should know!"
"It's your party too!" or "These cards are going to our friends and relatives. You should help."
"Do you think that you're the only one who had a difficult week at work? I need some time away from my workplace too!"

Speaking the same language does not always guarantee that what a person is saying will be interpreted correctly by the listener. Tone of voice and body language trumps a literal translation every time! Those who choose to ignore that fact, do so at their own peril.
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Published on August 25, 2015 09:25
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message 1: by Michael (new)

Michael Mardel My wife and I rarely argue except when watching TV. She doesn't like watching the news while I do, to see what is happening in the world. We even get local news in our tropical paradise of Broome. When we watch a recording, I give her the controls as she likes to watch the very beginning of each episode whereas it doesn't bother me. There's some hidden agendas here and we discussed this, like I don't value her wishes, and she likes to bully me. Definitely a red rag.


message 2: by Jim (last edited Aug 26, 2015 09:02PM) (new)

Jim Vuksic Michael wrote: "My wife and I rarely argue except when watching TV. She doesn't like watching the news while I do, to see what is happening in the world. We even get local news in our tropical paradise of Broome. ..."

Michael,

Since your spouse is in charge of the television's remote control, perhaps, whenever she and you begin to argue, she can hit the rewind button and delete whatever it was that inspired the disagreement.

Thank you for viewing the blog and sharing your personal experience regarding the subject.

Jim Vuksic


message 3: by Christine (new)

Christine Hayton Many people do not say what they mean. Often they're simply avoiding conflict or even just being considerate. A married couple should be honest, but sometimes situations just aren't important enough to merit conflict, and are better left polite.

I would have thought you might have mentioned the people out there who have no trouble saying exactly what they mean. They are open and honest, but also direct. If they used those same expressions - they meant it. Sometimes we tend to overthink, and even unnecessarily project our own feelings and sense of guilt into the reaction of others.

Just my opinion, but my husband knows I mean exactly what I say - no hidden meanings. Amazingly we're still married after 30+ years.


message 4: by Jim (last edited Aug 31, 2015 06:34PM) (new)

Jim Vuksic Christine wrote: "Many people do not say what they mean. Often they're simply avoiding conflict or even just being considerate. A married couple should be honest, but sometimes situations just aren't important enoug..."

Christine,

Your honest and straight forward comments, posted in the Goodreads discussion groups, testify to your statement. That is the primary reason that I enjoy reading them.

Thank you for once again viewing the blog and taking the time to share your personal opinion and ideas. They are always interesting and thought-provoking.

Jim Vuksic


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